Your Terms

I wish I didn’t have to say my goodbyes

Every time you need someone to agonize.

You hide in your shell, and I can only guess

If you are going to love me or pull out a test.

Yes, I was once angry and contradictory.

I burned down my city and called it a victory.

You kept showing up whenever you pleased,

And I mistook a trench for a tiny crease.

God, I tried, I gave up my polished fences.

While I looked away, you broke all the lenses.

Now my image lives in your dull eyes,

And it’s looking a lot like a sweet demise.

I wish I could take back my forgiveness,

Sell it to people who only mean business.

Your love feels like a needle in my chest,

But I know you would leave if I tried to confess.

I didn’t understand then, but I get it now –

If I step on your terms, I lose the crown.

(You should have been more careful when killing my mind.

Even gentle people attack from behind.)

-Jackie