Wicked faces search for motives in my distracted head,
But I feed my thoughts to the vacuum cleaner.
The mystery will follow me until I am ice cold and dead,
And they will argue whether I was a people pleaser.
Chants rise over the horizon as I grow even more layers.
They despise these secrets I keep burying alive.
The money rolls in but I do not obey the eager payers.
As long as I provoke them, I will survive.
-Jackie
Nobody wants to see me tearing up
Or losing my temper in a taxi,
But you made me furious enough to do so.
I was suffocating,
But you didn’t even ask,
And I guess that’s what you think I deserved.
You were the best thing I could get,
At least that’s what you made me think
When loving you felt like I’ve lost some bet.
Nobody wants to hear me admitting it
Or losing my youth to you
But you made me smitten enough to do so.
I was breaking in two,
You said it was expected.
You couldn’t possibly believe I was such a fool.
So I burned my promise,
Then broke your ground
Until every tear you cried filled my chalice.
-Jackie
I don’t have any conflict to resolve with these words
And I don’t have a plan for forging myself a new sword.
I’ve been longing and waiting for a moment like this.
Peace within my own skin is what I’ve dearly missed.
My petty self holds no weapons up her grandiose sleeves.
If you look close enough, you won’t notice fresh schemes.
It’s been a minute or two since I’ve exhaled just air
Instead of spewing dark flames with a splash of despair.
The anger tried to wrap its hands around my fragile neck,
Taking me through some alleys that I deeply regret.
Now I don’t have any conflict to resolve in these lines,
And the scars will get paler, but only with time.
-Jackie
I was just sixteen when that fever dream started,
And I had to leave thinking that I got outsmarted.
Each time I tried to give the dream another shot,
I left wishing I could tie my whole heart in a knot.
A decade flew by, but time froze in some places.
I chased someone who could slow down my pace.
Every single soul I found made me question myself
Until I stopped renting out my mental health.
On the surface nobody even noticed the change,
Only a few saw the grey teardrops on the last page.
Perhaps it is not bad to stop seeking complexity,
All it ever did for me was kill what was meant to be.
And maybe this next story will be a better tale,
Maybe my own heart will not get broken over mail.
At least it does not feel like a fever dream today,
One small step for my younger self,
Still high on dismay.
-Jackie
It seemed like a hopeful story only as long as I loved you more than I despised you,
And you seemed like a brighter person when you listened,
But now greed and cruel intentions guide you.
Everyone you pull close keeps walking away, so you never give too much affection.
I wonder if you know that you starved me
Because you cannot even face your own reflection.
You have the time to spare for every stranger and you pretend to give true kindness
Just before you slap me with cold phrases,
Then demand I treat you like a royal highness.
I was sure your self-image was suffering greatly, but was it ever truly the case?
The control, the avoidance, the superiority…
Now I wonder about what it was that I tried to chase.
It seemed like a better movie back when I cared enough to suggest a few truces.
All you have left now is a great white silence
And a few dozen broken and bent excuses.
-Jackie
I execute these little plans in my head until I hear my skull bleeding,
Until a thick, red substance fills my ears and my nose,
Until I can only dream about seeing.
But I guess revenge needs me to buy out all the rows?
I fear that without these plots my life will lose all meaning.
I do not really want to break these rocks I throw –
Perhaps it is just a phase, just the process of healing.
Still, I tend to share more than I actually know,
And people see me as this ripe fruit that needs some peeling.
I fly through the sky, then eat dirt when I’m low.
I want to learn where I get all of these feelings.
My consciousness is pure, even whiter than snow
Despite the looming ghosts from my past cutting my helix.
One for the money, two for the show.
My anger never dies, it rises like a red phoenix.
So, I keep on scheming until I lose my pride and glow,
Until nobody even dares to ask why I’m bleeding.
Tomorrow is not promised, but it’s dripped in Bordeaux,
And I fear that without these plots mu life will lose meaning.
-Jackie
Are people just open wounds waiting to ooze?
Are we dying to infect whoever comes too close?
You joked about becoming my full-time muse,
Now you can’t take my words,
My smiles and my clothes.
You suffocate me, I am drowning in liquid.
My lungs are filling up with congealed blood.
Am I nothing more than one of your victims?
You let me bloom like fire,
Then cut off the rosebud.
You spread like a disease through my mind
And left me outside to heal on my own.
But you were wrong in thinking I am too kind
To slash you in half
And take back the throne.
-Jackie
We are stuck between live and let die.
I let you cut off my limbs one by one
Until I need you to survive,
Need you to hold my golden gun.
My lungs crave the air you breathe,
But you are not giving it away.
I wish I still had the strength to leave.
I wish I wanted to stay.
The trains will crash at midnight
As you hold me in your arms.
The sound will kill our porch light,
But the fire will do no harm.
The morning after I will arise
To my pale limbs all greeting me.
As sure as the tides will fall and rise,
I will reclaim my dignity.
-Jackie
Not a scratch on my body as I crawl off the battlefield,
And you might be after me,
But my spite is a jester’s shield.
I suck in the smoke coming from heavy machinery.
No one dares to shoot first
Except for you and your apologies.
Seven angels stare me down and spit on my dirty feet,
But I know they don’t mean it
If they don’t want to fight thirty fleets.
I have the force of an uncouth god looking for a legacy,
And you’re the grey prophet,
Drowning me in green fantasies.
Which one of us started this descent into travesty?
Which one will erase the lines?
Who will sweat out some honesty?
As you bring me to light, I grit my own bloody teeth,
And you might be the champion,
But there are no saints left here.
-Jackie
My body is just a shell with no operator,
And I fill it with substances when it gets dark.
Pretty poisons hang from my bathroom mirror,
Claiming they can give me back the spark.
But these pills I’m taking kill the joy
And they carve my love for you into questions.
My tongue strikes like the snake in Eden
Until every living soul gets tired of my confessions.
-Jackie
The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright 