Self-Envy Playbook

I blame myself for how far I’ve come,

Blame myself for surviving.

These ropes have long come undone,

But I still crave the violence.

All the fighting and blemished prides…

Do you still despise me?

I’m changing politics like tides.

They say it seems surprising.

And I blame myself for their emotions,

Waiting for the judgment,

With nothing in my heart but devotion,

A pinch of lust and torment.

All the silence and unreturned whispers…

Do you hear me laughing?

I used to call myself a sister,

Now I find mirrors jarring.

-Jackie