I Swear I Tried

I heard you telling them I live in fantasies.

I was a shoe you found on a street,

Then threw it carelessly,

Hurting innocent civilians,

Laughing as you made them bleed.

And it was all my fault, wasn’t it, love?

My guts escaped my stomach like a wave,

And I knew you were watching from the front row,

No regrets, no,

No point to rescue, no point to save.

But I swear I tried to tell you I was hurting,

My eyes were painting the darkest pictures.

All you knew was that I was deserving –

Of your violent delights,

Of mockery and caricatures.

Yet, the balance shifted one word at a time.

Your olden ways got way too rusty,

My bruises healed, erasing your crimes,

But also giving you an illusion,

A feeling that you can trust me.

I heard you telling them you never touched me

As they took your shaking body away.

This feeling of golden joy, it just rushed me.

Don’t ever again underestimate

People standing up in your way.

-Jackie