Borders

Photo by Anfisa Eremina

I still remember the beginning of us.

It has echoed through me like some old tale.

I know you and I know us like I know my own shadow,

And I know that your coffin is missing one nail.

Maybe it was our little dance that got me,

Maybe the peace you brought swept me away.

I have showed you every angle I have,

And I feel scared every time you choose to stay.

Three borders keep us in different time zones,

But I hope that one day I will tear them down.

My shattered pride tells me that I am failing.

I do not know what to say when you drown.

Still, I remember the beginning of us,

And it replays in my head until I feel nauseous.

I know you, but maybe I just know myself.

These walls I build tell me I should be cautious.

-Jackie

I Have Been The Hunter

Photo by Xi Xi

I am watching from the other side,

Observing my every move through a lens.

Not sure if I can still defend these choices,

Not sure if I still have any friends.

It is easy to leave in the middle of a storm –

Just pack your bags and sneak out.

Each time I calm the violent winds,

My fate puts me back on the killing route.

I have been the hunter for too long.

If souls exist, mine has long been buried.

My sins fall like snowflakes in front of me.

Suffering and I have always been married.

And I do not know where I am going,

But I am well aware of the damage I cause.

Loneliness never truly bothered me

Until I saw it wrapped in gauze.

-Jackie

Late Night Frights

Photo by RON JACOB LEONADOR

I might feel frightened to fade away before you even notice,

But my bones are too heavy to try and seek out solace.

This bridge that I haunt has seen my sour tears many times.

A decade wasted on trying to outrun sharpened knives.

My chest burns for a fantasy that is just out of my reach.

The crowds have gathered, they are glued to the velvet seats.

Will I really fall this time, or will I have my last hurrah?

The destiny holds heavy axes, ready for me to call a draw.

They say that time heals all, but my clocks have been frozen.

Why do I have to pay the price for scars I have not chosen?

The tomorrow stares at me blankly, like an impartial judge,

And I am frightened to burn out feeling like a drudge.

-Jackie

Hornets’ Nest

Photo by roberto carrafa

Before you turn me into your final fantasy,

Blink twice and read the pulsating warnings.

Before you say you’ve seen the last of me,

Kneel and swear you will kill all your darlings.

I do not twist rumors around my teeth.

Crude people do not need my help with lying.

Say my name three times as you struggle to breathe,

Say my name until you cannot deny it.

No one tricked you into assigning me sainthood.

Your cries are as empty as my silent chest.

Before you beg your sins off like a traitor would,

Lay down your crown on my hornets’ nest.

-Jackie

Misfortune Teller

Photo by Bia Sousa

Admit that you’re frightened, and I’ll spill your cruel fate.

The rules are simple – I’m the sage and you’re the bate.

The sinking feeling in your belly is the lack of dopamine,

And nobody you’ve loved has ever made you feel seen.

You’ve been yourself for ages, why don’t you change it up?

Clear intentions alone will never fill your leaking cup.

I know about the cards that you were given at the start.

If you hide your pain well, they’ll call your play smart.

But don’t you even bother to pinpoint my sources.

You think that the devil is the worst of all forces,

And I can tell you that you’re right or I can ruin beliefs.

I’m here for your misfortunes,

I’m here for your misdeeds.

-Jackie

Foolish Lullaby

Photo by Leonardo Monteiro

I have been thinking a lot about unrequited love,

And your silhouette tells me I have willed it into existence.

My weapons have long surrendered to your power.

If you make a run for it now, you won’t face any resistance.

Every tiniest road I have walked knows my coldness.

This warmth flowing through me alienates me from my past.

You tell me it’s for the best, and you must leave,

But for the very first time I want to make a tragedy last.

I have been daydreaming about eternal nights,

And somehow your sadness writes its name in the sky.

This is my foolish lullaby, my gamble for a hope.

If you hold me again, we might get it right on the second try.

-Jackie

Unavailable

Photo by lehandross

I throw myself at every blade I happen to encounter,

Hoping that I will not bleed if I do not falter.

These steels and irons you all carry have sharp points.

I am not the fragile kind, but cracks are spreading through my joints.

Who are you to judge if you are carrying a weapon?

My heart is clear, I never watch where I am stepping.

You and your shiny metal toys keep my throat aching,

And the city echoes that I never really needed saving.

Still, I approach each pointed sword like a dying flower

While you all chant, saying that the light must be devoured.

I do not pity you, but I feel sorry for the things you break.

One step closer and I will unleash this red hurricane.

-Jackie

Childish Fears

Photo by Raíssa Pimenta

They put me on a pedestal I can’t afford to fall from,

Citing my wicked gaze as the driver of my stardom.

I bow down low just to hide my childish fears,

Then scream into a red void with no one to hear.

They tell me to act human but treat me like a doll.

Their necks bend and break when they lose the controls.

Not sure who I was, only that I caused disasters.

I am their sacrifice,

I am also the puppet master.

-Jackie

Self-Envy Playbook

Photo by Madison Inouye

I blame myself for how far I’ve come,

Blame myself for surviving.

These ropes have long come undone,

But I still crave the violence.

All the fighting and blemished prides…

Do you still despise me?

I’m changing politics like tides.

They say it seems surprising.

And I blame myself for their emotions,

Waiting for the judgment,

With nothing in my heart but devotion,

A pinch of lust and torment.

All the silence and unreturned whispers…

Do you hear me laughing?

I used to call myself a sister,

Now I find mirrors jarring.

-Jackie

26

Photo by Zhaocan Li

Soon enough it will come to you,

It will slide around your neck with vines.

Do not resist, do not pull back.

Sip the poison like cheap wine.

Soon enough they will lie to you.

The blade will only scar when twisted.

Breathe the fumes, let them spread.

You can run or you can risk it.

Soon enough I will call you home.

The sound will crack your skull in two.

Stay calm, do not rush it.

Trap the beast in your own zoo.

-Jackie