Magnified

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How loud do I have to scream for you to stop insinuating

That I am not simulating,

Manipulating or overstimulating?

I am not wrapping your reality in dark veils,

Falling on safety nets when all else fails,

I am just screaming for help.

But you say I draw attention to myself,

You choose to keep your emotions on a glass shelf.

And deep down I get it,

I am glad that I do not have to live it.

Must be lonely watching people through a magnifying glass,

Judging their class

While lounging in an ivory tower.

Must be hard to find it was a looking glass all along,

And your words were just crass,

They were wrong.

So, how loud do I have to be to make you see?

Until they dig a hole in the grass,

All my broken pieces will keep cutting open your legacy.

Your brokenness will be a part of me.

-JW

Ready For The Cliffs

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I am waiting for them to call me out,

Pull off my disguises,

Sabotage my every route.

All they do is stop speaking as the moon rises,

And I escape into the sunset,

Shrinking a few sizes.

It is almost like they do not see it,

My faux confidence and its lure,

And all the blades beneath it.

There is no science behind this, no cure,

So, I run away with the winds,

Headed towards the shore,

Ready for the cliffs to kill my sins.

-JW

Night Terrors

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Shiny bugs crawl under my white bedsheets each time I drift off to sleep,

They bite my thumbs and suck my blood, they scratch my aching feet.

Their wings buzz in cacophony when they circle my lifeless form.

I am surrounded by their haunting songs, I am trapped in a cage of orbs.

No, I cannot leave the dream unfinished, I cannot make myself wake up.

The bugs crawl up my chest and arms, their legs feel strange, so sharp and rough.

My thoughts twirl in-between the winds, begging for a middleman,

A single soul that could assist me with crossing these two burning lands.

But I end up trapped in this frozen silence, alone in my infested bed.

Bugs climb my hair like stairways, hissing like they have not been fed.

I cannot move, I cannot kill them, I watch them claiming my dark soul.

Their night terrors turn me into a pale illusion of someone whole.

-JW

Leaving Me

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I know I might collapse on the beige floor before this next chapter begins,

But there is no time to nurture my own humanity in these violent hills.

Last Friday I passed out in my bed, limp and filled with sharp anxiety pins.

They are asking me to take one day off, but I cannot bear staying still.

The rain slips down my face like the tears I never dared to cry out loud.

I know I am guilty of only showing my masks when I face the crowd.

The questions they throw at me resonate, they drown out my sound.

I would abandon this hopeless life, but my ego tells me I am not allowed.

-JW

Hypnotic

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The metronome blankly ticks my consciousness away,

Counting the last moments before I become your prey.

I do not remember my name, I do not recall my age,

But you speak with conviction, and it tames my rage.

Next page, I must turn the next page of our story.

My dreams keep swearing you have always adored me.

But the suspicion grows like a seed in healthy soil,

And my soul warns me as you call me awfully spoiled.

Between car wrecks and stab wounds, you call for me,

Promising a brand-new start built on stolen honesty.

I do not remember ever asking you for this palace.

My role is a Sisyphean task, and I am not your Alice.

Yet, the metronome has no loyalty, it just ticks away,

Remolding my empty life from zero in scarlet clay.

-JW

As Above So Below

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I abandon my last hope at the dusty stone door like you asked,

I unload the revolver on my belt and set ablaze the intricate masks.

The grey catacomb ceiling slowly rumbles above our heads,

It does not accept our gifts or the blood we have willingly shed.

My legs shake, still – they take me through the seven loops of hell,

And my feet move clandestinely, fearing to break the ice on a well.

I see a simmering red light in the distance, but I am too frightened,

It seems to feed on my doubts and sins whenever my heart gets quieter.

There is a pit of darkness snarling hungrily above and below me.

Yet, I must admit – devil’s breath on my neck makes me less lonely.

My thoughts, I need to tame them, then find an escape out of the dark,

Even if it is just a moment of god’s truth before I lose my spark.

But the portal is closing, freezing over my frantic crocodile tears,

I hear them whisper victoriously:

“Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”

-JW

The Manor Chose To Keep Its Silence

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The silence begged me to say by its dim bedside for a moment more.

With its last gurgling breaths, the manor started rotting from the core.

Dirty floors oozed orange and brown puss in the decorated rooms,

The stench was strong enough for the nearby trees to reverse all bloom.

The sounds of the street chimed in like roaring lions looking for prey,

And I could have chosen to fight – but instead I hid my body in the hay.

I watched them devour people, I tasted the blood they volunteered.

The noise grew too loud, so we abandoned those we held dear.

At night I sneaked through the halls, looking for the place silence died.

I thought I remembered the chamber, however, it leaked lullabies.

My thoughts whirled like dust in the wind as I slowly took a step back.

The music came in from every corner, it painted my vision black.

When I finally came to, I could not open my eyes or escape the trap.

My hands were tied behind my back, and a white cat sat in my lap.

Two gargoyles guarded the entrance, stoically holding me hostage.

They knew as well as I did, these captors are cruel to impostors.

For the next five hours I blurred the line between sleep and awareness.

Whenever I woke up, I lost the feeling that I could be fearless.

I heard those villains laughing at me through the chamber walls,

And the sound of their raspy voices made my every emotion small.

When they finally came for me, the manor chose to keep its silence.

It burned down by my side, crumbling under the pressure of tyrants.

They poked out my eyes and cut out my teeth with dull and rusty blades.

As the empty eye sockets leaked crimson, all my fears started to fade.

I dreamed about silence, I prayed for tranquility, just a moment more.

With my last quiet breaths, the sun washed away the horror and gore.

-JW

Hush

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Silver echoes from better times ring like alarms in my head.

No, I cannot stop the sound, I let it paint the corridors red.

Someone is knocking on the kitchen window, but I do not look.

I gather all my arrows, bury the knives and the hooks.

Gloved hands are scratching the glass and pulling the doorknob.

Your breath leaves mist in the crisp air as I silently sob.

We both know you can enter whichever way you please,

But your master taught you better, kill only after you tease.

And I must admit, I almost did not feel the bruise in my thigh.

The high of the hunt is not like any other kind of high.

My vision is blurry when I lie on the frozen bathroom floor,

I am ready to give in, yet I am ready to hurt you some more.

Your eyes peek in between the curtains and the dirty shades,

You want me to hear you slowly sharpening the rusty blade.

But my innocence traps your boiling blood and ghouls outside.

I am out of shortcuts, and you have nowhere else to hide.

Crimson echoes from a dying future hug my weak neck.

No, I cannot keep me eyes open, cannot save this wreck.

Somebody calls my name as I drift off with my selfish thoughts.

I release my prisoners, ending all the wars I have fought.

-JW

Lucille’s Dream

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You haunt the halls I walked last year,

You leave them shaking in cold fear.

The walls that built us crumble down,

Leaving bright rust on our crowns.

I bind you with the spells and records,

They blind you with the fruit nectar.

Love, you can find a home in me,

Please do not drink the poisoned tea.

You fear the hands which you once loved,

You buried all our turtle doves.

The chariots that brought you here

Now take your bones to rest, my dear.

-JW

The Old Ways

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You lit black torches in the dark room as I had a blindfold over my eyes.

The dry flowers in the corners grinned, the stench kept away fruit flies.

My skin lost all its pattern when the moon climbed over the horizon,

Grey creatures yelled into my scared face, asking what I was hiding.

They kept me chained to a heavy bed until my limbs felt defenseless.

I cried loud when I tried to escape, so they burned down the fences.

A demon wept in the closet, it tried hard to break my soul in half.

My lungs screeched and growled until I spooked it away with my laugh.

You lit my palms on fire and caressed my hair as the room shook.

The salt on the doorstep ignited, burning down your notes and books.

I looked at the face of my own failure and could not hide a smile.

There has been a beast inside of me, it has been there for a while.

-JW