The bile churns in my stomach
As I watch the sea rise.
One more foot and I’m a goner.
The devil gets his final prize.
My neck is covered in cuts
And my fingers bleed seaweed.
I question my humanity
While waves drown all my misdeeds.
Is there fairness in surrender?
I can’t help but wonder.
My legs dance with sparks
As I laugh through the thunder.
The grief swallows my head,
Then spits it out in seven slices.
One more day of pure terror
And I will loose my last vice.
-Jackie
Bite my head off and barter it for some peace of mind,
Tell yourself it’s never too late to kill off my kind.
Your legs crawl up my spine with divine affection.
I can’t look back,
Can’t take another resurrection.
Spit out my past kindness like it’s poisonous licorice,
Stare right at your mistakes and talk pure gibberish.
You crave the warmth I poured right onto your bones,
But I can’t do that now.
You have to die on your own.
-Jackie
My thoughts, the very same you used to love,
Now twirl like the first November snow,
Erasing the existence of the path you paved,
Allowing the little light inside to glow.
My shadow, the very same you left for the dead,
It knocks on the glass until I lose my grip.
One day the rays will rid me of the memories
And bring ease into my fingertips.
My neck, the very same you wanted to snap,
Now bends under a gentler touch.
You branded me too demanding to love.
Turns out I did not even ask for much.
-Jackie
The grey tones in the clouds and on the cobblestone streets
Protect me from the ghouls perched somewhere underneath –
Under my skin, under my coat, under each one of my lashes.
The ghouls try to seduce me, but it’s hard to reignite my ashes.
The grey city cries an old name that seems to ring a bell.
I see pale creatures climbing out of the nine circles of hell.
Some greet me like a friend, some snarl and gnash their teeth.
I point a bloody finger and send my demons out to feed.
-Jackie
Nobody wants to see me tearing up
Or losing my temper in a taxi,
But you made me furious enough to do so.
I was suffocating,
But you didn’t even ask,
And I guess that’s what you think I deserved.
You were the best thing I could get,
At least that’s what you made me think
When loving you felt like I’ve lost some bet.
Nobody wants to hear me admitting it
Or losing my youth to you
But you made me smitten enough to do so.
I was breaking in two,
You said it was expected.
You couldn’t possibly believe I was such a fool.
So I burned my promise,
Then broke your ground
Until every tear you cried filled my chalice.
-Jackie
I light candles and watch them warm up my room,
I spell out curses that will outline your doom.
You asked if I’d turn your life into a tragedy,
If I’d slice and dice your struggling legacy…
But you’re no longer the ruler of this disaster.
Watch me spin like a hurricane, faster and faster.
I sprinkle hot sparkles on our graying story,
I hex you and your reasons, excuses and sorries.
-Jackie
I don’t have any conflict to resolve with these words
And I don’t have a plan for forging myself a new sword.
I’ve been longing and waiting for a moment like this.
Peace within my own skin is what I’ve dearly missed.
My petty self holds no weapons up her grandiose sleeves.
If you look close enough, you won’t notice fresh schemes.
It’s been a minute or two since I’ve exhaled just air
Instead of spewing dark flames with a splash of despair.
The anger tried to wrap its hands around my fragile neck,
Taking me through some alleys that I deeply regret.
Now I don’t have any conflict to resolve in these lines,
And the scars will get paler, but only with time.
-Jackie
I was just sixteen when that fever dream started,
And I had to leave thinking that I got outsmarted.
Each time I tried to give the dream another shot,
I left wishing I could tie my whole heart in a knot.
A decade flew by, but time froze in some places.
I chased someone who could slow down my pace.
Every single soul I found made me question myself
Until I stopped renting out my mental health.
On the surface nobody even noticed the change,
Only a few saw the grey teardrops on the last page.
Perhaps it is not bad to stop seeking complexity,
All it ever did for me was kill what was meant to be.
And maybe this next story will be a better tale,
Maybe my own heart will not get broken over mail.
At least it does not feel like a fever dream today,
One small step for my younger self,
Still high on dismay.
-Jackie
The salty breeze washes away the bitter feeling on my tongue,
And I try to trap the freedom the wind breathes in a jar.
My pain bleeds into the sand, but I can only stand and watch
As my youth cries sour tears while watching from a far.
The grey fog covers my shoulders in questions still unasked.
One day the clear sky will slice me into bits and pieces.
The sea chews at my feet, trying to swallow me whole,
But the shallows keep me safe between sentiment and breezes.
-Jackie
I will show you my scars if you try to ask nicely
And I will tell you how to break or entice me.
Turn off the lights and see the glowing bruises.
Silent treatment was his favorite weapon to use.
No, it does not hurt, but is still does haunt me,
The venomous jokes and nicely done taunting.
He was one of the good ones until he was not.
This is now my hell, and all I do here is rot.
I could use a friend, I could use a new lover.
I could hug my cold skin under the covers.
I will tell you where the ink turns into blood
And I will show you how to drag a name
Right through the mud.
-Jackie
The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright 