Ice-Cold Killer

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I was too young when I met you, almost like in that song.

You called me a kid to my face, and all I knew was to play along.

The looks we sneakily exchanged blossomed into blue irises,

But they rotted before I fell and built you grand dream palaces.

At least that was what I thought, I was never good at predictions.

You held me like a burning match as you stated your convictions.

I laughed when I first heard them, I thought you were just joking.

The silence in that room served as the loudest of tokens.

When I returned home, I cried and swore to let you go,

But the seasons changed my mind as leaves hid under the snow.

We were left alone, and my grey dependency got saturated.

I saw us growing closer, we were electric and infatuated.

Maybe it was me growing older, but maybe I let you shred me.

You picked me up like a draft, tore me before you even read me.

We argued about bad movies and other childish inconveniences.

All this time you did not see me, even when I gave you my lenses.

Because I was too young when I met you, way too easy to drown,

And you called me an ice-cold killer when I was only a clown.

Just like in that song, you were looking at the picture upside down,

You were wrong all along, but I still feel heavy when I see you around.

-JW

A Stolen Thank-You Note

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We tend to erase our greatest shames,

We switch up the narratives until they are blank,

No addresses and no names.

And we play tug of war with destiny,

Frantically trying to climb the ranks,

Turning a blind eye to scarcity.

We are greedy without having skin in the game.

Dreaming about taking down banks,

Always finding someone else to blame.

While I admit all my shortfalls,

It is you I must thank,

You made me this frail and small.

Every day I must think of you, it is a burden.

You turned my ideas into your think tank,

And I did not matter if I was hurting.

While the others try to outsmart time,

You watch, sipping sauvignon blanc,

Bathing in stolen limelight.

And we tend to erase our greatest regrets,

But your slate has always been blank,

Free of unlucky bets,

Protected by a steady riverbank

Like a damn movie set.

-JW

Night Terrors

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Shiny bugs crawl under my white bedsheets each time I drift off to sleep,

They bite my thumbs and suck my blood, they scratch my aching feet.

Their wings buzz in cacophony when they circle my lifeless form.

I am surrounded by their haunting songs, I am trapped in a cage of orbs.

No, I cannot leave the dream unfinished, I cannot make myself wake up.

The bugs crawl up my chest and arms, their legs feel strange, so sharp and rough.

My thoughts twirl in-between the winds, begging for a middleman,

A single soul that could assist me with crossing these two burning lands.

But I end up trapped in this frozen silence, alone in my infested bed.

Bugs climb my hair like stairways, hissing like they have not been fed.

I cannot move, I cannot kill them, I watch them claiming my dark soul.

Their night terrors turn me into a pale illusion of someone whole.

-JW

Villain

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I had my friends over for a housewarming celebration,

Watched them dancing all night like we were on a vacation.

But your eyes stayed dark despite the golden sparks,

You sighed as we chaperoned them through the park.

And you said: “Everyone loves you, it must be so great,”

While you were scrubbing plates back at my new place.

Your thoughts raced like wild horses, knocking me over,

And this furious anger tapped lightly on my shoulder.

My mind counted excuses just to free you of this fantasy,

There is no currency less valuable than jealousy.

“I truly hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, love,

Nobody here signed up for your one woman show.”

You ran out of the room, I heard you putting on your coat.

I almost felt relieved you left me stranded on this boat.

And we both knew the reason, you told me last night.

My truth was a white flag, still it cut you open like a knife.

You told me it was fine, fighting back the boiling tears.

When he entered the room, you made sure I was near.

“What a bizarre little place, wouldn’t you agree?”

He smirked at your attempt to break my right knee.

And your eyes stayed cold all evening, freezing me numb.

Now you are back at his place, gossiping over rum.

You know it was not me, you know I am not your villain,

I am not yours to replace like an unpaid fill-in.

-JW

Leaving Me

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I know I might collapse on the beige floor before this next chapter begins,

But there is no time to nurture my own humanity in these violent hills.

Last Friday I passed out in my bed, limp and filled with sharp anxiety pins.

They are asking me to take one day off, but I cannot bear staying still.

The rain slips down my face like the tears I never dared to cry out loud.

I know I am guilty of only showing my masks when I face the crowd.

The questions they throw at me resonate, they drown out my sound.

I would abandon this hopeless life, but my ego tells me I am not allowed.

-JW

Prayer

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You sit on my chest, breathing heavily,

Your words weigh more than a grand piano.

I tell you lies like “I missed you terribly”,

And my voice switches to a soprano.

You swing your legs from the edge of my ribs,

Digging your heels into my lung.

It must be true – you get what you give.

You are my death, and I met you too young.

But you just laugh, sounding like the devil.

No, I cannot stay mad at you.

I remember how I was once your rebel,

Now that memory feels like a worn-out shoe.

Yet here you are sitting on my chest,

Dragging me down like a rusty anchor.

I hope you know – I tried my damn best,

Despite the blasphemy and the slander.

-JW

Cheap Wish

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You didn’t have to drive your spines through my esophagus,

You didn’t have to build up your defenses.

You shouldn’t have insisted that you’re speaking for the both of us

As I was bleeding out on your white picket fence.

Still, you put me back down like a cheap T-shirt in the store

When you didn’t find a use for my gentle words.

You didn’t even have to pay a pretty penny for my soul.

Still, you just used me when you were bored,

Then you set me ablaze like a cheap wish on a New Year’s Day.

I filled the night sky along with the fireworks.

You told me how people like you, oh, they only play,

And my part in all of this was to keep up with your score.

But you didn’t have to scratch your nails on the back of my neck,

You didn’t have to paint me black and blue.

I guess you knew that when you called me a wreck,

I guess I was never enough to truly keep you.

-JW

Follow You

Photo by Stephen Paris from Pexels

The tall trees behind me breathe on my neck as I step out in the field.

Greyish clouds are playing hide and seek with the moon, acting as its shield.

My eyes get used to the darkness, the night bursts and flows into my irises.

The first raindrops slide down my back as I close my lids and dream of pyramids.

White lights flicker around me, they surround me like a cackle of hungry hyenas.

I taste the electric air with my lips, it wraps me in gentle foam like Venus.

A moment more and I will not feel the rain or the shadows standing behind me.

Just one more heartbeat and I will have the courage to follow you blindly.

-JW

The Duality Of A Loving Man

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Your breath settles on my skin like fairy dust,

It leaves seafoam green glitter everywhere.

I have to climb out of this rut, I know I must,

But your eyes warm me more than the sun,

And that is not fair.

Your thoughts surround my head like bees.

I am covered in honey and floral scents.

The wind takes away my money, my keys,

And I try to chase them in the meadow,

But my vision is too bent.

Your words dig into my wrists like shackles.

My head spins, looking for an escape.

I cannot give you my trophies or battles,

No matter how much you push me down

Or choke me with tape.

Your fingertips grab my jaw with passion,

I know it is one of your many games.

You laugh as you step on my final rations.

There is uncertainty in your voice,

And I know I am to blame.

-JW

Champagne

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Two bottles of champagne later you will forget my face.

You tried to be transparent while your truth was covered in lace,

And it distorted the image, it only showed some of the puzzle pieces

As you were stitching together my ideas for your winning thesis.

Honey, I have no anger to spare for your second-hand love.

Two bottles of champagne later the push will come to shove.

Your silky excuses will once again block my sight like muddy fog,

And I can only hope this time I will not chose wrong.

Your kisses will drip down my neck like the first spring rain.

I guess it is easier to apologize if you never felt the growing pain.

Two bottles of champagne later your mercy will be wasted.

You will watch me running for the door, wanting to erase it,

You will be setting fire to my life right from the moment we met,

And the distorted image will change again, until I finally forget.

-JW