They Feed On My Stories

Photo by Alexey Demidov

I see them holding my fingers,

But I cannot feel their warm touch on my skin.

The numbness flows through me like a river,

Pushing me down like a pin.

I know I must go on without feeling.

This is the path I must follow ‘til the end.

Severed heads float through the air screaming,

But there is no time to bend.

I rush towards the neon door,

Searching for a single sign that could stop me.

The eerie emptiness speeds up time,

And every new exit is just a copy.

I trip on the wires and cables,

Falling down the hole that they’ve dug so neatly,

And they rip my stories from my shaking hands.

I really hope death beats me.

-Jackie

Sinking Feeling

Photo by Ethem Kartal

There’s plenty of sadness lingering in the careless tears you left in me.

My head spins around like a disco ball, deflecting the grey trepidation.

Must all my stories end in loss and someone innocent leaving?

You know I let you quit as you please, so what’s with the hesitation?

I swear that no sea can compete with the sinking feeling you give me,

But the highs smell like early spring rain and my will succumbs to you.

Only I can save myself from this silver trap I built for the two of us.

Still, I’m hoping that you won’t run when you see that I’m not waterproof.

Don’t tell me you’re sorry about the way you cut me into pieces,

And I won’t tell them the promises that you made just to get high.

The feeling inside will dissolve like fog if I dare to breathe in the fumes,

But I’m not sure if I want to see the truth when I’m covered in your lies.

-Jackie

Fix A Fool

Photo by Ethem Kartal

Some weeks breathing feels like hell in the making,

And you’re watching me fall again so there’s no faking it.

Three days ago, I carried your sentences like jewels,

But sometimes two days apart can fix a fool.

I look back and I wonder where I found the strength.

You know I don’t ever try to make amends.

Still, each time I crawled back to you in the dark,

Hoping you’d clap and cheer when I revived the spark.

You just sneered at me from your velvet tower

While I punched the cold walls in my boiling shower.

Maybe I’m just a jester, maybe this is a circus.

Maybe you’re right – my love can’t even scratch the surface.

Yet, you tend to forget that I don’t need you in my heaven.

If you want me to disintegrate, just count to seven.

Three days ago, I bent in your arms like a tool,

But sometimes two days apart can fix a fool.

-Jackie

Last Chapter

Photo by Atahan Demir

I cross out the ending,

I make my amends.

Don’t call me a lover

And don’t call me a friend.

If the walls could talk,

They would drown me in whispers.

My legs are bruised,

Covered in blisters.

I spill the dark ink,

I override the feeling.

Don’t think about staying,

Don’t think about kneeling.

If the sky could heal,

It would rain flames on you.

Let’s end this story,

Let’s paint the light blue.

-Jackie

Stuck

Photo by Zeeshaan Shabbir

My own inability to leave you drains me,

And I suffocate under each word that you swallow.

The doorknob locks eyes with me, chuckling softly,

Knowing that I am headed towards the gallows.

How do I walk away without being the killer?

Your victimhood waves above our house like a flag,

But your little cruelties crave some new blood,

And I am your trophy, your favorite price tag.

The idea of the old me slips my mind these days.

You must feel proud seeing these walls falling.

I stand still as my feet get covered in vines,

Hoping they all see that this love is not my calling.

Still, I stay in the corner like some apparition,

And my lungs are heavier than my pale lids.

The doorknob locks eyes with me, crying gently,

As you once again treat me like a stubborn kid.

-Jackie

Follow You

Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric from Pexels

I follow you into the dark,

I walk with you through the mud.

The months leave their mark,

But I have you in my blood.

I crawl through grass with you,

I lay on my back in the streets.

You taste like a witch’s brew.

It is funny how feelings fleet.

-Jackie

Sleepless Nights

Photo by elifskies from Pexels

Our windowpane drips slick iron paint,

And it covers the scenery until there is nothing left,

Only the dull reflection, only the pain,

And a few frail thieves accused of petty theft.

There are people outside, but they do not notice,

Even when I knock and beg in agony.

I hear them calling me a damn novice

For letting my windows get covered in debris.

They do not see how the iron is made,

How it leaks from the ceiling whenever I sleep.

But I guess that is just the secret of trade –

Let people drown, then throw them into the deep.

-Jackie

Not A Two-Faced Liar

Photo by Filipe de Azevedo from Pexels

Some of the weight might just slide off my shoulders

At the mere mention of you losing sleep.

Some of my fears might come out in the open

If I see you weeping while counting sheep.

This is not about revenge or grand power imbalance,

And I am not a two-faced liar at all.

You did not touch me, did not mock my talents.

This is not an irony, so do not bawl.

I told you once and I told you all evening,

But you did not listen, did not care.

When my skin was bruised and my ego was bleeding,

You cemented my silence with some fear.

This is not about revenge or grand power imbalance,

And I am not a two-faced liar at all.

You did not touch me, did not mock my talents.

This is not an irony, so do not bawl.

Some of the pain I have been carrying with me

Might dry out if I hear your begging.

So, maybe I will reach the final epiphany

If I see you cancel you own faux wedding.

This is not about revenge or grand power imbalance,

And I am not a two-faced liar at all.

You did not touch me, did not mock my talents.

This is not an irony, so do not bawl.

-Jackie

The Creature

Photo by Engin Binbas from Pexels

The creature hiding behind my abdomen hates you tonight.

It growls and it bites, it rips open my stomach,

It chooses to ignore the light.

But I cannot blame it, I am just as miserable standing right here.

Every pore in my skin is bleeding out,

But you say that it is I who should be feared.

Maybe that is the truth, and maybe we should leave it that way.

Afterall, I was never truly a victim.

Afterall, “the prey chooses to become prey”.

So, pardon me as the creature from my abdomen haunts you down.

Do not beg for mercy, no,

A clown chooses to become a clown.

The creature hiding under my skin consumes you tonight.

It growls and it bites, it feasts on your bones,

And that sound is my lullaby.

-Jackie

Remember

Photo by Athena from Pexels

Remember when I told you about my new apartment, I told you first,

And you seemed so proud it almost felt like a curse.

It was in the cheapest part of the city, but you said it was cozy,

And the world was collapsing around us, but our glasses stayed rosy.

Remember that I always called you stunning on your bad hair days.

You made fun of my clothes, told me that fake beauty fades.

We tried to find out which one of us could drink more coffee.

When I let you win, you held up my frown like a damn trophy.

Remember how we used to fight like the outcome truly mattered.

You called me the naïve Alice, I told everyone you are the Hatter.

And you never tried to clean the blood from the kitchen floor,

It was always more important to keep a track of the score.

Remember that we never held onto the grudges or the purple scars,

We hid the scabs and broken egos under layers of tarp.

We knew that one day we would show each other all of the knives.

Do you remember?

We skipped town before the heartbreak took away our lives.

-Jackie