Tag: Jackie’s diaries

How did we burst into flames before you got to hold me?

I shouldn’t have reached for the light switch that night.

The green lies in your vessels gripped my skull like a trophy,

And the passersby told me it was a fearsome sight.

I thought we both mattered, but I think that you misspoke.

There is only you in the grand reflections and frames.

It has been a while since someone took me for a joke,

And I did not expect for you to dig me three graves.

Love, why did I combust into fractions for your pleasure?

You can deny it, but I still think you burned me first.

My rage knows no bounds, your spite knows no measure.

The warm fire we once lit is now battered and cursed.

-Jackie

All signs point to the edge of this cliff,

And we are destined to be fate’s latest victims.

I remember you saying nothing good will come out of this,

But I was not convinced,

Hoping we’d split the difference.

I claimed distant corners of your mind.

My barriers melted under your mellow breath.

You showed me parts of my being that I could never find,

And I knew if I stopped,

Nights would taste like red regret.

We took off flying without looking back.

The pastel sky fed us translucent fantasies.

It took just one drop of rain to make the sugar crack,

And I saw you for who you are –

My last unfulfilled prophecy.

All signs point to the end of this dusk.

We are destined to be tonight’s latest casualties.

I remember you saying nothing good will come out of us,

But I leaned in,

And now we’ll never know peace.

-Jackie

The door of the old church was heavy,

But you made sure I got in right after you.

Why do all of our stories sound saintly?

I bet nobody really believes they are true.

You might even remember your words

Or how you made them sound like an oath.

Love was not something we could afford.

We knew one day it could drown us both.

Still, we swam in these deep waters,

And each time you vanished, I followed.

I told you about the curse of my father

While your sentences stayed hollow.

I would have chased you as the end was nearing,

I would have made you a part of me.

People showed up as you kept disappearing,

But I did not care about their empathy.

Whenever you returned, the scars closed,

And my pain got brushed under the skin.

I knew that one day I would get disposed.

Still, I craved your love like it was a sin.

-Jackie

I still remember the beginning of us.

It has echoed through me like some old tale.

I know you and I know us like I know my own shadow,

And I know that your coffin is missing one nail.

Maybe it was our little dance that got me,

Maybe the peace you brought swept me away.

I have showed you every angle I have,

And I feel scared every time you choose to stay.

Three borders keep us in different time zones,

But I hope that one day I will tear them down.

My shattered pride tells me that I am failing.

I do not know what to say when you drown.

Still, I remember the beginning of us,

And it replays in my head until I feel nauseous.

I know you, but maybe I just know myself.

These walls I build tell me I should be cautious.

-Jackie

I am watching from the other side,

Observing my every move through a lens.

Not sure if I can still defend these choices,

Not sure if I still have any friends.

It is easy to leave in the middle of a storm –

Just pack your bags and sneak out.

Each time I calm the violent winds,

My fate puts me back on the killing route.

I have been the hunter for too long.

If souls exist, mine has long been buried.

My sins fall like snowflakes in front of me.

Suffering and I have always been married.

And I do not know where I am going,

But I am well aware of the damage I cause.

Loneliness never truly bothered me

Until I saw it wrapped in gauze.

-Jackie