Tag: Jackie’s diaries

You didn’t have to drive your spines through my esophagus,

You didn’t have to build up your defenses.

You shouldn’t have insisted that you’re speaking for the both of us

As I was bleeding out on your white picket fence.

Still, you put me back down like a cheap T-shirt in the store

When you didn’t find a use for my gentle words.

You didn’t even have to pay a pretty penny for my soul.

Still, you just used me when you were bored,

Then you set me ablaze like a cheap wish on a New Year’s Day.

I filled the night sky along with the fireworks.

You told me how people like you, oh, they only play,

And my part in all of this was to keep up with your score.

But you didn’t have to scratch your nails on the back of my neck,

You didn’t have to paint me black and blue.

I guess you knew that when you called me a wreck,

I guess I was never enough to truly keep you.

-JW

The tall trees behind me breathe on my neck as I step out in the field.

Greyish clouds are playing hide and seek with the moon, acting as its shield.

My eyes get used to the darkness, the night bursts and flows into my irises.

The first raindrops slide down my back as I close my lids and dream of pyramids.

White lights flicker around me, they surround me like a cackle of hungry hyenas.

I taste the electric air with my lips, it wraps me in gentle foam like Venus.

A moment more and I will not feel the rain or the shadows standing behind me.

Just one more heartbeat and I will have the courage to follow you blindly.

-JW

Your breath settles on my skin like fairy dust,

It leaves seafoam green glitter everywhere.

I have to climb out of this rut, I know I must,

But your eyes warm me more than the sun,

And that is not fair.

Your thoughts surround my head like bees.

I am covered in honey and floral scents.

The wind takes away my money, my keys,

And I try to chase them in the meadow,

But my vision is too bent.

Your words dig into my wrists like shackles.

My head spins, looking for an escape.

I cannot give you my trophies or battles,

No matter how much you push me down

Or choke me with tape.

Your fingertips grab my jaw with passion,

I know it is one of your many games.

You laugh as you step on my final rations.

There is uncertainty in your voice,

And I know I am to blame.

-JW

Love, did I deserve to be treated that way?

You finally got me alone,

Nobody standing between you and your prey,

And you took whatever I refused to give,

Pretending you can mold me like clay.

But you gifted me hate you can never outlive,

The only good thing from that day.

Now I hold that memory close to my heart,

Hoping you pray I never give it away.

Love, you are so scared I will show my cards,

You sink your tears in old ashtrays.

My truth haunts your soul like a ghost,

It will always be there, it will stay.

I am the one thing you fear the most.

Still, you chose to get your way,

And this is your final toast.

-JW

Your trembling palm reaches out to things it can never afford,

It reaches out to people it can only hold down with a sword.

There was something in your voice when you spoke the first word.

Perhaps I should have known better, perhaps you always wanted more.

I have been guessing how many women have burned your clothes,

A simple number that would give me pure solace, I suppose.

Between all the agreeing voices you hear, must be hard to hear noes.

When they set fire to your misdeeds, I will buy out the first rows.

And I did not hate you before, no, but you hated yourself in advance.

My humanity was just a performance to you, just a dance.

You might wonder some nights if I would have given you a chance.

The answer is right there, hiding between your violent hands.

I keep losing sleep and I hear you keep losing the grasp on reality,

You take all the worst parts of yourself and dress them as divinity.

Do not hold your breath waiting for me, I have run out of civility.

Men like you buy their sins in dozens until they reach infinity.

And your trembling palm reaches out to things it can never excuse.

You do not play to win, you only want to make the others lose.

There was something in you that summer night, but I missed the cues…

Perhaps you should have known better the first time I refused.

-JW

I do not hear them talking about you anymore.

You have locked their lips and sealed the bedroom door.

Once the bell rings and they hear your steps on the stairs,

All the heaviness will sink, leaving them bare.

But not today, not even tomorrow, honey.

You left us like a cruel god, you cursed them and judged me.

I feel like a child wishing on a falling star at night,

Counting down the passing cars until I run out of light.

Even now I cannot blame you for leaving me behind.

They were coming at you like vultures, gnawing at your mind.

You asked for my guidance, but I never called you back.

The love you wasted on me stung like a heart attack.

If I must be honest, I wish I could erase that part.

The silence in your room turns all air heavy and hard.

But you have melted the key and locked that damn door,

And I really do not hear them talking about you anymore.

-JW