Life In The Vertigo

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She was another oath you chose to ignore when it came in handy.

You wanted a daughter who could handle fruit brandy,

A successor with a taste for indecent men who saw her as eye-candy.

Yet, she did not bow to your black-tie ways of circumventing morals.

You gave her away for dimes to keep on your white collar –

And not because you needed yet another blood dollar.

She was a trophy you waltzed around the kitchen once a year.

They believed you when you said, “she is to be feared,”

They trusted you, just you, and stripped away everyone she held dear.

Nobody talks about your deals or how you stay in the shade, no.

She dreaded how they spun the story but learned to live in the vertigo.

On Fridays she even smiled, knowing you are sinking in blow.

With nowhere to go, her mind welcomed every colossal tale,

And her tongue was way too quick for her wit to ever fail.

Still, she waited for your condolences in the mail.

They spoke about her “deadbeat father” behind doors and backs, but never to her.

They assumed that one day she will slow down and adhere,

Only if she listened, only if she finally agreed to hear.

But there is only so much that locks and wrapped lies can cover.

The truth slipped off its masks, releasing all that has been smothered.

She had no choice but to make revenge her lover.

-JW

Bitter

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The loop is tightening around my neck every time someone mentions your name.

Seven stages of grief repeating in my head, seven stages that I never overcame.

So, I keep lying to the ones who care – I think it is half the work, I think they buy it.

The loop digs into my skin, severing arteries, and my thoughts start another riot.

Not to sink in lifelong clichés, but I must admit I knew since the time I met you.

Your eyes felt like glass on my exposed skin, they were so cold I turned blue.

Every single minute in your presence I felt your control slipping out of the way.

My perfume got stuck in your head for hours, then it lingered for another day,

Until you got me alone and chose to cross the boundaries like wild rivers.

It has been a month or so, I cannot think about that evening without dire shivers.

You took the one moment I shined and soiled it, you could not have chosen better,

Because now I cannot help but refuse all good things as they taste too bitter.

The loop you tied around my neck almost took my spine one too many times.

It is funny – how men like you get a chance to never think about their crimes.

So, I keep lying to myself, pretending that the truth is bendable to your winds.

The loop feels like a noose sometimes, and I am not sure if I can win.

But at least I have some hope,

The same cannot be said about your sins.

-JW

On My Own Accord

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Take back the gifts and your filthy excuses,

Don’t count me in when you’re counting on your muses.

They say men like you never face the music,

But I wonder if you’ve learned just how short my fuse is.

Take back the epithets and idioms you used,

Whisper my name in your nightmares as you look for clues.

My knees aren’t broken, they’re lightly bruised,

And I’m guessing you thought I’d be a softer fool.

Take back the lustful stares and the touches,

I’ll never think about you when my blood rushes.

Well, that’s a lie, I spew fire and it catches,

I could fill a stadium with the sound of your shushes.

Take back your threats and sharpened words.

If you want to fight me, don’t do it with swords.

My tongue can take out men leading your overlords,

So, I’m guessing that you know by now –

I’m taking it all back on my own accord.

-JW

Loud Enough

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Tell me one more time how I should laugh it off,

How I should grow a thicker skin

Just to fit right into your plot.

No, honey, I am out of patience for bold men,

I am out of reasons to excuse them

Or to let them off my pen.

I want to drive my ink through them like a hook,

Twist it through the spine,

Take the blood and burn their books.

They call me embarrassing for speaking out.

But why are they so worried

If I have nothing to be loud about?

On the other hand, why would I even bother?

Afterall, I get nothing here,

I stay broke after shaming your brothers.

And I do not have skin in the game, my love,

But I have my whole flesh burning

As you watch from the front row.

So, tell me again how I should laugh it off,

How I should grow a pair…

When will my pain be loud enough?

-JW

Six Feet Underneath

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I’ve killed them all, don’t test it,

Don’t question my lessons.

I’ve broken high waves,

Exchanged dollars for tales.

Some shamed me for speaking,

Like they needed a reason,

But I kept my palms together

As they cut my feathers.

I’ve burned bridges and towns,

Stabbed ships until they drowned.

There is no end to violence,

Just bury me in violets.

And I’ve seen it all, I promise,

I’m rarely this honest.

Let me show you how to breathe

When you’re six feet underneath.

-JW

Red Sirens

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The lightbulbs in my palace buzz the name of my betrayer.

I kneeled in front of his tarred lies,

Believed him when he promised to return for me later.

But I stand alone as my silhouette melts away like snow.

I bowed my head in front of his grace.

You know I would sell a soul for a chance to let him go.

The lanterns warming up my cold street scream in agony.

I crawled my palms raw in front of him,

Took the sound of time running out for a symphony.

But now I sit on the freezing rock floor in complete silence.

I laid my life in front of his insecurities.

Still, I would die again at the sound of his red sirens.

-JW

Voiceless

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The voices that haunt me are deliberating in the corner.

I bet by Monday they will have fresh lies to tell me

And a better plan for getting me to the coroner.

My consciousness is floating in boiling charcoal debris.

As the voices sharpen their crooked yellow teeth,

I struggle to say a word, I struggle to breathe.

They approach me with crosses, raining blood on my bed,

And stare in disgust mixed with vain satisfaction

When I silently whisper, “I would rather be dead.”

The voices that haunt me are screaming my every thought.

I bet by Tuesday they will quiet me down

And dance in the ashes of all the fights I have fought.

-JW

Exit Wounds

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I danced with your seven devils last night.

They broke my spirits, they showed me how to fight.

My fists were ready to take down my shame,

But you buried me in it, then buried your own blame.

I ran with your deepest fears last night.

They are a wicked crowd with rotten bodies to hide.

My lashes were ready to dry and evaporate.

You pushed me in harm’s way, you did not hesitate.

I fell with your palaces of lies last night.

They reopened my exit wounds and took a large bite.

My skin was ready to let me bleed out,

So, you broke my neck and left me in the drought.

-JW

Unwritten Dreams

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I live in fairytales composed by a violent author.

She paints me in white and calls me the martyr.

The milky shades run down my skin in harmony

Until her undying ink becomes a part of me.

I live in fairytales burned at the witching hour.

Thirsty flames turn all my sweet endings sour.

Screeching gasoline runs down my skin in agony

As my unwritten dreams become their own parody.

-JW

The Night

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The night dribbles on my tongue like a bittersweet symphony,

It plays with my senses, it wants the moonlight to sing with me.

I have been counting my blessings and writing down the spooks.

The night watches silently as I burn down my deepest roots.

And I know what they say about people who survive on darkness –

We are the wicked crowd, forgotten by the gods of our fathers.

But the night stares patiently as I wash my scars with bleach.

The shadows form black smoke around each limb that bleeds.

Lately all the lightness has become just too heavy to carry.

I naively wish on a dying star like it does not have bodies to bury.

The night drips down my lips with all its sticky sentiments,

It plays with my mind, trying to find where I lost my innocence.

-JW