Tag: Jackie

I Bet

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Anonymous mysterious ghost woman standing in dark forest at night
Photo by Khoa Võ from Pexels

I bet you did not even notice the creeping voice inside of my skull,

The mind control device behind me with its volume set to null.

I bet my eyes looked happy though, and I bet the laughter charmed you.

The emptiness behind my pupils, baby, it would never harm you.

I bet the red tint on my chapped lips seemed just like a high-end gloss,

Not the blood of those we bury six feet under, below the moss.

I bet the papers will turn my story into a movie the very next morning,

The reporters will deny the fact that I was hurt, that I was mourning.

I bet they will involve my family, and they will offer weak apologies,

And within a minute or less they will come up with a faux eulogy.

I bet it will never cross their minds, I bet they will not even bother,

They will bury my dreams and hopes until I am fully smothered.

I bet my death will feel like a victory to their constantly greying bones,

I bet they knew all along that I cursed them

To carry their crosses all alone.

-Jackie

The Follower

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I remember playing my piano a little too loud that gray evening,

And I remember singing along to every song about pain and grieving.

The snowflakes danced into my room with their frozen smirks,

But the cold spared me as the night came to be just like clockwork.

All the candles on the windowsill swayed along to my lyrics.

Still, the stars blinked distantly like some world-renowned cynics.

And I do not remember hearing you enter my tiny apartment,

Looking like imminent death, ready to finish what has been started.

Your boots left wet and guilty footprints on my beige floors,

You smashed the mirror on my closet, the one I have always adored.

I knew that you looked familiar, and god knows – I remembered

Your face popping up everywhere I went since the last December.

The grin and your bloodshot eyes said it all, but I acted confused,

Like I have never noticed you, never heard you calling me a muse.

“Let me amuse you,” you said while approaching me awfully slowly,

Knowing far too well I am the furthest thing from someone holy.

I remember taking the candles to the curtains, lighting them up,

And I remember you protesting, weakly trying to interrupt.

The wind fanned the flames and they roared with unrestrainable force,

But the heat spared me while it made your voice fragile and hoarse.

With smoke in your eyes, you ran right into my fuming trap.

I pushed you right into the fire, and the flames ran in laps.

The yellow, red, and orange consumed you in a matter of moments.

I really wonder if you ever noticed all the bad luck omens.

-Jackie

The Forest Fire

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Photo by Jens Mahnke from Pexels

She danced like a shadow,

And she twisted like a flame

As she skipped to the gallows,

No regrets and no shame.

She twirled like a leaf,

But she held up like a promise.

When she told you to leave,

She burned down your palace.

She fell like an empire,

She lived on like a tale.

They named her The Forest Fire,

Too toxic to inhale.

She survived like a hurricane,

Always taking what’s hers.

She buried her last pain

In her own hearse.

-Jackie

My Own Gun For Hire

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Photo by Iryna Kuchakova from Pexels

I plummet towards the green Earth with the speed of sound,

And my cries get absorbed in the air as I am nearing the ground.

The heat is boiling my blood alive, and my wings are failing me.

Is this the very end or is it just another fleeting memory?

Moments ran before my eyes, and they made me walk the wire,

Now my own sentiment will be my death, my own gun for hire.

Too many smiling faces pass through my head in a carousel,

It is too late to call them back, life is drying me like an immortelle.

But I plummet towards the parks and gardens I once loved,

And where I once saw arrows, I now see hundreds of doves.

The hope runs through my veins like birch sap in early spring,

Yet the impact is inescapable, so I grin as I rip off my wings.

-Jackie

Over

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Photo by Jan Kopřiva from Pexels

Now that this is finally over

For the very first time

I feel like I am sober,

And the ink has dried,

Sealing this past October.

You have nowhere to hide

Except in this misery

That is torturing your mind,

Adding insult to injury.

I watch and I cackle,

Hoping you had the courtesy,

But you cut and you tackle,

Hiding jokes in apologies.

So, now that this is over,

I can finally do as I please,

Make life my lover,

Burn all your memories.

-Jackie

Redemption

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I got exactly what I wanted, I got every last thing,

I got my emerald crown, I got my gilded wings.

As I danced at midnight, swaying like a birch tree,

The scars from my past became just memories.

Because I got what I wanted through blood, sweat and tears,

And many people smirked when I overcame my fears.

Still, I got the safety, and I got a stable home,

And in my animated mind I was never once alone.

I got my happy ending on my own silver screen,

But the final frames faded faster than the sheen.

While my champagne ran dry, I did not notice the shadows,

I did not see the evil men building me black gallows.

One day the life I knew shattered right before me,

It ripped like an old poster, broke like a cheap trophy.

Yes, I got exactly what I wanted, but it was not enough.

I smiled through my teeth, but the men called my bluff.

They stripped me of my jewels, they even took my pride.

When they were not looking, I hid away my mind.

I got all that I wanted, so they wanted some too,

And they took my golden eyes and died them deep blue.

The loss suffocated me like hot city air at night,

The disrespect cut my pale face with its knives.

I got the wings and the chalices but had no weapons.

They laughed at my words, they burned down my lessons

Until all that was left was just me and my thoughts

Swimming in my grey skull, twisting into knots.

I was ready to face the music then and there.

The evil men approached me, laughing at my fear.

As they lifted their blades in this falsified victory,

I cut my palms open on the broken chalices,

And I painted the streets red, I bled until they pleaded.

I lost all that I wanted, but got all I ever needed.

-Jackie

Your Final Fantasy

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They keep writing best-selling novels about how enchanted I should feel

When someone looks at me like they own me,

Like I owe them my sex appeal.

They call me stuck up when I complain, they never want to hear me out.

So, I write it down on paper and burn it,

Making sure I do not make a sound.

They gloss over the battle wounds I carry under my aluminum belts.

As long as they do not notice the bruising,

They do not want to hear about the welts.

They even act shocked when people like me decorate the front pages,

And they march in the streets to stop it,

Displaying their little, poisonous rages.

But those who live in cages of their own making will never be free,

They will bite the neck of every wild bird

To taste the flesh of their final fantasy.

Let me be clear, I do not pity them, I just hope they cannot catch me

As I steal their eyeballs when they are asleep

So they can no longer lick their lips at me.

I will keep writing petty little poems about how disgusted I always feel

When someone talks like I am a trophy,

Like I am something that they can steal.

-Jackie

The Long Winter Nights

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This winter is difficult to carry alone,

I feel it gnawing at my brittle bones.

It growls when I leave, howls when I return,

It chokes me out with its freezing fur.

The darkness slips through my window at night,

I feel it lingering to my right.

It holds up my chin and makes me drink,

It drowns me in thoughts I cannot win.

The snow is falling gently on my floor,

And the winds run through the open door.

My limbs go numb, my tongue capitulates.

As the light will die, they will speculate –

What happened to her, what happened here?

Was she killed by a heartbreak or was it fear?

They will never blame the long winter nights,

They will never check their alibis,

And they will say:

“She didn’t put up a fight.”

-Jackie

A Careless Woman

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You ran through my mind, ran faster than a bullet,

And got stuck to my skull like old bubble gum.

You ripped my thoughts, and you emptied my wallet,

Danced around me, smelling of tobacco and rum.

You hit my forehead like a golden lightning bolt,

Emptying my lungs of fresh air to breathe.

You spilled all the lies that I have never told,

Then baked my brain in the summer heat.

You watched as they took me for a careless woman,

You did not try to correct them once.

They branded me immoral, branded me inhuman,

They said I should go and listen to the nuns.

You spun me around faster than an autumn storm,

And I did not get a chance to land on my feet.

This romance, it used to be biting yet warm,

Now it bathes in my loss, my ultimate defeat.

-Jackie

The Business Of Hope

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The sentences I dare to say out loud,

They speak a lot about great forgiveness,

They talk about trying, and they gather crowds

Like all great monologues about falling to pieces.

But I am not happy or hopeful at all

Watching people die from this empty glass palace.

Whenever someone believes me, my skin crawls,

And death refills my shattered chalice.

I am selling an illusion, and I am selling out.

I am selling my ideas to the highest bidder.

Even though it seems like I should not be allowed,

Still, I feel lonely, I feel bitter,

Almost like my words erase all my actions,

And nothing counts at the end of the day.

If you think you see right through me, that is just a fraction,

Just another scenario, another play.

The carousel never stops spinning and selling me,

It runs on this worthless business of hope,

It runs on people with the finest pedigree,

And those like me, trying to escape the rope.

-Jackie