Pages turn to ashes,
Words sink into the lashes.
I remember every phrase,
Every break and empty space.
The feeling lingers
Like the touch of your fingers.
Time fades the scars
And the lies in your car.
I know I will forget,
Leave this dark safety net.
Some memories will stay,
Hide in pots and trays.
But the pages will perish
With the words I once cherished.
You will become a story
I tell people who bore me.
-Jackie
I had my friends over for a housewarming celebration,
Watched them dancing all night like we were on a vacation.
But your eyes stayed dark despite the golden sparks,
You sighed as we chaperoned them through the park.
And you said: “Everyone loves you, it must be so great,”
While you were scrubbing plates back at my new place.
Your thoughts raced like wild horses, knocking me over,
And this furious anger tapped lightly on my shoulder.
My mind counted excuses just to free you of this fantasy,
There is no currency less valuable than jealousy.
“I truly hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, love,
Nobody here signed up for your one woman show.”
You ran out of the room, I heard you putting on your coat.
I almost felt relieved you left me stranded on this boat.
And we both knew the reason, you told me last night.
My truth was a white flag, still it cut you open like a knife.
You told me it was fine, fighting back the boiling tears.
When he entered the room, you made sure I was near.
“What a bizarre little place, wouldn’t you agree?”
He smirked at your attempt to break my right knee.
And your eyes stayed cold all evening, freezing me numb.
Now you are back at his place, gossiping over rum.
You know it was not me, you know I am not your villain,
I am not yours to replace like an unpaid fill-in.
-JW
The early autumn air showers me with its seamless elegance.
My palms are in your coat pockets
As my words lose their relevance.
The first leaves are turning yellow, just like when we first met.
I wonder if you remember,
I hope that you cannot forget.
Sometimes I look into your eyes and feel this wave of sonder.
You have been holding on,
But we do not get any younger.
And the early autumn air turns into frost on our worst nights.
I promised to carry the cross,
I swore I would lose the fights.
The last leaves are falling down my neck as I lie in wait.
My palms crumble a letter.
We both know it is too late.
-JW
Bright orange sun’s setting over your empty building,
The windows carry your refection, pale yet gilded.
The apartment’s wrapped in your evaporating scent.
It’s fading into nothingness, stealing away the rent.
You’re gone but the misery is running on empty.
I’m just wishing someone would volunteer to help me
And bring back what’s left of you in this wasteland –
But tragedy only kills those who face it first-hand.
I miss you while the sun plays with your coffee cups.
Your neighbors don’t know, I hear their laughter erupt.
From your living room window I see the place we met,
Now it feels like a long-abandoned movie set.
I get on my knees and let the light burn me dry,
Praying to anyone who would listen for one last high.
Yet, the radio silence is unforgiving, as always,
And I know I’ll move on from these never-ending dog days.
Still, the orange sun haunts me through lonely evenings,
It fades your reflection and calls it grieving.
Looks are deceiving.
I need you to stay just to keep breathing.
-JW
The oblivion in the corner of my brain seems to grow.
It nags my senses, threatening a row,
Calling my peace a riot –
Despite my soul staying deadly quiet.
So why is it growing, who’s feeding its rhetoric?
These thoughts are so vehement,
They launch at me with grave disgust,
Dusting off all the pain I’ve never discussed.
In the centre of it – there’s you,
Replaced with coordinates and clues.
And I know I must resist this,
Your words are too malicious.
But the oblivion surrounds us
With discomfort and chaos
Until the terror grows larger than we could ever dream.
It shoots back at the universe, beam after beam,
And we’re frozen,
Almost like we’re chosen…
I let the chips fall where they may.
There’s comfort in masterless fate.
I pick up the shards,
I cut you out, pretending it isn’t hard
To admit that we were never in the cards
As my soul watches like a prison guard.
But the oblivion in the corner of my brain seems to go.
It takes your face and all the pain I’ve ever known.
Not for long, no,
I’ll see you next weekend to repeat this show.
-JW
There’s this unspoken fear in the obvious
That’s devotedly snaking around the both of us.
Our wrists are leaking poison into the well
But I won’t say it if you won’t tell.
They’re drinking it up, they’re cheering out loud.
The biggest liar is the face of a crowd.
Our lids are dripping neon into the well
But I won’t say it if you won’t tell.
We’re drifting apart, firing bullets with our tongues,
Wounded to death but the night is still young.
Our heads are spilling gasoline into the well,
But I won’t explode if you won’t yell.
-JW
There’s this moment each evening when the town goes monochrome –
Nothing but an alien shade spilled over the surfaces, nothing but chrome.
The clouds are grey, the streets are grey and the buildings are grey.
The sun says its goodbyes to another vibrant whirlwind of a day.
And whenever the grey wraps the town in the silky blanket of the night,
I see your house lighting up like a tower of the most gleeful light.
Right over the hill you turn on every single bulb in your possession
To fight the numbness away, and maybe even to teach it a lesson.
I’m not that sure it’s truly you, standing there with your flesh and bones,
But I haven’t seen your face in a year so I hope you’re also this alone.
Once the first drops of ink get added to the steely sky, I close my blinds.
There’s this moment each evening when I wish
That ten wrongs could make a single right.
-JW
The first breath of spring pushes its fangs into the city.
It’s not a question of why, it’s a question of when it’ll hit me
That not a single blood cell of mine remembers your venom
And the gashes in my chest no longer open if you tear them.
Perhaps time heals all but pure spite cures in leaps –
No wonder tears dry faster when the rosy fog leaves.
I keep driving past the places where you made me overflow
And now they smell like gasoline, the warning sign of a foe.
It might seem foolish but I’ve been walking by your street
Hoping that I get a chance to bring you the desert heat
Just like you did, shamelessly thinking you’re being witty…
The first breath of spring pushes its fangs into the city.
-JW
The vulnerability in my thighs want to escape through the floor,
It is grasping my feet, telling lies, my heaven and hell are torn.
And the perfection you keep assigning to me hurts, it’s so sore,
But you just push through the surfaces and tell me to count to four.
The counter is broken, darling, and so is my steady patience,
There’s nothing left in me that tolerates you, nothing gracious,
And I wonder whether my wishes ever really crossed your mind
Because you only show those puppy eyes when you apologize.
But it’s all about the power and not about being grateful,
It’s about being wickedly sour, about being too distasteful.
You bring the tenderness for everyone’s viewing pleasure.
When I hide away the teeth, that’s when you call me a treasure.
What is it you truly treasure, is it a quality or a measure?
Do my eyes add some relief to this equation or only pressure?
But it’s still a dream of mine to figure your dominance out.
You’ve lived like this for way too long and way too proud.
So I let you run faster, I let you trip over your confidence
‘Til you realize you’re alone and I’m not your last confidant.
-JW
One day the sun will shine for me and not for you.
You’ll beg it to stop like I once begged you
Too many moons ago.
But, honey, we’re on top
And you’re no longer latched onto me.
You’re free fall will be just a flop,
But you’ll still mix crudeness with honesty.
Go ahead and drag me on their sharp, grinding teeth.
Laugh in your palms quietly
As you’re struggling to breathe.
Because it was always you, dear,
Headed for the mighty fall.
Hide your shaky hands as it nears,
Don’t fear their anger, just stand tall.
I might’ve put you in the sun one too many times.
Now that we know there’s no place for you,
I won’t hide away the crimes.
And one morning the light will come for me, not for you.
Today feels like the second to last chapter
Of you ever mouthing
“I’ve got power over you.”
-JW
The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright 