Tag: Candy’s diaries

The reasons escape me like dizzy moths escape darkness,

And the black spill in my ocean tells me the sky is starless.

I do not know if I can make it a day or maybe two,

My animals are rioting, getting ready to leave this zoo.

I sit and I look back at the things I have killed for fun.

It breaks my pale skin, but will I ever be done?

My therapist says I should be much nicer to myself,

But if I do, no one will hear when I finally beg for help.

It is true, I only lose dear people when I get better –

A healing soul can only open so many mean letters.

A burning soul will cling onto gasoline to feel alive,

And I was never that good with using the prop knives.

All I have known is my soul being used like a free sample.

Now there is not much left, so do not take a gamble.

The reasons spill from me like blood from a fresh cut,

And the last light in my ribcage tells me to kill this rut.

-Jackie

I sip them like wine,

But I don’t know the limit.

I trap love in a rhyme,

Then go and kill it.

Honey, I’m a menace,

Just be careful.

Leave me on a terrace,

Scarred and tearful.

I breathe them like fumes,

But my lungs are grey.

All I do is lose,

I’m an empty tray.

Honey, I’m a whirlwind,

Sharp and unstable.

I showed you how to sin,

Then turned the tables.

-Jackie

I fell for your tricks because they kept away my ghouls.

Little did I know – you would never show me yours.

My red mascara dripped on the beige kitchen floor.

I told you my truth, but you just called me a tool.

You made me indecisive in the worst situations,

I healed you like a wound, treated you like a patient.

My survival instinct must have been on a vacation

Because when I look back, I no longer have the patience.

I fell for your charms because I was too proud to lie,

And I granted others wishes and a dozen second tries.

But I am starting to remember how to not want to die.

Love, now I know better – bravery is a reprise.

-Jackie

I hate it when people use my name.

They do not have the right, they do not feel the shame.

My brain is a bomb, and, baby, it ticks.

Maybe I’m poisoned by my politics.

Yet, I hate silence more than I should,

I chase it with a knife around my neighborhood.

The anxiety flashes through me in sharp crashes,

And acidic tears get stuck to my lashes.

I hate it when people try to make me cry.

Haven’t they heard?

I left my soul out there to die.

My brain is a parasite, always sucking me dry,

Chasing after substances that make me high.

-Jackie

I stand three inches from the noose,

One peace to gain, one heart to lose.

Still, I am the happiest person I know,

The girl smiling at you from the front row.

I stand just three steps from breaking down.

Oh, these voices are violently loud.

Still, no one seems to notice me falling.

I am the girl that found her calling.

I sway over the trench one, two, three times.

It hopes that one day I call it mine.

Still, they clap as I fly towards the end,

The girl that never called life her friend.

-Jackie

She’s chasing her demons with whiskey,

That’s all the spirit she needs.

She loves them till the glass turns misty,

Then she opens up and bleeds.

Don’t turn away, she just cannot help it.

Baby, when it rains, it pours.

Her eyes turn from wells to empty buckets,

And the walls turn into doors.

But don’t you mind it, she’s almost done.

Watch as the new sun rises.

The face of the day kills all her fun,

It buries her in demises.

-Jackie

I gave you my mind, but you needed more.

I gave up my life, you said “make it four”.

You slit open my eyes,

Bruised my thighs.

Now I walk the streets and I agonize.

I gave you my stories, it was not enough.

You needed someone who fills your cup.

You bled me dry,

Left me sick and high.

It is time to sing the last lullaby.

-Jackie