Tag: author

Banana Peel

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I bled for thirteen days trying to make myself heal,

Bled for thirteen days before you turned me into a meal,

And you ate angrily, devoured me with great vengeance,

Hoping I would finally give up and go with the angels.

Between all these assumptions you made me carry,

The one about me falling on my knees really scare me.

There must have been a moment you realized:

“My chains will get her weak, emotionally paralyzed.”

Then, there must have been a moment you knew

That you cannot fix the damage you have caused with glue.

I bled for thirteen days trying to make myself heal,

Bled for days to make you slip on a banana peel.

And I made you fall into the abyss due to a technicality.

You swore you would climb out, but you lack the mentality.

I stand by the very edge and laugh as your face disappears,

As it vanishes, as my heart erases my deepest fears.

-Jackie

My Grand Silence

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My grand silence is burning words into your tongue.

It is a cold weapon in my hands, it keeps me young.

They call it the elixir of life and the kiss of death,

But they are all wrong, they are wasting their breaths.

My grand silence threatens them more than any beast,

It freezes hells over, then leaves for the east.

They try to steal my potions and make me scream,

But they can only get hold of me in their dreams.

My grand silence bleeds like a wound in the neck,

It drains my enemies of blood, kills their respect.

They fear the sight of me, but my voice even more,

Still, they chase it like a creature from folklore.

-Jackie

Let Them Burn You Down

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These stories of shame and helpless wander,

I used to collect them like dirty pearls, wrap them around my neck,

Acting like this noose was a necklace,

Pretending that I held the right cards when I’ve lost my deck.

But I’ve burned the shyness, I’ve killed it.

Believe me when I say that I bathed in the ashes for hours.

Now all I hear are sirens, they get louder,

And I get this sudden urge to embowel everything we called “ours”.

It’s time for you to get pushed out on the open street,

Face your past demons, face your grizzliest fears.

Hear my stories, stop, and hear them out just once.

Let them burn you down like they’ve burned me for years,

Like they’ve killed me me for months.

-Jackie

The Loop

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My bed has sharp canines, and it has a strong jaw.

It wraps its mouth around my weakened claws,

Reminding me through loud growls and moans

That all I have is myself, and myself alone.

My sheets have a poisonous touch, and it numbs me.

Before I know it, the fabric hits me like morphine.

I cannot move, so I just wait until it passes,

And the chemicals break my fogged up glasses.

-Jackie

I Swear I Tried

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I heard you telling them I live in fantasies.

I was a shoe you found on a street,

Then threw it carelessly,

Hurting innocent civilians,

Laughing as you made them bleed.

And it was all my fault, wasn’t it, love?

My guts escaped my stomach like a wave,

And I knew you were watching from the front row,

No regrets, no,

No point to rescue, no point to save.

But I swear I tried to tell you I was hurting,

My eyes were painting the darkest pictures.

All you knew was that I was deserving –

Of your violent delights,

Of mockery and caricatures.

Yet, the balance shifted one word at a time.

Your olden ways got way too rusty,

My bruises healed, erasing your crimes,

But also giving you an illusion,

A feeling that you can trust me.

I heard you telling them you never touched me

As they took your shaking body away.

This feeling of golden joy, it just rushed me.

Don’t ever again underestimate

People standing up in your way.

-Jackie

Not A Two-Faced Liar

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Some of the weight might just slide off my shoulders

At the mere mention of you losing sleep.

Some of my fears might come out in the open

If I see you weeping while counting sheep.

This is not about revenge or grand power imbalance,

And I am not a two-faced liar at all.

You did not touch me, did not mock my talents.

This is not an irony, so do not bawl.

I told you once and I told you all evening,

But you did not listen, did not care.

When my skin was bruised and my ego was bleeding,

You cemented my silence with some fear.

This is not about revenge or grand power imbalance,

And I am not a two-faced liar at all.

You did not touch me, did not mock my talents.

This is not an irony, so do not bawl.

Some of the pain I have been carrying with me

Might dry out if I hear your begging.

So, maybe I will reach the final epiphany

If I see you cancel you own faux wedding.

This is not about revenge or grand power imbalance,

And I am not a two-faced liar at all.

You did not touch me, did not mock my talents.

This is not an irony, so do not bawl.

-Jackie

The Creature

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The creature hiding behind my abdomen hates you tonight.

It growls and it bites, it rips open my stomach,

It chooses to ignore the light.

But I cannot blame it, I am just as miserable standing right here.

Every pore in my skin is bleeding out,

But you say that it is I who should be feared.

Maybe that is the truth, and maybe we should leave it that way.

Afterall, I was never truly a victim.

Afterall, “the prey chooses to become prey”.

So, pardon me as the creature from my abdomen haunts you down.

Do not beg for mercy, no,

A clown chooses to become a clown.

The creature hiding under my skin consumes you tonight.

It growls and it bites, it feasts on your bones,

And that sound is my lullaby.

-Jackie

Remember

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Remember when I told you about my new apartment, I told you first,

And you seemed so proud it almost felt like a curse.

It was in the cheapest part of the city, but you said it was cozy,

And the world was collapsing around us, but our glasses stayed rosy.

Remember that I always called you stunning on your bad hair days.

You made fun of my clothes, told me that fake beauty fades.

We tried to find out which one of us could drink more coffee.

When I let you win, you held up my frown like a damn trophy.

Remember how we used to fight like the outcome truly mattered.

You called me the naïve Alice, I told everyone you are the Hatter.

And you never tried to clean the blood from the kitchen floor,

It was always more important to keep a track of the score.

Remember that we never held onto the grudges or the purple scars,

We hid the scabs and broken egos under layers of tarp.

We knew that one day we would show each other all of the knives.

Do you remember?

We skipped town before the heartbreak took away our lives.

-Jackie

I Fear The Third

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Two days along the line, just two,

And I am already done with hoping that I can make it out alive.

They tell me to enjoy the quick climb,

Tell me to keep my mouth shut and keep my demeanor benign,

But it has been two days, just two,

And I cannot count how many pieces my heart has shattered into.

They applaud my bravery and guts,

Then name call me behind my back, listing all the lows I have been to.

It has been two days, I fear the third.

My ears are ringing, blood cells are having a sprint in my hot veins.

They push their heels into my neck,

Making me beg them to let me survive, making me cry in pain.

Two days along the line, no more.

I am lying on my back, praying that I have the strength to leave.

They tell me it is never getting better.

I scream back and they stare in disbelief as I finally learn to breathe.

-Jackie

Fresh Daffodils

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What did I do to deserve this?

The spinning elephants, the roaring circus,

The lights wrapping the octagon,

Announcing a battle I have already won…

Why did my house of cards fell?

Joy has one rule – never oversell.

So, I wonder how I got it all wrong

Before the fate finished its favorite song.

Not that I skipped any lessons, no,

I always had some shoes to throw.

I was the kid sitting in the front row,

Re-writing scripts for Broadway shows.

So, what did I do to deserve this?

The fire turning my insides into hubris,

The hot coal beneath my aching feet

And your voice announcing my defeat.

Why did you take the castle down with you?

You promised to never paint it blue.

Now my mind is freezing itself alive,

And no one dares to give you an alibi.

It is you against everyone else again,

You against those you once called friends.

And you watch as the pressure builds

Until we die on your damn hills,

Then you go back to the city,

Looking for fresh daffodils.

-Jackie