All Her Little Horrors

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All her little horrors will eat her soul alive,

All her little fantasies will make her a terrible bride.

Still, she will try to convince them that her hurt is real,

But they will throw her away like a banana peel.

All her little stories will dry out her charms,

All her little narratives will only bring fear and harm.

Yet, she will never listen to their friendly warnings,

She will hiss at every stranger who ever calls her “darling”.

All her little rumors will set her fate on fire,

All her little truths will grow into fake guns for hire.

But she will bleed red until they drain her out,

And only once she passes, they will care about the shouts.

-Jackie

My Final Sacrifice

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Carry me in your arms until you cannot go any further,

Put me down on your altar like a gift to the gods.

Let them consume me in the name of their holiest father,

And let them use my spine as a lightning rod.

Watch me being sliced into thin pieces and whispers,

Cover your eyes when it gets way too gory.

When they turn my dull eyes into buttons that glisten,

Please let them do it all and never feel sorry.

Once they are done wasting my body and my purpose,

Carry every part they leave behind to the forest.

Put me down beside the fire, in the middle of the circle,

And hum your favorite song, hum the chorus.

Do not look up as I crawl out of the dust.

Each piece they robbed me of will only add to my power.

Let them know I persevered their greed and their lust,

Let them know they will die at the next witching hour.

-Jackie

In Vengeance and Bloodlust

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Those furious dogs are out there to finally get me,

The dogs are out to finally chase me down.

I would run away if you just let me,

But you chain me up and paint me like a clown.

You run your dirty fingers through my hair,

And I try to escape, but you make me take it.

All those words I said about you not being fair,

They disappear as soon as I just fake it.

Those hungry wolves are coming closer each day,

The wolves are there to eat my lean bones.

I would feed them, I would take them out to play,

But you tie me down, empty and alone.

You only ever see me when the sun dies.

I am noticing that you always look away,

And I wonder if you remember the lullabies

That you sung in a voice of somebody who prays.

Those vengeful gods are after me, and you know it.

No, you cannot make me your saint forever.

Let me fall from grace, yes, let me blow it,

Let me show them that a fiend can be clever.

You put me on a pedestal when I was shunned,

And you hid me even after knowing I was guilty.

But now all the hymns, they have been hummed,

And if you stay behind me, you are twice as filthy.

Because those furious dogs are out there to bite me,

The dogs are out to finally chase me down.

So, I pick up my blades and ask them to fight me

As I slowly turn into a wicked hound.

-Jackie

The Bloody Vail

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They covered all the mirrors in my room,

But I still recall us dancing, looking back at our youth,

A picture crisper than an apple, a bride and a groom

Getting drunk on love and some cheap vermouth.

They opened all the windows in our house,

And I pulled down the curtains, wreaking havoc.

They blew out the candles, buttoned up my blouse,

Sung to me gently as I listened to the traffic.

They put on their finest black gowns.

I tried to convince them – this is not the occasion.

His family drove over from the other town,

And their tears reeked of a ruined vacation.

They stood around me like it was a ritual,

Petting my hair and giving me long gone flowers.

It is funny how some view death as habitual,

“What human creates, the God devours.”

They all looked at him with pity and pain,

Ceremonially cussing out life and its violence.

They did not even notice my bloody vail

Or how his bruised palms made me forever silent.

-Jackie

I Bet

Anonymous mysterious ghost woman standing in dark forest at night
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I bet you did not even notice the creeping voice inside of my skull,

The mind control device behind me with its volume set to null.

I bet my eyes looked happy though, and I bet the laughter charmed you.

The emptiness behind my pupils, baby, it would never harm you.

I bet the red tint on my chapped lips seemed just like a high-end gloss,

Not the blood of those we bury six feet under, below the moss.

I bet the papers will turn my story into a movie the very next morning,

The reporters will deny the fact that I was hurt, that I was mourning.

I bet they will involve my family, and they will offer weak apologies,

And within a minute or less they will come up with a faux eulogy.

I bet it will never cross their minds, I bet they will not even bother,

They will bury my dreams and hopes until I am fully smothered.

I bet my death will feel like a victory to their constantly greying bones,

I bet they knew all along that I cursed them

To carry their crosses all alone.

-Jackie

The Follower

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I remember playing my piano a little too loud that gray evening,

And I remember singing along to every song about pain and grieving.

The snowflakes danced into my room with their frozen smirks,

But the cold spared me as the night came to be just like clockwork.

All the candles on the windowsill swayed along to my lyrics.

Still, the stars blinked distantly like some world-renowned cynics.

And I do not remember hearing you enter my tiny apartment,

Looking like imminent death, ready to finish what has been started.

Your boots left wet and guilty footprints on my beige floors,

You smashed the mirror on my closet, the one I have always adored.

I knew that you looked familiar, and god knows – I remembered

Your face popping up everywhere I went since the last December.

The grin and your bloodshot eyes said it all, but I acted confused,

Like I have never noticed you, never heard you calling me a muse.

“Let me amuse you,” you said while approaching me awfully slowly,

Knowing far too well I am the furthest thing from someone holy.

I remember taking the candles to the curtains, lighting them up,

And I remember you protesting, weakly trying to interrupt.

The wind fanned the flames and they roared with unrestrainable force,

But the heat spared me while it made your voice fragile and hoarse.

With smoke in your eyes, you ran right into my fuming trap.

I pushed you right into the fire, and the flames ran in laps.

The yellow, red, and orange consumed you in a matter of moments.

I really wonder if you ever noticed all the bad luck omens.

-Jackie

The Forest Fire

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She danced like a shadow,

And she twisted like a flame

As she skipped to the gallows,

No regrets and no shame.

She twirled like a leaf,

But she held up like a promise.

When she told you to leave,

She burned down your palace.

She fell like an empire,

She lived on like a tale.

They named her The Forest Fire,

Too toxic to inhale.

She survived like a hurricane,

Always taking what’s hers.

She buried her last pain

In her own hearse.

-Jackie

My Own Gun For Hire

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I plummet towards the green Earth with the speed of sound,

And my cries get absorbed in the air as I am nearing the ground.

The heat is boiling my blood alive, and my wings are failing me.

Is this the very end or is it just another fleeting memory?

Moments ran before my eyes, and they made me walk the wire,

Now my own sentiment will be my death, my own gun for hire.

Too many smiling faces pass through my head in a carousel,

It is too late to call them back, life is drying me like an immortelle.

But I plummet towards the parks and gardens I once loved,

And where I once saw arrows, I now see hundreds of doves.

The hope runs through my veins like birch sap in early spring,

Yet the impact is inescapable, so I grin as I rip off my wings.

-Jackie

Over

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Now that this is finally over

For the very first time

I feel like I am sober,

And the ink has dried,

Sealing this past October.

You have nowhere to hide

Except in this misery

That is torturing your mind,

Adding insult to injury.

I watch and I cackle,

Hoping you had the courtesy,

But you cut and you tackle,

Hiding jokes in apologies.

So, now that this is over,

I can finally do as I please,

Make life my lover,

Burn all your memories.

-Jackie

Redemption

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I got exactly what I wanted, I got every last thing,

I got my emerald crown, I got my gilded wings.

As I danced at midnight, swaying like a birch tree,

The scars from my past became just memories.

Because I got what I wanted through blood, sweat and tears,

And many people smirked when I overcame my fears.

Still, I got the safety, and I got a stable home,

And in my animated mind I was never once alone.

I got my happy ending on my own silver screen,

But the final frames faded faster than the sheen.

While my champagne ran dry, I did not notice the shadows,

I did not see the evil men building me black gallows.

One day the life I knew shattered right before me,

It ripped like an old poster, broke like a cheap trophy.

Yes, I got exactly what I wanted, but it was not enough.

I smiled through my teeth, but the men called my bluff.

They stripped me of my jewels, they even took my pride.

When they were not looking, I hid away my mind.

I got all that I wanted, so they wanted some too,

And they took my golden eyes and died them deep blue.

The loss suffocated me like hot city air at night,

The disrespect cut my pale face with its knives.

I got the wings and the chalices but had no weapons.

They laughed at my words, they burned down my lessons

Until all that was left was just me and my thoughts

Swimming in my grey skull, twisting into knots.

I was ready to face the music then and there.

The evil men approached me, laughing at my fear.

As they lifted their blades in this falsified victory,

I cut my palms open on the broken chalices,

And I painted the streets red, I bled until they pleaded.

I lost all that I wanted, but got all I ever needed.

-Jackie