Category: Jackie’s diaries

Just Tell Me

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The horses keep racing towards the steep hills,

And I shake the trees to get the latest thrills.

What a beautiful reality, what a sacred world.

Just tell me to jump and I will follow your words.

The meadows are eating me up like the sun,

I get hidden away in the grass like cheap guns.

My prayers have never choked out my voice,

But this time I am praying louder than the noise.

And the river slides down the mountain in peace,

It has been a while since I have felt such ease.

My feet playfully dangle over the jagged end.

Just say the word, I will make fate my friend.

-Jackie

No One Will Care

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Six months pass by in a blink of an eye,

Six months drag on like an eternity.

No one has to believe the tears I cry,

No one owes me a damn apology.

But you are a snake in long grass,

And I am the fire chasing you.

They swore that all my hate will pass,

They promised we have talked it through.

Still, the places where you clipped my wings

Ache whenever the moon is full,

And I have moved on to better things

As you are setting your value to null.

It has been six months, I have learned plenty,

Now it is time to burn you down.

Nobody saved me when I was twenty,

No one will care when I take your town.

-Jackie

Face The Music

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The silence I hold in my palms beats like a ripped-out heart,

It is taking its last breaths as I pierce it with the sharpest darts.

And I break the silence like a glass on a dirty stone floor,

The coldness mixes with the clear shards as I count to four.

My breath rolls down my tongue faster than a tidal wave

Until there are no martyrs left for the nobleman to save.

I cross my heart as I shout from every rooftop of your empty city,

Wishing I could get it back without feeling their faux pity.

But I know they hear me, and soon enough I will prove it,

The silence I held will be the reason you finally face the music.

-Jackie

The Foolishness Of Fate

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Someone told me years ago by a sleepy lake:

“You meet the people you are supposed to meet,

A year too early or a year too late,

Still, you feel like you have never seen a smile that sweet.”

But I chased a dream for a living for five years,

Wasted away my youth on cheap truces with the enemy.

I did not hold back a harsh word, but I held back the tears,

Hoping the sorrow did not become a part of me.

All I did was try without batting an eye,

And I did not listen even when the noose was closing.

Fate is a funny thing, I hated the knots it tied,

And how it tore me open like some old clothing.

But I ended up right here, so it must have been foresight,

Even the nights where I got it all wrong.

I was missing the signs and looking for my knights,

Complaining to every stranger about this life being too long.

Still, I ended up by your side nearby a sleepy lake,

And it felt like home more than my own heartbeat does.

Not a minute too soon, not a minute too late…

The foolishness of fate came over me like a buzz.

-Jackie

My Funeral

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They said I was the devil when I showed them my good side,

They spread the rumors like cheap pills, spread them far and wide.

Those who once knew me did not bite down right away,

But the bitterness got to them like smoke from an ashtray.

They even called it my funeral when I tried fixing the record,

They swore they were playing chess when I was playing checkers.

Little did they all know, you cannot re-bury the long gone.

You cannot fix the tune in post if you got all the chords wrong.

So, they said I was a lost cause until I became their peril,

And they learned that there are things far scarier than the devil.

Those who never knew me only spoke my name as a whisper,

And all those who were buried with me became my sisters.

-Jackie

The Anatomy Of Her Downfall

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It is almost like I am watching from the sidelines,

Observing the anatomy of my own downfall.

They throw their coins at me, drown me in dimes,

Put poisoned needles right through my eyeballs.

And I just let them release their putrid anger.

I have run for too long, I have carried this well.

Now the stories of my life will turn into ambers

As my legacy will unleash its holy hell.

-Jackie

For Thee

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The pendant on my neck is too heavy to carry,

It is slowly stealing my shaky breath away.

Its silver holds all the stories I need to bury,

All the overdue debts that I must finally pay.

But the path ahead is muddy so I must hurry.

The wolves are after the scent of the impure.

The setting sun makes my aching eyes worry –

I am running out of light, and there is no cure.

Once seven stars rise, they will kill my story,

Ripping me into simple letters and spaces.

Until that hour comes, I must carry this for thee,

I must carry the cross until I lose my pace.

-Jackie

The Painting

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I swear I’ve seen the painting, he’s Dorian Gray,

But he’s also a menace molded from the cheapest clay.

There’s a splash of light right behind his pupil,

So beautiful it hurts, so bright it can’t be human.

And his hair falls right back into place each morning.

I can’t tell if I’m cursing him or simply adoring.

My head spins in circles as he untwists my tongue

And says a line or two about hoping to stay young.

I swear I’ve seen the painting, he’s Dorian Gray,

But he’s also the green light in Fitzgerald’s play.

Or was it a novel, an opera, a song?

Maybe he’s just a faux narrative we all got wrong?

The taste of deadly nightshade wraps my senses.

He must be an angel with the best kind of defenses.

There’s a splash of pitch black on his roaring chest,

So frighteningly dark my blood becomes blessed.

As I slip away, he looks right through me,

Coldly acting like someone who truly knew me.

I swear I’ve seen the painting, he’s Dorian Gray,

But he’s also a menace molded from the cheapest clay.

-Jackie

Gum

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I keep playing the songs I fell in love with when I was a teen

And spinning to the records I screamed in my early twenties.

Somehow the youth, oh, it never loses its liquid sheen.

Back then the opening track of Melodrama used to be plenty.

The trauma you gather by twenty-five is stickier than gum,

It will ruin your hair and stain your favorite pair of jeans.

What a shame, you only notice when downing cheap rum

As your favorite bands turn out to be a few crooked fiends.

Still, I keep playing the songs like they are a damn eraser,

Like they have the power to hold onto the pieces I lost.

Every memory keeps tasting more and more like a chaser,

And I know that soon enough they will remind me of rust.

-Jackie

The Giver

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I watch drops of blood fall from my nose and land on your white shirt

As we are stuck in a moment, glued to the pavement and grainy dirt.

Every piece of my past I have carried around now slowly slips away,

And I no longer have the memories, just this moment on this very day.

My mind feels like a broken cup, but your face is my final harbor.

We must say our goodbyes tonight, even if it seems like a murder.

Yes, I am torn, and I am bent, and there is nowhere for me to go.

I pray harder than a saint as I watch you leave through the first snow.

The guilt is flowing through the cracks of my skull like a hundred rivers,

And you knew better than anyone that I was a taker, not a giver,

But I promised my pulsating chest to you like it was worth a dime.

Too bad that before you got to accept it, we were torn apart by the times.

There are still my drops of blood on your shirt as the sun is rising,

My nose still hurts from yesterday’s punches as I observe the horizon.

I miss you like an unspoken wish, yet I am light enough to float,

Because I do not seem to feel the claw of the past on my pale throat.

-Jackie