Category: Jackie’s diaries

The lines on your forehead seem superficial,

And each syllable you utter sounds like a dismissal.

There once was a future for the young and angry,

Now there is just numbness storming the pantry.

The folds of your brain feel like a grand illusion,

And your fingers on my skin add to the confusion.

Am I sinking too fast, is this river way too deep?

I would reach for the oxygen, but I fear losing sleep.

-Jackie

Maybe the bright spark is finally lost,

Maybe I can find it if I get closer.

I am drowning in this unfulfilled lust,

Trying to find my four-leaf clover.

The grass is tickling my bare feet

As I step into the moonlight all alone.

My breath is fire, unfiltered heat,

And the blackest night is my home.

-Jackie

The tiny crumbs of regret fall onto my lashes like snow,

And I can no longer hold the water back,

I must let the tears flow.

There is a red fire far behind my charcoal black irises,

But if nobody notices the damn spark,

I can trap my fears into chalices.

I make them drink, then turn their sweat into ice sculptures.

Honey, how did I go this far?

How did I become one of the vultures?

-Jackie

The fabric of the path I once knew is ripping below my bare feet,

And the loving glances we once shared are dissolving in the heat.

There is no end, just pale threads and strings slowly coming apart,

And I am afraid if I throw my last dart, I might hit you in the heart.

-Jackie

I do not have it in me to pull the last straw,

I might face a certain death

Or the destiny’s claws.

The air dances on my tongue like a spark,

But I do not have it in me,

I cannot fight the dark.

There is just great and empty sky above me,

And my sun will not shine,

Hate me or love me.

I do not have it in me to step into the flame,

But I know I will have to,

With no fear and no shame.

-Jackie

I looked for you in freezing caves and in trenches,

By water coolers and on lonely park benches.

It seemed like I was searching in all the wrong places,

And as years passed by, I ran out of friendly faces.

But I looked for you like only lovers can look,

Ignoring every sign and ancient rule in the book.

Still, bitter was the morning my lungs gave out,

Lonely was the day my hopes were killed by the drought.

And I looked for you like savior looks for a crisis,

Just like a sinner who is seeking out new vices.

The last road I took led me right to your gardens.

Then and there I swore I will return where I started.

-Jackie

The moon is smothering the empty city parks

As I walk these unkind streets alone in the dark.

Nobody knows what happened or where I went.

No one notices until you do not pay your rent.

The blood in my veins is slowly cooling down,

Losing its red tint and growing putrid and brown.

My palms are paler than the moon over my head.

God, please do not tell them that I am dead.

-Jackie

The night taxi is taking me right through the streets that bit me.

I wish I did not know these parts of the city.

My eyes were once wide, and my tail was bushy.

Last week you called my pleas for help a little pushy.

I am far from naive, still your gaze gives me hope,

It ties around my neck like the finest killing rope.

But the streets smile back, and I snap back from the edge.

There is no nectar sweeter than boiling revenge.

I will go for the ankles, take you down with your words,

Mess up your well-tuned lies and your hidden chords.

The city is mine, even the buildings you own,

Even your trembling lip and that chivalrous frown.

Yes, I wish I did not know these sidewalks and bridges,

The nooses you hung from the windiest ledges.

But the taxi is taking me back to where this started,

Back when you were in love, and I got outsmarted.

-Jackie

The pendulum swings faster each week

I get further away from your poisoned creek.

My back is stiff, and head feels heavy,

The thoughts are getting too big to carry.

I cry you out like a river every night,

Hoping that I will continue the fight.

But time is a weapon in your calloused palms,

And I swore to never pick up the arms.

-Jackie

I ruffle their feathers each morning I open my eyes,

And it is getting exhausting –

Living in hell but pretending to reach for the skies.

I am suffocating, I am out of lucky tries,

And they know, yes, they know,

I am in the verge of breaking –

All they need is just one more punch to throw,

One more venomous pill worth taking.

Then I will bleed,

Ruin their carpets with my inferior breed.

So, each morning I open my eyes and take a moment.

How lucky am I to not have their greed?

-Jackie