Category: Jackie’s diaries

My pseudonyms, they ravish me,

They seize my last lifeline.

These mirrors are fleeting fantasies,

But hate lasts for a lifetime.

Pain treats me like its puppet,

It slams me awake,

And if I ever dared to cut it,

It would grant me a stake.

No, I do not fear the doom,

I only fear exposure.

My love is an empty room,

It seeks out rugged closure.

But what if words mattered?

Were mine even true?

My past is pale and battered,

And tomorrow tastes blue.

-Jackie

Just pass me that medal for pretending I don’t see them

As their lurking eyes touch me with the softness of a heathen.

“Choice” is the one word I let myself forget each morning,

And it begs for a funeral, but their eyes despise mourning.

Just write me the red checks, pay me out in solid sorrow.

My pleased face makes my living, but it is only borrowed.

They see me as a person, but they know me as a trap,

And each time I leave, they find white roses in their laps.

-Jackie

It might be time for you to learn that I am your last nightmare,

Not just a spook with some designer perfume and black lipstick.

You summoned me with salt like my terror was a quick dare,

But I strike them like lightning – one blink, and you’ll miss it.

It might be time for you to pick up that old chef’s knife.

My head will float above your bed each night until you face me.

You might get a chance at fighting god on your borrowed time,

But my judgment will hide in each shadow that feels hazy.

-Jackie

She walked out on you before you even noticed,

And all hope bled out before you clipped its wings.

Your old hometown friends called her The Poetess,

And you laughed along as they called it a fling.

Desperate moments ask for desperate measures,

But your apologies get stuck in your throat.

You even wonder if she feels the same pressure,

If her future feels like a sinking lifeboat.

She walked out the day you needed her most,

And their tongues painted her as the real villain.

Between red velvet kisses and champagne toasts,

She saw right through your jejune feelings.

Desperate moments ask for desperate escapes,

And she had to flee the scene before the crash.

One day she will peel her lips from the tape

As her words will leave you with a deep gash.

-Jackie

What’s the use of your wise reflections

If you color me with invisible paint?

These mirrors twist me in cruel angles

While you observe me like a saint.

Your sage green eyes stay anchored.

They chew right through my pale skin.

Was there really me before you?

Did you make me into a scarlet sin?

I don’t know if my breath matters,

And you choose to dodge the question.

Your words flow like great rivers,

But I’m not one of your obsessions.

So, why do you call me back?

My outlines are almost transparent.

One day I’ll fade with the winds,

And my dust will be your death warrant.

-Jackie

I look for stars in the sky above your building,

But the planes have occupied the velvet night.

Cold thoughts have replaced all of my feelings,

And I might get to breathe if I tame my might.

Blank stares shoot back at me like red lasers,

And I wish someone told me to run for cover.

Their rules and restrictions cut like razors,

But at this point pain is just one of my lovers.

I do not ask why the trees keep losing color.

The breaths I take remain small and measured.

Every song they play turns my path duller.

Soon I will forget all about these pleasures.

-Jackie

While some pray each night for a shot at forgetting me,

You wave your long flag of moral purity.

While they gift their love in these silver screen boxes,

You speak in half-truths and paradoxes.

But you have all the time in the world to erase me,

To cover my thorns in dying daisies.

You can be the first one to call my words shallow

While truth is a pill you cannot swallow.

Still, I broke the spell that kept us civil.

Soon enough the green leaves shriveled.

While you were patting yourself on the shoulder,

The home we built, it artfully smoldered.

You found better hobbies on every street corner

As I was crossing the northern border.

Now you are worlds away busy forgetting me,

And nothingness tastes a lot like jealousy.

Strangers fill my time, thinking I feel great.

I just want you to twist the blade.

-Jackie