Category: Candy’s diaries

The Guilty

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Their tongues snake around my ankles, hissing angrily.

I near the fire until the sparks illuminate my fragility.

No, they cannot take it, I must keep it in my pockets,

Must re-bury my scorched heart in a box and lock it.

We are all guilty here, but I do not want their venom.

I take their flasks, then spill them all over my denim.

It angers the snake pit, it adds fuel to the flame,

And they push me into the light, into my hidden blame.

I pull back from the warmth and let them bite down,

Their teeth clack on my skin, and it shakes the town.

My knees are glued to the ground as I give up the power,

Waiting for them to finally crush me and then devour.

Instead, I see the guilt evaporate from my bruised skin,

As someone whispers, “We cannot let the guiltless win.”

-JW

The Lighthouse

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You said I was a lone island with a tall lighthouse in the center, overseeing the seven seas.

You said I was a ruthless king, making laws as I was breaking them, never hearing anyone’s pleas.

I aimed for the throat before I met you, I slashed necks without looking in the victim’s eyes,

But you knew I could not point my blade at you, I could not tie you down with a hundred ties.

You told everyone my stories, and the reflection got distorted enough for me to lose myself.

You spun the mirrors until the image swallowed me, it turned me into a figurine on a shelf.

You said I was a frightening sea creature, luring sailors in my nets, cutting open their dreams.

And no matter how loud I said that you were a liar, your voice still drowned out my screams.

-JW

Voiceless

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The voices that haunt me are deliberating in the corner.

I bet by Monday they will have fresh lies to tell me

And a better plan for getting me to the coroner.

My consciousness is floating in boiling charcoal debris.

As the voices sharpen their crooked yellow teeth,

I struggle to say a word, I struggle to breathe.

They approach me with crosses, raining blood on my bed,

And stare in disgust mixed with vain satisfaction

When I silently whisper, “I would rather be dead.”

The voices that haunt me are screaming my every thought.

I bet by Tuesday they will quiet me down

And dance in the ashes of all the fights I have fought.

-JW

Unwritten Dreams

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I live in fairytales composed by a violent author.

She paints me in white and calls me the martyr.

The milky shades run down my skin in harmony

Until her undying ink becomes a part of me.

I live in fairytales burned at the witching hour.

Thirsty flames turn all my sweet endings sour.

Screeching gasoline runs down my skin in agony

As my unwritten dreams become their own parody.

-JW

Take My Guilt As A Deposit

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There’s always at least one storm brewing in the distance, and I keep it that way.

Trouble seems to find me too easily, so I only wish for just one more day.

But unless I see the dark clouds forming by the horizon, I cannot go on.

The horror is like music to my ears, and I cannot help but sing the song.

They call me a masochist when it comes to proving everyone else wrong.

I see the correlation and I don’t fight it; I’ve nurtured it all summer long.

The shadow creature within my chest keeps feeding on uncertainties.

It never controls me, no, it only gets fed when I do as I please.

When it comes to self-sabotage, I’ve never met anyone quite like me.

I’m the perfect tirage – they taste the wine, then destroy my psyche.

There’s a storm in the distance, there always is, and they say I cause it.

Trouble seeks me out in the darkest of places, takes my guilt as a deposit.

-JW

Forgiveness

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My axis spins around me whenever I drift away in my own thoughts.

The desire for life mixes with the last echoes of death,

And I forgive all the insecurities I once fought.

The sky stays still, it makes everything look easy, almost seamless.

I dream about my childhood, but nothing seems right,

Almost like I have always been Satan’s mistress.

The voices in my head make me scream from the steepest hillside.

All the energy I lose on petty things always comes back,

It burns alive in my chest, it stays inside.

And the pain doubles in size whenever someone dismisses my cries.

My axis obediently bends to the rising ocean waves,

And I forgive all of you who never apologized.

-JW

The Good One

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I used to know how quickly your eyes turned black when you spoke with your sins.

It was an honest battle until the very end,

Until you let them perish you and win.

I followed you down a hundred hidden rabbit holes to hold onto that last spell.

My intentions were wicked, I must admit,

But I did not lie when I promised to raise hell.

When you laughed, I smiled brighter than a scorching sun on Midsummer’s Day.

We buried each other in gilded affection,

We wrote our names in red clay.

I used to know that you are the good one, the one to return my long stolen peace.

It was an honest battle until the very end,

Until you put me back on my knees.

-JW

Escape

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I stole their ammo and ran away with the winds.

Wild animals followed me,

They carried my sins.

I hope they know I am not a traitor, I am not a fiend.

Whenever it gets dim,

I just level the field.

My shoes shattered under they venomous arrows.

But I kept running,

Sold my own bone marrow.

I stole their ammo and ran away with the winds.

Wild animals followed me,

They carried my sins.

-JW

Roadkill

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The anger flooded my basement and blocked the attic door.

It was the right time to leave,

But, as usual, I reached for more.

Now I am six hours away from the place I once called home

With no tricks up my sleeve,

Burning alive on an empty road.

You took me apart and then killed those I considered dear.

I can only grieve,

Kneeling obediently as the death nears.

The flames surround me, they form a crown above my head.

You branded me a thief

When I took back all I have bled.

And now the frames slow down, my vision grows blurry.

What an ending, so bittersweet,

The perfect allegory.

-JW

You Made Me Their Beast

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The cherry tree only blossoms once a year.

Our love runs on empty every day of the week.

I could not leave out the burning red fear.

They said I was cheap, they said I was weak.

The city parks trembled as we waltzed through,

Even the streets shattered under the pressure.

My intuition was strong, but it needed proof,

It needed to teach them all a lesson.

September approached us with little grace

As we were trying to put our lives back together.

The days ticked away, shooting love into space.

You promised we were birds of a feather.

When I was not looking, you cut down the tree

And fed it to quidnuncs with the sharpest teeth.

You made me their beast to set yourself free.

They thanked you for the fresh prey

As they chased me down in the heath.

-JW