Month: Feb 2022

I watch drops of blood fall from my nose and land on your white shirt

As we are stuck in a moment, glued to the pavement and grainy dirt.

Every piece of my past I have carried around now slowly slips away,

And I no longer have the memories, just this moment on this very day.

My mind feels like a broken cup, but your face is my final harbor.

We must say our goodbyes tonight, even if it seems like a murder.

Yes, I am torn, and I am bent, and there is nowhere for me to go.

I pray harder than a saint as I watch you leave through the first snow.

The guilt is flowing through the cracks of my skull like a hundred rivers,

And you knew better than anyone that I was a taker, not a giver,

But I promised my pulsating chest to you like it was worth a dime.

Too bad that before you got to accept it, we were torn apart by the times.

There are still my drops of blood on your shirt as the sun is rising,

My nose still hurts from yesterday’s punches as I observe the horizon.

I miss you like an unspoken wish, yet I am light enough to float,

Because I do not seem to feel the claw of the past on my pale throat.

-Jackie

My trust burned your skin like boiling water,

Still, you took it patiently, you buried my guns.

You followed me to the North Pole and further,

Kept me safe during the coldest months.

Your trust pushed a blade between my ribs,

But somehow that knife stopped me from bleeding.

Do you know what I would be willing to give

To go back to the day your beauty tripped up my breathing?

I was a dying star, yet you glued me together,

You wrapped me in blankets of rosy daydreams.

When the storms struck, we braved the weather,

Turned thunder into the brightest light beams.

But the love fizzled out like a short sparkler,

I learned how to breathe without your eyes in my life.

Even if the nights keep getting darker and darker,

I know I will make it to the other side.

Yet, the well of my sorries is a deep one,

Especially when I must look at your bruises.

But you will find a better Bonnie without a gun,

And find a new lover who never loses.

-Jackie

There is a cursed spirit in your mirror,

And I watch you pet it every night,

Tame it, hope it becomes dearer,

Yet somehow it never steps into the light.

Wicked claws scratch the old church,

But you turn the blindest eye each time.

Lately all your words have this force,

This power to sell me out for a dime.

Dark dust covers you when you sleep.

Still, you ignore it when you wake up.

The evil tongues, they twist and creep,

Stealing my dreams like sips from a cup.

There is a beast inside of your chest,

And it drinks holy water like a true sinner.

You sing it hymns until you confess,

Then let it snack on my flesh for dinner.

-Jackie

The cold grains of sand dance around your grave,

And I water the dead flowers, but there is nothing to save.

My blood boils in black and white, leaving me empty.

I reach for the trees, but the ground is more tempting.

Chilling whispers surround me when I close my eyes,

But there is no one to hear how hard I have tried.

The sharp grains of sand lie silent on the hill,

And I paint the dirt with tears as I lose all will.

-Jackie

Please fear me like a starless night,

Trip on my hexes like a runaway.

Do what you will with my golden light,

Kill it or burn it in your hideaway.

Please beg me to stay every dawn,

Slip on your words like on black ice.

Play me like a card or a diamond pawn,

Remember me as you fall from the highs.

-Jackie

The white roses are covered in the morning mist

As you walk out the door with red rage in your fists.

I don’t know where you’re going,

Don’t know if you’ll come back,

But my heartbeat is slowing,

Healing from your attacks.

Still, I smell the pale flowers as I watch you go,

With each step that you take I breathe in more vertigo.

I don’t know where you’re going,

Don’t know if you’ll come back.

Maybe I’m tired of knowing,

Maybe I’ve lost track.

-Jackie

Her parents told her she’ll never grow old and gray.

“That’s exactly what you get from going astray.”

She learned quickly that there’s a price to pay,

Even for the little things, like another damn day.

So, she prayed to the false god and all his apostles,

She begged for the unreachable, for the colossal.

The chaos became her home as she grew hostile,

The memories of easier times became just a fossil.

Yet, her mind was so sharp it broke blood oaths.

Her tongue danced on soft necks before cutting throats.

Soon she found friends in people the others loathe,

She found music in places no one sang odes.

Time passed, and her parents forgot that she existed,

They devoted themselves to raising her sister,

And she was grateful they did, she didn’t even miss it.

Every broken, warped part in her became untwisted.

-Jackie

They tell me I float through crowds like a muse,

They say I get them high on whatever I use.

But I am living in their fantasies, fading out,

Waiting for them to notice that I got too loud.

The dresses are getting dusty in my tiny closet,

My faux pride is my only safety deposit.

The phone keeps ringing when they get lonely,

Thinking they can fix it if they finally bore me.

They swear I am the one they have been chasing,

Still, their drinks taste like misery and light lacing.

After all the lavish nights, I have only myself.

The crowds smother me, they break my spell.

The pink glitter runs off me during cold showers,

It flees my face when I am crying for hours.

But no number of tears can break my chains,

So, I wait it out, I just wait out the pain.

-Jackie