Month: Nov 2021

Last Fall

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There are whispers under the floorboards if you listen closely.

You can ignore them or drown them out,

They will still give you no sleep.

You notice their eyes peeking out of cracks in the white ceiling,

They burn like charcoal in the dark,

They rob you of warm and fuzzy feelings.

You loved this house once, now you see grey faces in doorways.

Truth be told, you want to leave,

But the ghouls do not give you dog days.

Their lips press against the wallpaper as you close your eyes.

You can ignore them or drown them out,

Still, you are alone and paralyzed.

The fear hangs above your crooked neck like a rusty guillotine.

You avoid the darkest of corners,

Yet you can never ever flee this scene.

This house was your new beginning, it was your ticket out.

Too bad your sins got trapped in the walls

To become your only crowd.

We watch you pack your things, we let you walk these halls.

You are not leaving this place unscathed.

Be brave, this is your last fall.

-JW

Ice-Cold Killer

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I was too young when I met you, almost like in that song.

You called me a kid to my face, and all I knew was to play along.

The looks we sneakily exchanged blossomed into blue irises,

But they rotted before I fell and built you grand dream palaces.

At least that was what I thought, I was never good at predictions.

You held me like a burning match as you stated your convictions.

I laughed when I first heard them, I thought you were just joking.

The silence in that room served as the loudest of tokens.

When I returned home, I cried and swore to let you go,

But the seasons changed my mind as leaves hid under the snow.

We were left alone, and my grey dependency got saturated.

I saw us growing closer, we were electric and infatuated.

Maybe it was me growing older, but maybe I let you shred me.

You picked me up like a draft, tore me before you even read me.

We argued about bad movies and other childish inconveniences.

All this time you did not see me, even when I gave you my lenses.

Because I was too young when I met you, way too easy to drown,

And you called me an ice-cold killer when I was only a clown.

Just like in that song, you were looking at the picture upside down,

You were wrong all along, but I still feel heavy when I see you around.

-JW

A Stolen Thank-You Note

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We tend to erase our greatest shames,

We switch up the narratives until they are blank,

No addresses and no names.

And we play tug of war with destiny,

Frantically trying to climb the ranks,

Turning a blind eye to scarcity.

We are greedy without having skin in the game.

Dreaming about taking down banks,

Always finding someone else to blame.

While I admit all my shortfalls,

It is you I must thank,

You made me this frail and small.

Every day I must think of you, it is a burden.

You turned my ideas into your think tank,

And I did not matter if I was hurting.

While the others try to outsmart time,

You watch, sipping sauvignon blanc,

Bathing in stolen limelight.

And we tend to erase our greatest regrets,

But your slate has always been blank,

Free of unlucky bets,

Protected by a steady riverbank

Like a damn movie set.

-JW

Night Terrors

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Shiny bugs crawl under my white bedsheets each time I drift off to sleep,

They bite my thumbs and suck my blood, they scratch my aching feet.

Their wings buzz in cacophony when they circle my lifeless form.

I am surrounded by their haunting songs, I am trapped in a cage of orbs.

No, I cannot leave the dream unfinished, I cannot make myself wake up.

The bugs crawl up my chest and arms, their legs feel strange, so sharp and rough.

My thoughts twirl in-between the winds, begging for a middleman,

A single soul that could assist me with crossing these two burning lands.

But I end up trapped in this frozen silence, alone in my infested bed.

Bugs climb my hair like stairways, hissing like they have not been fed.

I cannot move, I cannot kill them, I watch them claiming my dark soul.

Their night terrors turn me into a pale illusion of someone whole.

-JW

Villain

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I had my friends over for a housewarming celebration,

Watched them dancing all night like we were on a vacation.

But your eyes stayed dark despite the golden sparks,

You sighed as we chaperoned them through the park.

And you said: “Everyone loves you, it must be so great,”

While you were scrubbing plates back at my new place.

Your thoughts raced like wild horses, knocking me over,

And this furious anger tapped lightly on my shoulder.

My mind counted excuses just to free you of this fantasy,

There is no currency less valuable than jealousy.

“I truly hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, love,

Nobody here signed up for your one woman show.”

You ran out of the room, I heard you putting on your coat.

I almost felt relieved you left me stranded on this boat.

And we both knew the reason, you told me last night.

My truth was a white flag, still it cut you open like a knife.

You told me it was fine, fighting back the boiling tears.

When he entered the room, you made sure I was near.

“What a bizarre little place, wouldn’t you agree?”

He smirked at your attempt to break my right knee.

And your eyes stayed cold all evening, freezing me numb.

Now you are back at his place, gossiping over rum.

You know it was not me, you know I am not your villain,

I am not yours to replace like an unpaid fill-in.

-JW

The Final Pariah

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My throat throws flames at the furious crowd

As you burn me at the stake like a witch.

You wear the royal jewels, you wear the crown,

They ignore that you are nothing but a snitch.

And I am your ticket out of persecution.

I hope my death will reunite your family.

The flame in your eyes was just an illusion,

I should not have bitten down that hungrily.

Still, no matter how hard you try to deny it,

I never run out of cheap tricks up my sleeve.

You might brand me as the final pariah.

You know I will linger, I will not leave.

So, I breathe in until my chest is overflowing,

Then spew the flames at the dry wood below.

They scream, but the heat is way too numbing.

I burn myself alive in the warm city glow.

-JW

Leaving Me

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I know I might collapse on the beige floor before this next chapter begins,

But there is no time to nurture my own humanity in these violent hills.

Last Friday I passed out in my bed, limp and filled with sharp anxiety pins.

They are asking me to take one day off, but I cannot bear staying still.

The rain slips down my face like the tears I never dared to cry out loud.

I know I am guilty of only showing my masks when I face the crowd.

The questions they throw at me resonate, they drown out my sound.

I would abandon this hopeless life, but my ego tells me I am not allowed.

-JW

Prayer

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You sit on my chest, breathing heavily,

Your words weigh more than a grand piano.

I tell you lies like “I missed you terribly”,

And my voice switches to a soprano.

You swing your legs from the edge of my ribs,

Digging your heels into my lung.

It must be true – you get what you give.

You are my death, and I met you too young.

But you just laugh, sounding like the devil.

No, I cannot stay mad at you.

I remember how I was once your rebel,

Now that memory feels like a worn-out shoe.

Yet here you are sitting on my chest,

Dragging me down like a rusty anchor.

I hope you know – I tried my damn best,

Despite the blasphemy and the slander.

-JW

Cheap Wish

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You didn’t have to drive your spines through my esophagus,

You didn’t have to build up your defenses.

You shouldn’t have insisted that you’re speaking for the both of us

As I was bleeding out on your white picket fence.

Still, you put me back down like a cheap T-shirt in the store

When you didn’t find a use for my gentle words.

You didn’t even have to pay a pretty penny for my soul.

Still, you just used me when you were bored,

Then you set me ablaze like a cheap wish on a New Year’s Day.

I filled the night sky along with the fireworks.

You told me how people like you, oh, they only play,

And my part in all of this was to keep up with your score.

But you didn’t have to scratch your nails on the back of my neck,

You didn’t have to paint me black and blue.

I guess you knew that when you called me a wreck,

I guess I was never enough to truly keep you.

-JW

Follow You

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The tall trees behind me breathe on my neck as I step out in the field.

Greyish clouds are playing hide and seek with the moon, acting as its shield.

My eyes get used to the darkness, the night bursts and flows into my irises.

The first raindrops slide down my back as I close my lids and dream of pyramids.

White lights flicker around me, they surround me like a cackle of hungry hyenas.

I taste the electric air with my lips, it wraps me in gentle foam like Venus.

A moment more and I will not feel the rain or the shadows standing behind me.

Just one more heartbeat and I will have the courage to follow you blindly.

-JW