Month: Nov 2021

One Eye Open

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Tonight, I cannot let myself fall asleep,

Cannot follow them when they drag me into the deep.

One eye open, one eye rolled back.

I lie on my bed with a knife behind my back.

The ceiling is black like a starless night,

And I am counting breaths before the end of this fight.

One eye open, one eye on the door.

This is not my first war, they have been keeping score.

There is always more than just this darkness.

My heart is obscure, but it is praying to the fathers.

One eye open, one eye looking at them,

Snarling, shaking, hot drool sparkling like gems.

No, I cannot follow them, I must stay,

Must keep their sharp nails and claws away.

One eye open, one eye unfazed.

As they reach for my neck, sunrays hit my face.

Saved.

-JW

Magnified

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How loud do I have to scream for you to stop insinuating

That I am not simulating,

Manipulating or overstimulating?

I am not wrapping your reality in dark veils,

Falling on safety nets when all else fails,

I am just screaming for help.

But you say I draw attention to myself,

You choose to keep your emotions on a glass shelf.

And deep down I get it,

I am glad that I do not have to live it.

Must be lonely watching people through a magnifying glass,

Judging their class

While lounging in an ivory tower.

Must be hard to find it was a looking glass all along,

And your words were just crass,

They were wrong.

So, how loud do I have to be to make you see?

Until they dig a hole in the grass,

All my broken pieces will keep cutting open your legacy.

Your brokenness will be a part of me.

-JW

Everlasting

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And maybe this will not pass,

And maybe we must make our peace with that.

If the darkness carries us down the stream,

Let it,

Let it all be.

Just know that maybe it will not pass,

And they will say “sorry” and other words that do not last.

We are meant to be bruised,

Miss the things that we lose,

Walking down empty avenues.

And maybe this will never pass,

Maybe the present is glued to the past.

I count down the days,

Wishing this is not my last,

Hoping I can find the way,

But the time –

It is slipping through my fingers a little too fast.

-JW

Killing

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Her locks held sweet cherry scent,

And I held her like a breath.

Those moments were heaven-sent,

But I wreaked the clouds,

I failed her tests,

Still hoping she would be proud.

It was not the same, it never is.

Her screams and my shouts,

From lovers to enemies.

The watchers gathered in crowds

As I returned her jewelry,

Then took up a new route,

Knowing I am killing my destiny.

-JW

Ready For The Cliffs

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I am waiting for them to call me out,

Pull off my disguises,

Sabotage my every route.

All they do is stop speaking as the moon rises,

And I escape into the sunset,

Shrinking a few sizes.

It is almost like they do not see it,

My faux confidence and its lure,

And all the blades beneath it.

There is no science behind this, no cure,

So, I run away with the winds,

Headed towards the shore,

Ready for the cliffs to kill my sins.

-JW

Some Winters Never Pass

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My time froze around you, blessing your mind to stay forever young,

It encapsulated every second your name got caught up in my lungs.

I still look back with the hopefulness I had the day we first met,

Before the words rolling off your tongue sounded like cruel threats.

The tears I spilled fell on the ground and fell apart like dominoes,

A chain reaction caused by your heavy guilt growing comatose.

But I keep your icy gaze in a wooden frame by my kitchen door,

I think about all the roads I did not take because I had you to adore.

My time froze around you, killing everything that once kept me warm.

No matter how hard I tried to build a fire, I did not brave the storm.

I am still hopeful, I know one day the sun will smile upon my tears,

But for now, they form icicles so smooth they reflect all my greatest fears.

-JW

Foreshadowing

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My loneliness was climbing the walls, threatening to break open the white ceiling,

Then you flew in through the window and set yourself ablaze like a fleeting feeling.

You knocked over the scented candles and wrapped yourself in the dusty curtains.

“All that has happened and lived through us will never again lie before us.”

My consciousness tripped over itself, it snuck under the bed like a frightened spider.

You spread the fire everywhere and it dripped poison, deadlier than that of a viper.

I dance the waltz of terror, looking for an escape, a single hope in this mayhem,

But my left eye gave out under the pressure, the blood was lost, all hope was faded.

There was no way out of that flaming hell, I could only choose to walk right through.

The faces of everyone I had ever met flew past me, except the one, except you.

So, I laid my wounded body on the floor as the room around me became amorphous.

“All that has happened and lived through us will never again lie before us.”

-JW

Graveyard Like Glass

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The tall grass lightly brushes against my bare ankles

As I walk the graveyard like glass,

Careful not to tip over the white candles.

Your soul stumbles behind me like a lost tourist,

It growls and it mumbles,

And you get lost in the first spring mist.

This is a celebration, yes, this is a true love story.

I might have lost my patience,

The lipstick stains might have turned gory,

But I promise that I can barely feel those bruises.

Do not call St. Thomas,

Do not ask around about the nooses.

We were once so promising, so mesmerizing –

Until you tasted your own medicine

And the bitterness was terrifying.

You threw our lives away, but I tried to retrieve them.

I looked night and day,

Not knowing you were no longer a believer.

Now the tall grass cuts open my pale and freezing feet

As I walk the graveyard like glass,

Careful not to step into the defeat.

No, this cannot be over, just keep following me,

Hold onto my shoulder,

Let me push aside all the debris.

This is a celebration, yes, this is what we needed,

Love without any hesitation,

Trapping the hunger to feed it.

Walk the graveyard like glass, do not fall or break.

Let’s skip the mass,

Let’s swim to the middle of the lake

And put an end to what you so heedlessly started,

Saying I have gone around the bend,

Saying I was coldhearted.

-JW

Let Them Have Their Laughs

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You always knew how to make me tick, you were a machine taking me back in time.

You swore me to secrecy in dark alleys, then covered yourself up like a gory crime.

You spoke at them with the roaring conviction of someone who has not been doing fine.

Despite my reality collapsing like an ivory tower, I still stayed loyally by your right side.

I put my hair up before I left the apartment to defend you and your barely scraped knees,

I walked the roads of shame with your name on my sleeve, carrying it like a past due fee.

I did not know the dry skeletons in your closet have not known one moment of peace.

Despite all their sticks and stones breaking my limbs, I held onto you like Achilles.

They watched as I spilled blood and guts over the pavement, they rolled their eyes.

They knew I was just another one of your toys, lost in love, completely hypnotized.

They let me fight off your nemesis, they did not even try to cut your ropes and ties.

Despite knowing that, I let them have their laughs, just like the last couple hundred times.

-JW

Always Sunny

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I walked you home every day for over a year,

Wishing I did not have to carry your fear.

And you never followed, not even near.

Still, you blushed when I called you “dear”.

Now you live two streets away from me,

And I walk by your house occasionally.

Maybe I am just checking in to see

Whether you can hear my guilty pleas.

My lips taste like blood on your street,

The love still stains my snow-white sheets.

Our memories, they tend to fleet.

You are the worst of my defeats.

I wonder what we could have been

If we were not filled to the brim.

I promise, caring is not a sin,

It is not a fight that you must always win.

Now you drive by my house on Sundays,

Memories biting you like fresh honey.

We used to hide from rain in cafés,

Now your life is always sunny.

-JW