You watched me falling over the edge,
You watched me disappearing into the dark.
My heart hardened as I crossed the ridge.
Don’t reach out your hands, don’t wait for a spark.
I landed on a lonely rugged surface.
I painted my lavender sky with charcoal and soot.
Your aluminum chains gave me hospice,
But don’t sentence me to another year of rot.
-JW
The early autumn air showers me with its seamless elegance.
My palms are in your coat pockets
As my words lose their relevance.
The first leaves are turning yellow, just like when we first met.
I wonder if you remember,
I hope that you cannot forget.
Sometimes I look into your eyes and feel this wave of sonder.
You have been holding on,
But we do not get any younger.
And the early autumn air turns into frost on our worst nights.
I promised to carry the cross,
I swore I would lose the fights.
The last leaves are falling down my neck as I lie in wait.
My palms crumble a letter.
We both know it is too late.
-JW
The fragility of my fists plays with my own immortality.
My spinning head survives on promised immoralities,
And if I keep up the pace, I will persevere, I will push through.
My tongue is made of fire, my will is made of glue.
No, I do not let ignorant men block my paths.
I am seeking a destiny that outruns reason and fact.
If my feet could keep up, they would take me to the place.
But no one sees it, they offer me to leave with grace.
Still, I have no grace, only sharp corners made of iron.
My lips are light-years ahead when it comes to firing.
I shoot everyone who does not keep the final pledge
While not noticing that I am headed towards the ledge.
-JW
Do you know what my nothingness tastes like?
It pushes my head under water until it is ripe.
The empty feeling cuts off my hair with scissors,
It pulls on my sleeve until I see vivid visions.
Some gray creatures climb in my fragile chest.
The static goes cold, and I leave out all the rest.
Bright red snowflakes land on my lucid irises,
They drip scarlet into my dearest promises.
Can you imagine what my nothingness tastes like?
I keep drowning as they tell me it is alright.
But the complete abandonment never sinks in.
It is my curse, treating my sanity like a sin.
-JW
There’s always at least one storm brewing in the distance, and I keep it that way.
Trouble seems to find me too easily, so I only wish for just one more day.
But unless I see the dark clouds forming by the horizon, I cannot go on.
The horror is like music to my ears, and I cannot help but sing the song.
They call me a masochist when it comes to proving everyone else wrong.
I see the correlation and I don’t fight it; I’ve nurtured it all summer long.
The shadow creature within my chest keeps feeding on uncertainties.
It never controls me, no, it only gets fed when I do as I please.
When it comes to self-sabotage, I’ve never met anyone quite like me.
I’m the perfect tirage – they taste the wine, then destroy my psyche.
There’s a storm in the distance, there always is, and they say I cause it.
Trouble seeks me out in the darkest of places, takes my guilt as a deposit.
-JW
My axis spins around me whenever I drift away in my own thoughts.
The desire for life mixes with the last echoes of death,
And I forgive all the insecurities I once fought.
The sky stays still, it makes everything look easy, almost seamless.
I dream about my childhood, but nothing seems right,
Almost like I have always been Satan’s mistress.
The voices in my head make me scream from the steepest hillside.
All the energy I lose on petty things always comes back,
It burns alive in my chest, it stays inside.
And the pain doubles in size whenever someone dismisses my cries.
My axis obediently bends to the rising ocean waves,
And I forgive all of you who never apologized.
-JW
I used to know how quickly your eyes turned black when you spoke with your sins.
It was an honest battle until the very end,
Until you let them perish you and win.
I followed you down a hundred hidden rabbit holes to hold onto that last spell.
My intentions were wicked, I must admit,
But I did not lie when I promised to raise hell.
When you laughed, I smiled brighter than a scorching sun on Midsummer’s Day.
We buried each other in gilded affection,
We wrote our names in red clay.
I used to know that you are the good one, the one to return my long stolen peace.
It was an honest battle until the very end,
Until you put me back on my knees.
-JW
The parts I hide sting me with the fury of a forgotten flame.
I’ve been changing my paths while you’ve been looking away.
My soul has been leaking fumes out of the wooden frame.
But the cold metal bites my bones, honey, I know I must pray.
You promised I’d pay for all the storms I rained over you.
Leaving you seems like walking on sunshine, why would I care?
No, you don’t have the right to claim that you feel blue.
I carried your grey remains for years, I’m used to the stares.
The sun is unforgiving, it’s still not as ferocious as I can be.
I cover my truth in disguises while you sing yourself to sleep.
And I’m thinking about leaving, not sure if I can be free.
Maybe it’s just between me and you,
Maybe I can fix this by dragging you into the deep.
-JW
The lingering ghosts from my past are so faded,
I can barely prove they were ever really here.
The same goes for me and the lives I’ve traded.
Some say they only see me when I disappear.
But don’t you underestimate my caution,
The flame in my lungs hides an honest scream.
They told you I can never stop being in motion.
They didn’t tell you that I’m stuck in a dream.
This loop is a cruel beast, this loop is endless,
But I still follow it, hoping to escape the ghouls.
Their cloaks make me too weak and defenseless.
It’s killing me but there’s no goddamn proof.
-JW
Someday the work will pay off the scars it came with.
I will still swallow it like a bitter pill,
Looking for another blameless culprit.
The whispers use my sadness as an overplayed decoy.
But the veins in my neck run with madness,
And I know I deserve joy.
So, once in a while I dip my fingers into the light.
My essence screams in agony.
At least it gets me through the night.
I know this wild river was not meant to be mine,
It was determined before my time,
But lately I have been wondering why.
And perhaps there is life outside of this concrete.
Maybe the scars can heal just fine?
Maybe I must leave the main street?
Yet, my past selves have to eat, and I stay focused.
God, I swear on my life –
This routine feels like walking on roses.
They admire the beauty but never feel my pain.
I still fear that the path I am paving
Will be washed away by the rain.
-JW
The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright 