Part III: A Memory

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Always a cliffhanger, another drop of anxious energy in an ocean.

Misdirected anger, passive aggressive comments mixed in the stress potion

And mismanaged days with rights turned sour and disgustingly wrong.

Did I hear you correctly, is my compliance coming off too strong?

Misdemeanours, ironic chuckles, severed ties with reality and truth.

I float in this dirty water because I choose to keep my eyes on you.

But you’ve been swallowed by the cloudy liquids and I’m curious –

Why do I choose to stay knee-deep in the mud, burnt-out and furious?

-JW

Growing Pains

Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

I keep picking apart every challenging moment I’ve felt

And I turn it into another foolish misdeed on the shelf.

A sinner, a torturer, a victim of my own darkness, a fraud.

I refuse to call myself anything less than somebody flawed.

But I want to grow up, I just don’t need to grow old today.

The harder I try to play it safe, the harder my parents pray.

I’m not a bad person, I’m only the worst with myself.

Can you even see how hard I’m trying to reach out for help?

Yet – my ego’s rotten and I’d rather make it tragic.

My brain’s a one way road to sadness, you can call it magic yet ratchet.

-JW

Travelling Show

Photo by Scott Webb from Pexels

Quite tragic what happened when I dropped you and left.

I turned away dramatically while holding your spine

Like a cigarette.

At least that’s what you’re telling them, that’s how I know

That when I left, you made me into an amusement park,

Into a travelling show.

Not a circus, just a bare stage and bad storytelling.

I can tell you lie because your tongue is sour from spite

And it’s rapidly swelling.

It hurts to re-run the memories, to think about how I quit.

You were extremely vile but I wasn’t scared – so go,

Take away your friendship that’s counterfeit.

-JW

If I Would Have Fallen

Photo by Lisa Fotios

Another day spent in rose tinted blackout glasses, not seeing the stars.

Raspberry and lime kisses land on my neck, too bad no one’s noticing the scars.

My palms are trembling as neon sky lands over the city, so sweet and so sticky.

The marks on my shoulders are pulsating at sunset. They’re bruises, not hickeys.

Every breath I take rubs you up the wrong way – and you won’t stay neutral.

I’m slowly turning into you though, but I guess the experience is not mutual…

People I knew continue to talk like they enjoy sticking in my craw. Such amateurs.

When new dawn arrives, my conscience is on its knees. The rest is a blur. Or a slur.

With every word you speak I learn one new reason to step away from the car crash

But suddenly your grip feels too fond so I hold on, tie a bow around it and add to the stash

Of things that I should’ve burned to completion when I noticed the tenseness.

Yet – here I am, standing by your window at 3am, without any control, defenseless.

I wish it was different. That kisses didn’t hurt

And words didn’t line up to sound this absurd.

I wish I was angrier. That my bites were sharper,

So abrupt you’d never try me. You’d scarper.

-JW