Do you think I regret what I’ve grown into?
Do you think I’ve cried over the graves
That I’ve led to?
But do you think I forget where I come from?
Do you think I’ve kneeled in a mass
For thee I never outrun?
You’re disgusted but jealous at the same time,
You’d buy a life like mine
For a Judas dime.
And a cross or holy water won’t really do,
A burning sensation won’t either.
Oh, I pity you.
-JW
The game seems too easy,
It can’t be this simple.
You show him you charms,
Cover desires with a wimple.
The game is too wicked,
It can’t be this haunted.
You smile while he begs
But you’re what he wanted.
The game feels too gentle,
It can’t be this touchy.
You wrap him up tight,
Still they brand you too raunchy.
The game tastes too sour,
It can’t be this addicting.
You keep equating your high
With the lungs you’re restricting.
The game feels like a fraud,
It can’t be this corrupt.
Or could it be and I’m lucky?
If so, I beg you not to act shocked.
-JW
No recollection of what I’ve done last evening,
Not a clue.
My chest is pounding,
Mind panicking and grieving.
I can’t remember the last person I spoke to.
It can’t be.
Even it was you
How could I take the blame for two?
My nails broken from fights I didn’t really choose.
Don’t argue.
My brain’s a mess,
It aches and oozes like a bruise.
Fatigue, restlessness, dry mouth and no memory.
Blood-stained walls.
I sit up and scream.
Then my consciousness takes off, I’m fast asleep.
-JW
There’s a story underneath the soft black coat he’s wearing.
There’s a poorly written “sorry” too,
Look quick, the doubt is nearing.
There’s guilt in his cologne but I’m too bewitched,
Can’t look away while he’s downing the drinks,
Planning to gloat and grow rich.
There’s denial behind the green eyes, he’s so distant.
I would feel pity but my heart’s asleep,
Empathy’s non-existent.
There’s electricity all around as I approach his table.
It’s like he’s been waiting for someone to come,
To make his feet unstable.
And there’s a dry gurgle in his throat as he falls asleep.
One more cut and we’re done with it.
Look quick, the thrills are cheap.
-JW
The iron gates I’ve seen for years turn rose gold.
Dusty streets burn in vivid neon, brutal and bold.
My escape attempts seem more like cries for assistance
Because when I look back, no one tried to give me distance.
The waters surrounding the scene look more frightening.
Calming the world outside is like catching lightning.
And maybe I’ll be able to live with my own reflection
Once the old kings start dying in rapid succession?
With the one I wanted by my side, I’ll take the gamble.
Maybe it’s this city making me dull, making me shamble.
But maybe I’m deciding to live with my pain on display?
I bid my soul to the devil to relieve me of the foul play.
-JW
You’re there all of a sudden and I freeze –
Is this another daydream of mine?
Are you too real to shake the disease?
Blue shirt and vaporized sweat.
I know I can’t close my eyes
Because each promise is also a threat.
I’d rather break watching you leave
Than fall apart days later
Melting my kneeling heart into steel.
Satin skin next to my cold feet
I can’t make myself look away
So I watch you go, accepting defeat.
Burgundy boots, red broken dreams.
Take it for what it is, take it.
The bigger the wound, the faster it heals.
And you’re gone with the first autumn winds.
I can’t remember if any of it happened
But I can tell it was real.
My chest still bleeds red and it tints.
-JW
The weight of the stares towering over my body is crushing all hope within.
The clock on the wall is wearing me down, bruising my patience paper-thin.
As the loneliness sets into my muscles, my lids are opened by a sound.
I stare into the darkness of the room. I let out a sigh and let my heart pound.
I see him there, serious as ever, empty pockets and expensive shoes.
For a second the mask slips and he grins, on his chin a pale round bruise.
One step in my direction, then two, now we’re only moments apart.
I blink and he’s gone, the weight is pulling me down with all force…
But it’s alright, we’re no longer back at the start.
-JW
We saw each other after months of mourning and poorly hidden pain.
It was never the same but it tasted even better out there in the rain.
You’re the addiction I can’t get over, and I’m making you obsessed.
Perhaps this path we’re going down is only a way we confess?
I don’t mind being honest around you but the parties involved don’t agree.
The distress I hid to make them like you is a treason in first degree.
And I still want you so tear me apart with all the dull insults and fear.
They reach for me and they beg me to stop,
But I don’t hear when you’re near.
-JW
The door is too far for me to reach.
“Please come and save me,
Please, baby, preach.”
The bed is too warm, it burns like hell.
The head is so heavy,
It’s empty as well.
And I want to crumble in your arms
But the verdict’s in –
You can only do harm.
My left shoulder’s numb under the weight.
… So I can’t move on.
I have to lie in wait.
My eyes watch the time slowly pass.
I imagine you next to me,
Barefoot on grass.
But the door is too far for me to reach.
“Please come and save me,
Please, baby, preach.”
-JW
Flying down a flight of stairs towards an icy concrete floor.
The author of this storyline feeds on my screams, she wants to hear more.
I break through chalices and chandeliers, the sharp corners leave a mark.
“Honey, watch out for the twists, you might get bitten and it might get dark.”
I’m getting thrown through an open window, tearing up blue curtains.
The pen on the paper trembles. She’s willing to wing it but is she certain?
A dark figure approaches the horizon, handsome and charmingly mean.
“Be still, my heart, be still,” I whisper.
He’s the most beautiful I’ve ever seen.
-JW
The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright 