I was never able to love the beast inside of me
So I fell for the monster in you.
Who knew – that the death of me
Will be as sweet as honey and stick like glue.
And it will suffocate me like the town I outgrew.
But the current carries my bones to the sea
While I’m clenching the shell you drew.
Pull the curtain back once you count to three.
Pretend you never knew.
-JW
It’s OK, break the last hope in me and don’t hesitate.
Don’t you feel sorry for trying so hard to emulate?
It won’t be simple to live with this heart and this desire
But for five years in a row you have asked for it,
You’re the one to aspire.
It’s alright, take my friends and borrow my trophies.
Turn my beliefs into blow or cheap misanthropies.
If you ask one day – why does life hurt all of a sudden?
Don’t be afraid, put my body in dirt, sink it in a puddle.
It won’t help your struggle
But…
It’s fine, peel my skin off and read my diaries through.
My unexpected exit isn’t the reason I’m feeling so blue.
The crowds are wearing my liveliness over their shoulders,
Expecting to gain the power of a hundred soulful soldiers.
That’s what’s shaking my coffin, making me older
But what’s living without a little after-life odor?
One day we’ll mold the ones that were always the scolders.
-JW
Oh, how I loved you… You must admit
There wasn’t place for anyone else to enter.
We never called it quits
But you mocked me as a mind bender
So I hid and covered my fits.
Oh, how lucky I am to see you go down,
And for all you’ve done, I’m not surprised.
Hope this makes your mommy proud.
Hope I’m the Trojan horse, well disguised.
Your agony is my prize.
Oh, how glad I was about it being over.
Your friends talked loud but I didn’t listen.
It was always my doing, giving you a cold shoulder?!
Hope your next mistress – she christens,
Because the bravery in you so often bristles.
Oh, how bitter my existence must taste.
You’ve been played, and I’m clearly the face.
I wanted to forget but now it’s all waste –
The times you screwed me over… No trace.
Remember – you called me ‘out of place’?
(Never challenge a hellhound to a puppy race.)
-JW
I’m also refusing your lesson and vivid banner calling me to safety.
No harm done, take it easy, but how do you cope with days so hazy?
Don’t be fooled, no one should come down the path I’m pawing
But of all the souls out there, mine is the least deserving of saving.
When your reputation has nowhere higher to go, please take a seat.
You can’t carry the pain of someone crushed by the fangs of defeat,
You can’t ask a kid to outrun the future that’s barely promised
And I’m not being pessimistic, I’m just asking for you to be honest.
When there’s nothing to teach, how can you reach for the ceiling?
When the world is crumbling in full force, how is it healing –
To mention that there are better days ahead,
And our way is for the dead…
Is it really true that graveyards call us only when the neon needs to be fed?
I don’t think so, however, there is a revolution of hope to be lead.
Let’s promise ourselves another day at a time, despite all that’s been said.
For the pursuit of true empathy, I will be willing to lay my head.
-JW
And I think you regret everything after all, don’t you, darling?
Who am I to guess your regrets after you came at me, snarling…
But the feeling was deeper than shame I exuded at the moment.
The warmth was taken aback the second true words were spoken.
I often dream about you having nightmares where I am the lead,
We’re talking loud, you’re being mean, yet – you can’t compete.
All your arguments crash against the surface of your shallow grave.
Who would’ve guessed? The most prideful of primates will go
Still lacking the skill to behave.
Don’t blame me – I didn’t have the time to dig you that ditch.
How many times in the past two years you called me a bitch?
Who can count? Certainly, not you, denial is the key to winning.
So today let’s cheers to the odds of you ever touching me again
Critically thinning.
-JW
The arcades across the street are tempting my senses.
You are holding my hand, asking not to leave,
Counting expenses.
Casinos all across the strip losing power at your sight.
There and then I drop the cigarette and know –
This is a holy rite.
Balancing the sadness and joy between coins dropping.
Burned out fiction worlds crumbling around me,
Expectations flopping.
My best bet is still you but the dices keep rolling.
Flush is not good enough and I know I’m done,
Even without polling.
Sometimes an overheard victory is a lose-lose game.
I kick open the door and sigh.
Took all the riches home tonight but – why?
All that remains is the absence of you and shame.
-JW
Stuck in a bit of a hollow place lately,
Stuck in a loop, deluding everyone sedately.
Trying to fit accordingly on every surface.
The bending and breaking is making me nervous.
Trust me, I’m trying, I’m reaching for the sun.
Trust me when I say – my hand is a loaded gun.
Let me climb the barriers on my own,
Let me use resilience that I have loaned…
Don’t wait up when the floor creaks in my room.
Don’t worry about it, ignore the impending doom.
I promise to keep on stretching for the light,
I promise to crawl, even if I get scared of the height.
Keep my silence as a memory of the days I screamed
I guess my need to become timeless wasn’t what it seemed.
-JW
A lot of undeserved luck comes out of this moment,
And I don’t nurture the fear, I choke the opponent.
I’m too aggressive, they say, a real big sounder,
But really, I might go mute if I go a little louder.
Out of Seattle the mountain lions are sound asleep.
In this short sleeve weather I’m singing to “Creep”.
The orange skyline spilling wet honey on my nose.
Being myself is still the most dangerous dose.
The boots sink into the dusty ground, creating smoke,
Contemplating this weird existence, sipping coke,
Riding the blackest ideas out, smoking them like velvet…
You know?
Once the blade falls down, I won’t wear a helmet.
-JW
Staying safe in between the busy railroads,
Running trains brushing off painted antidotes.
The trees lean on my clavicle, cracking it in,
And feeling good seems to be the original sin.
Leaves shaking my ribcage with seven winds,
Heart chambers made out of empty cans and tins.
Roots graying out but I’m standing my ground.
Seeing the three lights approaching
Kicks my recklessness, so new-found.
-JW
“Can you tell me where it hurts and point me to the nearest exit?”
“Resilience is overrated in the promise land of Jokers who flex it
And your bruises are due already, pay up or leave the city.”
“Why bother leading the path if you could just look pretty?”
…
“Stand up and straighten your shoulders, baby, don’t be moody,
You’re not the next Marilyn in a black and white movie.”
“What’s up with the lipstick, don’t you want to go brighter?”
“I’m down for the fright but I’m not a real fighter.”
…
“Put a smile on that face, don’t you dare to make a scene!”
”You can only afford to be either sexy or perfectly lean.”
“What’s up with the jumpers, mate, are you finally expecting?”
“Please don’t drink and drive while you’re also texting.”
I hope you don’t find me writing down your innuendos vexing.
(Stop playing god, your moral’s perplexing.)
-JW
The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright 