Status And Other Vices

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It always starts with one too many in candle-lit boudoirs.

His friends call him pleasant but they don’t know

What he does in the dark.

There’s always someone just right, someone too easy

So he judges everyone’s vices with vivid lust, thinking:

“I hope that she sees me.”

His shirt is fitted almost far too well, do you even care?

He looks down on those who don’t see his status,

He hates those who stare.

It usually ends with him smiling ever so faintly in the mirror.

The bathroom stinks, the sink is stained.

Nobody’s there when lights grow dimmer.

-JW

November

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You took my secrets against my best wishes,

You took them down the drain with you

Mixing my soul with dirty dishes.

I tied up the red flags, collected them all –

What a lovely sight, isn’t it?

Watching them finally fall.

You made a joke out of my darkest times

But I could never joke about you

Or your petty crimes.

And I tried torturing you the same but you yelled,

You claimed that you’re in pain

When it was my neck you held.

The cigarette smoke dissolves over your pity

As you take one last cynical look

At me leaving this sunken city.

-JW

August

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Your breath smells like salty sea, your skin – like cotton candy.

I took another lover before you cried over your first brandy.

A glass of liquor won’t seal the envelope filled with poor choices

And magic tingles my bones when you think you know

Where your voice is.

Your nose is filled with dust, your hair – entangled with seaweed.

I loved another man before you managed a single misdeed.

But that’s what you’re good at, being an act that no one defies,

Yet – we weren’t even done with our first kiss that night

When I wrote our goodbyes.

Your chin is split wide open, your ears are bleeding in waves.

I’m only imagining what it would feel to re-dig my graves.

But I hope that you’re sleeping tight and not overthinking.

Almost eight years have passed and I still can’t face it

Without crashing and sinking.

-JW

June

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In the palest spring sunsets you made into your own.

I was slowly shifting, accepting your debts and loans.

The faster time passed us, the more I trembled.

The weakness I felt took me back to the dark,

To the last December.

You told me I’m the one, yet – I was never someone,

Like an accessory you flashed me back at the sun.

Memory is a fragile thing, it gets lost and misguided.

Your screams became dents in my tender skull

But I tried to hide it.

And the summer came, sun still set over the sea

Where I promised I’d stay if you weren’t hurting me.

The time slowed down, it left my mind rushing.

It ran faster than my tears on the silver screen.

As I watched the sun rusting.

-JW

December

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Nothing but snow and cigarette smoke as far as I can see.

Ice crunching under the weight of my feet trying to flee.

My gloves dirty, covered in ash and low-end mascara tears.

Nothing but the snow, nothing but a hope way too sheer.

The trees growl under the weight of the wind, I stand back.

It shakes the scenery, it crumbles and covers the tracks.

The cold pinches my nose but I’m far too gone to feel it,

There’s a beast inside of my throat, it guides my feelings.

Grey clouds peak through the branches, they hide the sun.

My mouth burns in flames bright yellow, my skin’s overdone.

I see flowers peeking through the moss, touching my shoes –

My body collapses in the wintery fields, it can’t take the abuse.

-JW

Part II: The night of the heist

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We’re hanging out of the eleventh storey window,

Spine tingling from adrenaline and impostor syndrome.

Our legs are heavy but our thighs aren’t shy.

We’re getting drunk on all the things that money can’t buy.

And the seventh heaven seems near when you’re here,

When you’re wrapping around me, I become a seer.

There’s glass on the floor but we’re careful while walking.

No deep feelings, no talk of romance, no naïve falling.

I disguise what’s left of my confidence as a joke

But you climb right over the fiction.

We’re so blissful yet broke.

“It’s the night of the heist, baby, don’t you worry one bit,

Tomorrow we’re gonna burn each stained seat where they sit.”

-JW

The Second Skin

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The one is gone and it’s off to the races, I keep on racing,

I bow my head, I contradict and lie about the fear I’m facing.

A tall stranger smiles at me, then another one, and another…

I drift away on my selfishness, mistaking enemies with lovers.

But I share the bed with my demons despite all the warning signs.

The clock in my room has stopped, none of this time is mine.

A blood stained light in me tries to break out, it’s brighter each night.

Once I stop fighting, it’ll blur my vision just enough

So I can’t tell wrong from right.

-JW

Hexes

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What are you thinking, why are you turning into someone I can rely on?

And why are you coming closer when I still have the past on replay

Without a shoulder to cry on?

Not sure how it started but I’m re-reading yesterdays’ words all morning.

This one time you called me enchanting and I wondered

Whether it meant that you’re falling.

Am I growing into a person I once despised because I’m out of options?

Will I push you away, far behind the swinging plywood walls,

Or will I pretend to be less noxious?

So what do you have in store for me, why should I follow?

Before the night fades into mush,

You’re taking my mind down a crisp, cold hollow.

And I don’t know the way back, I don’t see an easy exit.

The way you take me down the path seems steady.

I wish for the strength not to hex it.

-JW

Insomniac

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I count to ten before letting the medusa hair out of the hat,

Before turning my back, before turning this white rabbit

Into a sickly rat.

I check my own pulse and clear my throat before biting,

Before swallowing the ink and flirting with the end.

Dusk makes this scene exciting.

I imagine a stadium of people before continuing this dance,

Before jumping in front of a fast moving thought and combusting

Into bones and fangs.

I bow before the cheering crowds start pointing sticks,

Before the insomnia once again settles in, drowns me out,

Tells me it’s something that I can’t fix.

-JW

Deleted

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I never felt safe while falling for you,

The fumes kept poisoning my lungs.

But I’ve found safety in your love

While the rest of the world

Is speaking in tongues.

I never felt cherished being by your side.

The darkness you cast broke me down –

Yet I felt lonely without your devotion

So I dropped my sword

And picked up your crown.

I never counted to seven before jumping

But I stepped on the ledge, eyes shut.

We’ve found something bigger than a moment.

Let me kneel on the ledge,

Let me delete all the rut.

-JW