Osmium Head

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The tiredness pulls my lead limbs towards the ground,

Like a form of gravity that’s unspoken, yet unfound.

The strings that tie my will together weaken each day

And I hope they don’t snap but it’s too late to pray.

I chase down the healers, I seek out the warlocks –

They treat my burning tears like a poison hemlock.

I look for old scrolls in the most secret of folders,

The coldness in my spine slides up to the shoulders

As I turn the last page and there’s nothing to save me.

My osmium head keeps sinking faster in this dark sea.

The mirror image trembles, each night it grows fainter,

My body is the canvas and the heaviness – its painter.

-JW

The Showman

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I guess I’ll just burn in my own mind’s oven

Or throw out my resume and build a new coven.

The thirteen of us will meet in the fields

Where strong people rise and weak men yield.

I guess you’ll just watch me take back what’s mine,

Not a word will object this, only deep sighs.

Once the flames start climbing high over our heads,

I’ll give you a minute to make the amends.

But I guess we’re just never going to fix it,

Go drink all the betrayal, you’re the one who mixed it.

This one time I won’t burn for your petty pledges,

Pick up the shreds, don’t cut the claws on the edges.

And I guess I’ll just stand as the rest of them bow,

You said it’s not the right moment – but the time is now.

It’s your time to take the heat as an atonement,

And you can keep calling me a dirty witch but, honey,

Soon they’ll see you’re only a showman.

-JW

December 18th, 2020

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Can’t help but wonder again – how many more

Pounds of flesh do I have to give away for free

To meet the norm?

And there’s nothing normal about this –

Shattering at 6 AM on a Monday morning,

Closing in on the dark abyss.

The pressure gets heavier each afternoon

So I stay inside to pity myself,

To curse at the moon.

But it reflects my chants like sunrays –

And there’s no way it ever gets better

If I stay.

There’s no way this story has a good ending

If all I grow to know

Is silence and pretending.

When my lips are shut, they grow stronger

On the power I gathered myself –

Until I can’t go on much longer.

Can I even go on from here, can I move?

Their tentacles strangle me

But what do I have to prove?

So I swallow the bitterness and resign the “sorry”s.

I don’t need a tougher skin,

I need to extract myself from your stories.

You can tell your greedy mirror image

To bear one more storm.

My part in this narrative is finished,

Recall your swarm.

-JW

Sister Moon

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I pave the pale moonlight with my lightest shoes,

Bruises on my neck as if you needed more proof

That where I come from is a land of temptation

But it has nothing to do with my destination.

The chimneys cry charcoal mascara tears,

Smeared across their cheeks by well-meaning peers.

The dusty air holds the start of another story

I’ll make up while these empty roads bore me.

And the dark parts of my mind sting like darts,

Hard to point them away from the wounded parts.

My joints tell me to look back once more

But I know I’ll get enchanted by all the gore.

I just pave the night, I keep braving the night

As sister moon mirrors rays so I stay in light.

Once the sun sweats over the evergreen trees,

The lures behind my back wail like banshees.

-JW

Their Silence Stayed Behind

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Sometimes I feel like screaming is not enough,

Their backs turned against us,

Their words vile and rough.

And my heart breaks, it breaks time and again

About their ignorance

Drowned in stale champagne.

I could recollect all the stories one more time

If it meant anything more

Than the sound of chimes.

But the wind is passing through the town today

And I must follow the road

To chase what I crave.

To those staying back, watching me pack up –

Remember my face

When the times got rough.

I burned my feet for them and never gave in.

So call my absence a save,

Don’t call it a sin.

Because no one’s gonna pull me out of the fire,

I have to do it on my own,

Have to walk the spire.

Even if you think it’s not what you’d desire,

The faith will tie us together again

Just like haywire.

-JW

Light Me Up

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And sometimes your love leaves only a faint spark.

Nobody ever follows you into the dark.

Parting the seven seas seems like a distant memory,

An over-dreamt future we once treated like a legacy.

And your boots get more tired than you ever do

When they call you out for feeling black and blue.

What else there is to say than “light me up”,

Burn your life’s belongings in a rusty iron cup.

But let them eat your feelings with killing knives

Until they’re drenched in revenge, fully satisfied.

Because sometimes love burns in crimson heresy –

So beware the wicked selling you your own legacy.

Let that darkness out the chimneys, let it go up,

Throw the sparks in the air until laughter erupts.

-JW

For Too Many Eternities To Count

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The little rainclouds are growing into a thunderstorm.

Right under the place we last fell apart

The ground is burning, nice and warm.

No one knows the lengths I’d go to dissolve you again.

No one knows the shame I carry around

In the ink of my pen.

But I’d rebuild silver cities if it meant I could be free.

I’d paint the sky navy blue if it meant

That I could finally sleep.

And my arms would lift mountains just to clear the dust

Which you brought into my view with pain,

Masked as a fiery lust.

Yet – I know well that your footprints cannot be erased.

No matter how hard I swing,

They keep showing up in a new place.

This shame might linger for too many eternities to count.

And even my spite might not be enough

To beat the next goddamn round.

-JW

These Ghosts

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And once again I pick on myself until I bleed,

Rashes behind my ears let the demons feed.

The red trickling down my back is too warm.

I’m done voiding myself to save others from harm.

Though the heart drums beat dangerously loud

I manage to raise my voice over these crowds.

They turn their heads to catch a brief glimpse

Of this pulled apart soul, covered in safety pins.

For a moment they listen as I raise my hands,

They see my anger trickling into the sand.

With roaring applause their faces turn to dust,

I bow to myself in the mirror, covered in rust.

And maybe you weren’t right when you said

“These ghosts will only cheer over your deathbed.”

-JW

The Second To Last Chapter

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One day the sun will shine for me and not for you.

You’ll beg it to stop like I once begged you

Too many moons ago.

But, honey, we’re on top

And you’re no longer latched onto me.

You’re free fall will be just a flop,

But you’ll still mix crudeness with honesty.

Go ahead and drag me on their sharp, grinding teeth.

Laugh in your palms quietly

As you’re struggling to breathe.

Because it was always you, dear,

Headed for the mighty fall.

Hide your shaky hands as it nears,

Don’t fear their anger, just stand tall.

I might’ve put you in the sun one too many times.

Now that we know there’s no place for you,

I won’t hide away the crimes.

And one morning the light will come for me, not for you.

Today feels like the second to last chapter

Of you ever mouthing

“I’ve got power over you.”

-JW

Dimmed

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The end of this chapter is closer than you would think.

All good things fall apart, all dark things dissolve,

Glimmers kill in a blink.

Light is locked inside of your neck, just let it slip out,

Let it take over the crevices of your house,

Take over the town.

Each shadowy corner is haunted hence I fail to see

What do you have to lose if you free it?

Is it not the fantasy?

Yet – you hold back the rays with your own bullet holes.

You outrun the sun with sawed off guns

To escape getting close.

But the blood cannot block out the truth much longer

So either dim the lights forever

Or die already a goner.

-JW