Tag: mental illness

The Visitor

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When the attic door creeks, it’s a bit too late to leave.

Tell the crimson in your cheeks to fade out once you bleed.

When the curtains slightly rattle, only then choose your battle.

Enter the last raffle before you drop the selfish prattle.

Sneak behind the dusty closet, just ensure that you close it,

And keep the fear in your pocket, it will be your last deposit.

Grasp the rug with your nails if all these other tricks fail.

Lower your white sails while the others chase their tails.

Never make a confession while looped in a deadly obsession.

You must only use the Hessian if you want to hear the question.

And when the back door creeks, collapse on your own feet.

Tell the nerves in your beak, “We’ve made it another week”.

-JW

Burning From Both Ends

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Time only stops for those who outrun it, no wonder this city doesn’t age.

These days are all the yesterdays, and tomorrow’s locked in a silver cage.

We rush down the boulevards, around the parks and through tall buildings,

The concrete in our lungs feels sweeter than betrayals or deserved killings.

But the air keeps changing its flow through the spaces we once worshiped.

All the unsteady boats in our neon ports look more like grey warships.

And the catacombs of our minds leak like candles burning from both ends.

The towers bend and the walls are closing in on those who swore to defend.

“If you have the courage, then I also have the courage to run even faster,”

We try to calm ourselves with these phrases to please the blue masters.

Yet – time only chases those who outrun it, no wonder we carry this rage.

All our yesterdays melt into blurry mist and the time is knocking again,

Asking to turn the next page.

-JW

Osmium Head

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The tiredness pulls my lead limbs towards the ground,

Like a form of gravity that’s unspoken, yet unfound.

The strings that tie my will together weaken each day

And I hope they don’t snap but it’s too late to pray.

I chase down the healers, I seek out the warlocks –

They treat my burning tears like a poison hemlock.

I look for old scrolls in the most secret of folders,

The coldness in my spine slides up to the shoulders

As I turn the last page and there’s nothing to save me.

My osmium head keeps sinking faster in this dark sea.

The mirror image trembles, each night it grows fainter,

My body is the canvas and the heaviness – its painter.

-JW

The Showman

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I guess I’ll just burn in my own mind’s oven

Or throw out my resume and build a new coven.

The thirteen of us will meet in the fields

Where strong people rise and weak men yield.

I guess you’ll just watch me take back what’s mine,

Not a word will object this, only deep sighs.

Once the flames start climbing high over our heads,

I’ll give you a minute to make the amends.

But I guess we’re just never going to fix it,

Go drink all the betrayal, you’re the one who mixed it.

This one time I won’t burn for your petty pledges,

Pick up the shreds, don’t cut the claws on the edges.

And I guess I’ll just stand as the rest of them bow,

You said it’s not the right moment – but the time is now.

It’s your time to take the heat as an atonement,

And you can keep calling me a dirty witch but, honey,

Soon they’ll see you’re only a showman.

-JW

The Nightmare Warriors

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Sing me to sleep, gift me a wicked nightmare,

Let them blaze guns but don’t allow me to fight scared.

Negotiate the best terms for my imminent release

And sneak crown jewels past guards holding the keys.

Vouch for my innocence in the highest of courts,

Block the gates, close the streets, sink all the ports.

But don’t ever wake me, wait ‘til I have my say.

The thrill will only last a night,

It will only linger for a day.

-JW

My Shame

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I threw my shame from the top of a mountain,

I drowned it in bottles and endless fountains,

And I even abandoned my home to lose it

But there’s no better medicine than facing the music.

I tripped over ledges in some haunted woods,

Lost myself in shine and Old Hollywood.

The shame kept crawling up my trembling spine

And the world laughed like I wasn’t worth a dime.

However, I knew better than letting it consume me,

Than running once again and inventing a new me.

I stopped in my tracks until it chased me down

And for a moment it was my time to drown.

But I can forgive scars that lead me to victory,

The stories of the vanquished don’t go down in history.

So once more I throw my shame from steepest hill –

This one on one battle will end with a kill.

-JW

December 18th, 2020

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Can’t help but wonder again – how many more

Pounds of flesh do I have to give away for free

To meet the norm?

And there’s nothing normal about this –

Shattering at 6 AM on a Monday morning,

Closing in on the dark abyss.

The pressure gets heavier each afternoon

So I stay inside to pity myself,

To curse at the moon.

But it reflects my chants like sunrays –

And there’s no way it ever gets better

If I stay.

There’s no way this story has a good ending

If all I grow to know

Is silence and pretending.

When my lips are shut, they grow stronger

On the power I gathered myself –

Until I can’t go on much longer.

Can I even go on from here, can I move?

Their tentacles strangle me

But what do I have to prove?

So I swallow the bitterness and resign the “sorry”s.

I don’t need a tougher skin,

I need to extract myself from your stories.

You can tell your greedy mirror image

To bear one more storm.

My part in this narrative is finished,

Recall your swarm.

-JW

Where The Sadness Ends

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I hide away in the buzz between your lips,

Touching your fingertips,

Amending all the rips.

You hold my hair back while I burn out bright

But only during the night

While lost in this blight.

The oxygen in my veins sings for you, too,

Perhaps I’m your Waterloo,

Yet – I feel your blues.

I hurt for every bullet you take in self-defense.

One day we’ll make amends,

And meet where the sadness ends.

-JW

Sister Moon

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I pave the pale moonlight with my lightest shoes,

Bruises on my neck as if you needed more proof

That where I come from is a land of temptation

But it has nothing to do with my destination.

The chimneys cry charcoal mascara tears,

Smeared across their cheeks by well-meaning peers.

The dusty air holds the start of another story

I’ll make up while these empty roads bore me.

And the dark parts of my mind sting like darts,

Hard to point them away from the wounded parts.

My joints tell me to look back once more

But I know I’ll get enchanted by all the gore.

I just pave the night, I keep braving the night

As sister moon mirrors rays so I stay in light.

Once the sun sweats over the evergreen trees,

The lures behind my back wail like banshees.

-JW

Their Silence Stayed Behind

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Sometimes I feel like screaming is not enough,

Their backs turned against us,

Their words vile and rough.

And my heart breaks, it breaks time and again

About their ignorance

Drowned in stale champagne.

I could recollect all the stories one more time

If it meant anything more

Than the sound of chimes.

But the wind is passing through the town today

And I must follow the road

To chase what I crave.

To those staying back, watching me pack up –

Remember my face

When the times got rough.

I burned my feet for them and never gave in.

So call my absence a save,

Don’t call it a sin.

Because no one’s gonna pull me out of the fire,

I have to do it on my own,

Have to walk the spire.

Even if you think it’s not what you’d desire,

The faith will tie us together again

Just like haywire.

-JW