Tag: mental health poetry

Glass Limousine

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Abby Chung from Pexels

I see my refection in store windows and taxis,

It would be a lie if I told you it’s not taxing

And it would be a travesty to tell you I can sleep

When I’ve spent years driving this glass limousine.

Everyone’s seen the uphill battles in real time,

Cheered for the downfalls, paid for some new grime.

The climb is what really bores them to death

So they clap way too loud, and I take it as a threat.

But while they’re observing, I thrive in the blind spots,

I build a life out of fumes in case this car stops.

One day they’ll run out of gasoline to feed it,

One day it’ll devour all these low-hanging people.

Until then I keep driving, hiding weapons under covers,

And I hold my hope close like a hopeless lover.

I still see my reflection in chic silverware and screens

But it would be a lie if I told you that nowadays

I don’t also see it raindrops and trees.

-JW

My Shame

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Maria Orlova from Pexels

I threw my shame from the top of a mountain,

I drowned it in bottles and endless fountains,

And I even abandoned my home to lose it

But there’s no better medicine than facing the music.

I tripped over ledges in some haunted woods,

Lost myself in shine and Old Hollywood.

The shame kept crawling up my trembling spine

And the world laughed like I wasn’t worth a dime.

However, I knew better than letting it consume me,

Than running once again and inventing a new me.

I stopped in my tracks until it chased me down

And for a moment it was my time to drown.

But I can forgive scars that lead me to victory,

The stories of the vanquished don’t go down in history.

So once more I throw my shame from steepest hill –

This one on one battle will end with a kill.

-JW

December 18th, 2020

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Adrien Olichon from Pexels

Can’t help but wonder again – how many more

Pounds of flesh do I have to give away for free

To meet the norm?

And there’s nothing normal about this –

Shattering at 6 AM on a Monday morning,

Closing in on the dark abyss.

The pressure gets heavier each afternoon

So I stay inside to pity myself,

To curse at the moon.

But it reflects my chants like sunrays –

And there’s no way it ever gets better

If I stay.

There’s no way this story has a good ending

If all I grow to know

Is silence and pretending.

When my lips are shut, they grow stronger

On the power I gathered myself –

Until I can’t go on much longer.

Can I even go on from here, can I move?

Their tentacles strangle me

But what do I have to prove?

So I swallow the bitterness and resign the “sorry”s.

I don’t need a tougher skin,

I need to extract myself from your stories.

You can tell your greedy mirror image

To bear one more storm.

My part in this narrative is finished,

Recall your swarm.

-JW

Sister Moon

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Lucas Pezeta from Pexels

I pave the pale moonlight with my lightest shoes,

Bruises on my neck as if you needed more proof

That where I come from is a land of temptation

But it has nothing to do with my destination.

The chimneys cry charcoal mascara tears,

Smeared across their cheeks by well-meaning peers.

The dusty air holds the start of another story

I’ll make up while these empty roads bore me.

And the dark parts of my mind sting like darts,

Hard to point them away from the wounded parts.

My joints tell me to look back once more

But I know I’ll get enchanted by all the gore.

I just pave the night, I keep braving the night

As sister moon mirrors rays so I stay in light.

Once the sun sweats over the evergreen trees,

The lures behind my back wail like banshees.

-JW

Stepping Out

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by KoolShooters from Pexels

The cheeks blush with crimson rage

As I step out of this rusty cage

To face the music, the false prodigies,

But nobody’s there awaiting me.

The time stands still, it’s almost poetic –

They kept my life highly hectic

As a sorry attempt to confuse me,

To make me less of a human.

They restrained me through battles

So I return to inspect the shackles.

All I see are some black dahlias,

All the betrayals become obvious.

Bars and wires melt at my sight

Deflating this cage left out of light.

My knuckles shake in fatigue

Yet – I close the doors

With a sigh of relief.

-JW

The Judge

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Oleg Magni from Pexels

Spent another day in my own basement letting the rain dull my thoughts,

Arranging a courtroom in my unfair mind, bowing to rusty metal gods.

I hear the jury sitting down upstairs, I hear the judge using his new gavel.

My brain’s ushered away to be used as evidence in this case yet to unravel.

The court proceedings fill me with dread, they’re agonizingly numbing.

Yet – my spite’s done with beatings so I choose to abuse thy cunning.

I watch my mouth spew sharp arguments, all based on years of correcting me.

They dig deep even though I promised to never call myself an enemy.

My tongue splatters acidic liquids over the already damaged wallpaper

And the windows shatter in deadly pieces, ready to let me meet my makers.

The body’s giving in to the pressure so I really start wondering – how come?

Why do I keep fixing the floors and ceilings if I still call this palace a slum?

But you know the answer, and so do I.

The judge catches me in a terrible lie

I’m bound to another day down here,

Self-imprisoned, ready to disappear.

-JW

Red

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Min An from Pexels

The Red is piercing my skin and pushing furious tentacles out of my neck.

With every heartbeat the scene turns brighter, I’m caught in a self-made wreck.

The green contact lenses I’m wearing can’t hide the pressure raising within,

I know my eyes glow in sultry carmine, I know I’ve lost my linchpin.

The nails click on surfaces, they dig into walls, they pull out my own hair.

The Red comes in waves and it leaves me crying for a chance to fight fair.

But they own my guts and let me sleep in them, too, just for another payday –

So I snap at myself for reasons unknown, convinced that I’m their prey.

The Red punishes me, it holds my nerve ends under deadly avalanches.

Fixing the damage feels like welding together burned and broken branches.

And soon enough every part of my torso is covered in a crown of flames

So I let the yet untamed Red out to play with its creators,

The instigators of my deep shame.

-JW

Your Own Gravedigger

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Sergi Montaner from Pexels

The visions don’t stop arriving at the gate,

They fill my sizzling pockets, bate after bate,

Until there’s nothing to offer in exchange.

Then they burn their carriages in flaming rage.

The suspense tightens around my chambers,

Pulse rushes to conclusions, rips the papers.

My spine vibrates from all the vivid feelings

Thrown at my face from this leaking ceiling.

But the cemetery’s watching quietly, wisely,

It’s eyeing my carcass, “Oh, you entice me.”

The black birds chirp thrice before it begins.

My smile gets widened by a sharpened brim.

I keep waking and falling, and waking again.

There are carriages, carnages and a single amen.

The thoughts keep digging me an early grave,

And when engraving the headstone,

I hear them spelling my name.

-JW

Stopping The Time Machine

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Marlene Leppänen from Pexels

And one day I won’t be this bitter,

My tongue won’t need a babysitter.

And one day I’ll learn to take a “no” –

Perhaps tomorrow,

Not today though.

One year the revenge will even out,

My hands won’t shake, lips won’t pout.

Maybe even this week I’ll be fine –

But not right now

While I’m still vile.

I promise – one morning it’ll stop.

There won’t be any tears to mop.

And one morning I’ll just let it go –

The time will finally

Take it slow.

-JW

Ultimatus

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Lucas Pezeta from Pexels

Every portrait on the wall has wandering eyes,

Every time I look at the phone you have me paranoid

But I don’t take my own advice.

There’s no privacy in love and no respect in control.

I might act like you’re fooling me greatly

But your lies are barely staying afloat.

So I confess to you all my deadliest urges

And you say you hope I would just get it over with,

Not taming the darkness that emerges.

You keep pushing me further, calling me distasteful.

“If you ever leave, I’ll know I was right,

You were never faithful.”

Words can build character, they can burn down cities,

And after months of hearing you on the loop

My anger turns into pity.

Every photo on the wall has my lifeless eyes,

Every time I look at you, the poison sinks in more

Until all self-preservation is paralyzed.

-JW