I wish I could tell you a tale, but now it is all just a blur.
Finding my old self was much harder than losing her.
The roads I took still wait for me to pay them back.
I wonder if they will curse my spite and my hidden tracks.
Months pass and I stay glued to a screen at midnight,
Trying to overrule my thoughts, so tranquil and benign.
I know that she is still out there dripping paint on paper,
And I wish I could remember,
But my memory wavers.
-Jackie
I wonder if all this emptiness I carry serves as my armor.
Am I saving myself or am I following the recipe for disaster?
Is there more to me than the nothingness and the roaring rage?
I feel like if I take a single step, they will burn this stage.
Therefore, I stay in place and wait for the waves to pass.
Some voices tell me that I am plastic, but I smell like grass.
These memories buried deep in my chest, they want out,
But the whispers are getting louder, so they avoid the crowds.
I wonder if all this loneliness will ever pay off my debts.
Will life come to collect or will it let love trap me in nets?
Everyone promised to warn me when the first cloud formed.
I feel like a desert island caught in the middle of a storm.
-Jackie
I stand here like a granite statue,
Immortalizing your fears.
I’m the blood on a stained glass,
The deadly breath you hear.
I lurk in nightmarish shadows
And I prey on good deeds.
I’m the judge and the punisher
Tying you to your seat.
-Jackie
My youth gets wasted on grimy streets,
It cries for mercy on two bruised knees.
I don’t know how this cruel cycle started,
But I lost the map and got outsmarted.
I used to fight for the bridges I built,
I used to cry if the hero got killed.
Did my values get lost between the pages?
Did I lose my value when I built this cage?
Friends from my past still sing me praises,
They’re quick to bring up the better days.
But I see the bruises on my self-respect,
The bruises those careless people left.
My youth gets wasted on dirty streets,
It begs me to hide underneath the sheets.
I don’t know why I keep chasing the winds.
I lost the maps and I missed the hints.
-Jackie
Gasping for air,
It’s such a faithless affair.
You’re trying not to drown
As they drag you down.
You talk to yourself
Because no one can help.
The water is quiet,
Breath doesn’t defy it.
And nobody hears
As they break your spears.
Your throat is gone,
Ripped out by a swan.
-Jackie
The gauze on my palms turns amber,
It drips translucent liquids on the pavement.
One more drop and I will fall down,
I will break my past, then try to reframe it.
The stitches pull at my thoughts
While the scalpel punctures my left lung.
I need a moment to pull it together,
But I know I am cursed to leave this world young.
Wild animals scratch my throat.
I cough but nothing ever helps the itch.
My feelings swirl like dangerous waters,
And I think they want to catch the witch.
The head that I carry feels heavy,
It leans to the side, greeting the night,
And my skull cracks like a hard candy,
But at least I make it through the fight.
-Jackie
The trains pass underneath my heavy feet
As I stand on the bridge in the summer heat.
I’ve stood here for months, observing the seasons,
Listening to strangers and their endless reasons.
They pass me, they stop, they never leave.
I wish I had a single moment to breathe.
But the trains keep flying by like the time,
And I only have this bridge, so I call it mine.
Soft conversations slip by my pale ears,
The kind that only a cursed ghost hears.
Yet, it’s never silent, and I find it sweet,
Even when the snow is louder than the streets.
The wheels keep singing their endless songs.
I stand on my tiptoes, righting my wrongs.
The trains pass underneath my heavy feet,
And I’m stuck between death and simple defeat.
-Jackie
Time bares its teeth,
Growling from the trees,
But I do not slow down,
I do not bandage my heels.
The seconds trickle,
Lose their value like nickels.
I don’t have much,
Just a dozen nibbles.
The hunger grows,
My starving pride growls.
Three hours to midnight,
Then I’ll lose the crowds.
I run on empty
In this city of plenty.
Can you sense the fury?
I would leave if you let me.
-Jackie
Pages turn to ashes,
Words sink into the lashes.
I remember every phrase,
Every break and empty space.
The feeling lingers
Like the touch of your fingers.
Time fades the scars
And the lies in your car.
I know I will forget,
Leave this dark safety net.
Some memories will stay,
Hide in pots and trays.
But the pages will perish
With the words I once cherished.
You will become a story
I tell people who bore me.
-Jackie
Your sentences rotate like your tongue is a revolving door.
I can lip-synch the next phrase if you give me the chance.
The same five words spill out of you when I beg for more,
And I am not sure if this is a nightmare or a trance.
Yet you call it romance.
Delays, silence, and automated replies…
But I am too paralyzed to put weight on your lies.
Your worries levitate somewhere above my head like birds,
And I do wish I could be heard, but the screams make me weak.
We are cutting open our love, cutting it into bloody thirds.
You told your friends I cannot leave you for a week,
Then wondered when my smile was bleak.
The silence is now all yours.
Go and beg the gods on all fours.
-Jackie
The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright 