Tag: love letter to self

The Second To Last Chapter

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Bran Sodre from Pexels

One day the sun will shine for me and not for you.

You’ll beg it to stop like I once begged you

Too many moons ago.

But, honey, we’re on top

And you’re no longer latched onto me.

You’re free fall will be just a flop,

But you’ll still mix crudeness with honesty.

Go ahead and drag me on their sharp, grinding teeth.

Laugh in your palms quietly

As you’re struggling to breathe.

Because it was always you, dear,

Headed for the mighty fall.

Hide your shaky hands as it nears,

Don’t fear their anger, just stand tall.

I might’ve put you in the sun one too many times.

Now that we know there’s no place for you,

I won’t hide away the crimes.

And one morning the light will come for me, not for you.

Today feels like the second to last chapter

Of you ever mouthing

“I’ve got power over you.”

-JW

Taking Cover

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Akira Kawamura on Pexels

He first saw you the night you turned nineteen,

Bleach blond fantasies, mind desperate, yet keen.

Outskirts of desert formed your idea of love –

Now you have a pocketful with nowhere to shove.

He seemed to forget all the lessons you taught

And maybe too often he called you a fraud.

The years will fly by, the betrayal – remain.

The time will teach you to breathe but not to refrain.

He now has a mansion and a Las Vegas wife,

The most cheerful things that money can buy.

You can’t help but take it in, moment or more,

Before spiraling, throwing out all you deplore.

…He knew you never stood a chance against a goner,

Too lonely to cry for help, too scared to dishonor.

But you didn’t go back to the deserts he mudded

So maybe, just maybe, you’ve always known that’s it better

To run for cover.

-JW

Seeing Red

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Thought Catalog from Pexels

You sat there, one feet away, your arm right by mine. Your warmth – numbing.

I wish they could see me getting looked at this way.

They said I’m just trouble and my father left because of my shortcomings.

You brushed the fear away and you held me back when I was seeing red.

But when the sand castles I built came apart, I was screaming at the sea –

And yet, you didn’t see me as a threat.

You called me crazy a few times, I called you a moron, and we called it a day.

No matter what happens, your cheek in my hand is what matters,

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You danced to the silly records I put on this afternoon when you thought it’s lost.

The circles you drew in the air while smiling at me

Was probably what I loved the most.

You have to go soon. You don’t know it yet but you have to leave.

I will drop out of this manic phase, I will break your heart without noticing.

By the corner we met you will heave.

You still are the only person I’m truly sorry to. I wish they could see me.

The way you looked at me like you could read between the lines of my mind

Made me think you could never leave me.

You know you can’t. I promise I’ll make it easy. My love, I swear –

If I had everything in this world, the only thing I’d me missing

Is having your scent to wear

Around my veins and arteries, pulsating,

Spreading your sweet naivety across the room

Slowly detonating

The strings of my heart.

My love, I’m only playing the part.

-JW

Another ABBA song

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Retha Ferguson from Pexels

Sudden sparks of passion and subtle love is all you’ve wanted to give

When everything I asked for was honesty – because I don’t have time to kill.

To my caring sentiments you never respond with effort, but the second I turn

Is when you decide to crawl back? Are you finally out of women to burn?

My jokes you don’t understand when they’re teasing.

The only time I’ve seen you cry is when I left you desperate and freezing.

But I’m done with the chase, and you hate me for daring

To not hold you down until I hear swearing. Or tearing

Of my already sore patience when it comes to you and your kind.

If you thought I would fall, you’re the one that’s out of the mind.

And I’m sorry it’s only your shortfalls we’re addressing.

However, all you see in me is another girl – in a different dressing.

Or is it not like that and your lack of answers should sound intriguing?

But then again – you must be the only soul whose red signs I’m not reading.

You know, I wrote this when another ABBA song was playing on the radio

In my neck of the woods. Where you always lose me – and I want to let it go.

Yet the way you swallow me slowly, re-do the interior of my moral code

Makes me think twice before leaving, before hitting the road.

Maybe your insanities are keeping me from overload.

But maybe in the series of my life you’re the most tragic episode.

(I would’ve bowed at the end – if the life lightened the load.)

-JW

Bruised Elbows And Lost Tempers

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Deva Darshan

Why do I have to write exhortatory poems about you every night?

How do you cut me to the whites of the bones and act as it is alright?

The craving inside is not quitting, it is only rising through floor, filled with rage.

We both know that as long as we care, we will not be able to turn the page.

Each night I walk for hours to ensure that I am not the broken one –

It was you that bought and loaded, and pointed to my head that lonely gun.

I am not sure how to make peace with my bruised elbows or lost tempers.

Tomorrow it will repeat – you will set it afire, you will not hesitate to attemper.

My saddest day was the one I learned people I love can be villains, too.

Falling in love with strangers was easy – it was you who woke up the madness of coup.

One thing you forgot in the midst of this war is how I lack apprehension.

I close my eyes not fearing your ill intentions

Covered as cheap loathing –

But it is not a sheep’s clothing.

More like a foreboding.

***

Love does not feel like exhilaration.

It is a senseless act of passion

Committed for your own defamation.

Exactly like high fashion.

-JW

By the Arête

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo from JESHOOTS.com

It’s been eighteen months since I’ve touched a scale to deal with the itch.

For full seventeen months I haven’t been called a righteous bitch.

Weighing myself is still a daily task for me though, don’t be blinded,

The things I get done feel like nothing and I start getting winded.

The constant rush to be leading is leaving me shattered in the evenings

But now the broken mirrors won’t really reflect what I’m eating.

There are pros and cons for having a hunger, and that’s a fact.

No matter the hunger, at the end of the day you feel like you’ve signed a pact.

Some mornings my life’s hanging on a string by the arête

As they’re stealing my ideas, copyrighted with blood on the concrete.

Some nightmares wake me quicker than seeing my bile in the drain

And I keep reminding myself that the self-pity has died in vain.

I have changed. It is not the same.

***

It’s been one billion little lies later. My brain has gone quiet.

I’m not wanting to diet but it’s not a riot.

I’m ready to pave a way, striate.

-JW

Every Beginning and Bitter End

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Justin Hamilton

She’s a great listener and a steady support,

Even my granddad calls her “old sport”,

Because she’s a delight and the heart of every crowd –

But I’ll admit, some days she gets a bit loud.

She’s never reckless or selfish, but when she is,

I observe her closely and perform a little analysis,

You know, to see if she’s just lightheaded or hurt

By the many worlds in her head, like a true introvert,

As it’s not usual for her to act out of fear or be ruthless,

And I don’t want her mind to grow painfully fruitless.

She cares a lot, sometimes too much, to be honest,

It’s her kryptonite, forgiving more than is promised,

More than is reasonable. But I secretly love it –

Her passion takes my lowest days to the summit.

It’s tough to make her unreasonable or vague,

Although I sometime do, and she’s embarrassed to break

In front of herself, mostly, not an observer in the street.

That’s just proof of how her mind is unique, yet obsolete.

She never sees the best version of herself in the mirror,

No matter the non-value added wits and the shimmer

She ever so lightly paints her smile with, every other day.

It fascinates me, and some people can’t look away.

I fell for her as soon as she laid her eyes on me,

It seemed like there’s no one else she’d rather see

In that distant night, many Fridays ago, all alone…

It has always made sense — it’s her duty to be,

And mine, ever so blindly,

To atone.

-JW