Tag: Jackie’s diaries

My Shame

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I threw my shame from the top of a mountain,

I drowned it in bottles and endless fountains,

And I even abandoned my home to lose it

But there’s no better medicine than facing the music.

I tripped over ledges in some haunted woods,

Lost myself in shine and Old Hollywood.

The shame kept crawling up my trembling spine

And the world laughed like I wasn’t worth a dime.

However, I knew better than letting it consume me,

Than running once again and inventing a new me.

I stopped in my tracks until it chased me down

And for a moment it was my time to drown.

But I can forgive scars that lead me to victory,

The stories of the vanquished don’t go down in history.

So once more I throw my shame from steepest hill –

This one on one battle will end with a kill.

-JW

Leave It Unwritten

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Empty mailboxes and coffee stands,

Time dripping like sheen grains of sand.

My face is a mirror to your illusion,

My face is a mirror to your grand confusion.

Silky dresses and muted city skylines,

Breath leaking out after lost hindsights.

I assume your beauty is here to stay,

I assume your beauty puts me on display.

Harsh words and unwritten sentiments,

Broken hopes leaking from overused pens.

Your eyes poke my brain until it’s bleeding,

Your eyes suck the ink dry every evening.

-JW

The Monsters

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The monsters under my bed keep craving pure flesh,

The nails on their feet scratch harder when I try to start fresh.

But there isn’t a real bone in my broken body

So I never scream when they aim to cut or disarm me.

The monsters under my bed are stabbing my back,

Whenever I switch on the screen, they paint the room black.

And I know their feeding, they’re growing stronger each time

I let them pull me into the burning limelight.

-JW

Defused

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Nothing lonelier on this planet than the idea of you

I abandoned in the wasteland so many moons ago.

Nothing harsher than what I said after thinking through:

“If one of us leaves, the broken one will still be you.”

But you kept swaying your fists at me in full speed,

Crashing porcelain promises, covering all the leads.

My back can take far worse, you can’t make me bleed.

Even with all the force, you can’t outrun my breed.

And you can no longer walk over me like you used to

When your spell was the only curse I would lose to.

Gather your tales and go tell someone else I used you.

There will come a time you will accept

You’re defused, too.

-JW

When The Winter’s Over

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The spring is back in town

And my crowns are no longer made of wires.

Blossoms and moss grow on blood, crusty brown,

Spreading vaporized desires.

The leaves tickle slightly

As dazzling sweat trickle down the back.

You promised not to take my cries lightly

But the spring stole your tact.

My senses get attacked

With the vivid smell of primrose and tulip.

The chains around my wrists, once deep black,

Now clear and lucid.

The sun climbs in fast leaps

Over the tiresomely arrogant brick towers.

Its white light is a sweet, sweet release,

And I collapse in flowers.

-JW

Light Me Up

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And sometimes your love leaves only a faint spark.

Nobody ever follows you into the dark.

Parting the seven seas seems like a distant memory,

An over-dreamt future we once treated like a legacy.

And your boots get more tired than you ever do

When they call you out for feeling black and blue.

What else there is to say than “light me up”,

Burn your life’s belongings in a rusty iron cup.

But let them eat your feelings with killing knives

Until they’re drenched in revenge, fully satisfied.

Because sometimes love burns in crimson heresy –

So beware the wicked selling you your own legacy.

Let that darkness out the chimneys, let it go up,

Throw the sparks in the air until laughter erupts.

-JW

The Longest Winters

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I want to weep flowers on your whitest grave

In the middle of a burnt out winter –

No ashes left to save.

I want to tear my skin open in sharp waves

And sacrifice the shards to those

Hiding in voids and caves.

I want to drop on my knees in an empty field,

Sell the words I promised to save,

Sell all the golden shields.

I want to melt hot candlewax into my tears

And fall headfirst into the flames,

Bursting the atmosphere.

-JW

The Second To Last Chapter

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One day the sun will shine for me and not for you.

You’ll beg it to stop like I once begged you

Too many moons ago.

But, honey, we’re on top

And you’re no longer latched onto me.

You’re free fall will be just a flop,

But you’ll still mix crudeness with honesty.

Go ahead and drag me on their sharp, grinding teeth.

Laugh in your palms quietly

As you’re struggling to breathe.

Because it was always you, dear,

Headed for the mighty fall.

Hide your shaky hands as it nears,

Don’t fear their anger, just stand tall.

I might’ve put you in the sun one too many times.

Now that we know there’s no place for you,

I won’t hide away the crimes.

And one morning the light will come for me, not for you.

Today feels like the second to last chapter

Of you ever mouthing

“I’ve got power over you.”

-JW

Dimmed

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The end of this chapter is closer than you would think.

All good things fall apart, all dark things dissolve,

Glimmers kill in a blink.

Light is locked inside of your neck, just let it slip out,

Let it take over the crevices of your house,

Take over the town.

Each shadowy corner is haunted hence I fail to see

What do you have to lose if you free it?

Is it not the fantasy?

Yet – you hold back the rays with your own bullet holes.

You outrun the sun with sawed off guns

To escape getting close.

But the blood cannot block out the truth much longer

So either dim the lights forever

Or die already a goner.

-JW

Parting Papers Seas

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They’ve run out of fresh blood to add in the fountain pens

So the paper seas are grudgingly parting right in front of them.

The pages meld and tear, cut open everyone who passes.

Those who own the worthy trees, control the sleepy masses.

Their backpacks are empty but blind trust is all they need.

The system is the system, honest men don’t have to sleep.

Even when the sails catch their blues, they recklessly persevere.

The drifting boat feeds on everyone who dares to come near.

And we observe from the shore, hoping the waves will come,

Hoping the waters will evaporate those who only serve some.

Don’t call us naïve though, we know these paper seas cold –

Their surfaces drown empty pockets and only float in gold.

Yet – their ship keeps sailing, our legs are muddy up to the knees.

The future must be a promising concept when you do as you please.

But they’ve run out of fresh blood to add in their fountain pens

So our scalps are grudgingly parting right in front of them.

-JW