I remember the scolding looks they gave away freely back when I built this dim lair,
Back when I used to think that I should just tolerate whatever love someone could spare.
Those days are now gone, and many moons have passed since I last fought fair,
And perhaps I would consider stopping this madness if they took the crown out of my hair.
-Jackie
I like you better when I watch you grow smaller in the rearview mirror.
I love you right when I see you running after a cab that I never took.
The things I enjoy in a moment tend to turn into scary enemy figures.
These memories I carry with me tend to turn into worst-selling books.
-Jackie
I feel trapped under every word these selfish lips mutter,
And I know that one rainy day they will choke me out.
Paragraphs build on my chest until breath doesn’t even matter.
I wish I could lose this murmuring brain in a roaring crowd.
-Jackie
The grey tones in the clouds and on the cobblestone streets
Protect me from the ghouls perched somewhere underneath –
Under my skin, under my coat, under each one of my lashes.
The ghouls try to seduce me, but it’s hard to reignite my ashes.
The grey city cries an old name that seems to ring a bell.
I see pale creatures climbing out of the nine circles of hell.
Some greet me like a friend, some snarl and gnash their teeth.
I point a bloody finger and send my demons out to feed.
-Jackie
I light candles and watch them warm up my room,
I spell out curses that will outline your doom.
You asked if I’d turn your life into a tragedy,
If I’d slice and dice your struggling legacy…
But you’re no longer the ruler of this disaster.
Watch me spin like a hurricane, faster and faster.
I sprinkle hot sparkles on our graying story,
I hex you and your reasons, excuses and sorries.
-Jackie
The salty breeze washes away the bitter feeling on my tongue,
And I try to trap the freedom the wind breathes in a jar.
My pain bleeds into the sand, but I can only stand and watch
As my youth cries sour tears while watching from a far.
The grey fog covers my shoulders in questions still unasked.
One day the clear sky will slice me into bits and pieces.
The sea chews at my feet, trying to swallow me whole,
But the shallows keep me safe between sentiment and breezes.
-Jackie
I will show you my scars if you try to ask nicely
And I will tell you how to break or entice me.
Turn off the lights and see the glowing bruises.
Silent treatment was his favorite weapon to use.
No, it does not hurt, but is still does haunt me,
The venomous jokes and nicely done taunting.
He was one of the good ones until he was not.
This is now my hell, and all I do here is rot.
I could use a friend, I could use a new lover.
I could hug my cold skin under the covers.
I will tell you where the ink turns into blood
And I will show you how to drag a name
Right through the mud.
-Jackie
Step one:
Let them bruise your pride, let them bite your brittle skin
So that they think you will follow them straight into the fire.
Step two:
Get up graciously and let them know that you feel thankful
For teaching you the lesson of obedience for hire.
Step three:
Treat your red wounds until your rage runs your body
And turn into the person that they most admire.
Step four:
Let them think that they have you all tied up and loving.
Do not show them that the hand they’ve been dealt is dire.
Step five:
When they let their walls down, strike them in their chest.
Puncture their lungs like some old and useless tires.
Step six:
As they beg you not to leave, give them the last hope,
Then change your mind and tell them you’re finally tired.
Step seven:
Do not look at your phone, do not even touch it.
The apologies and curses might make you feel desired.
Step eight:
They will turn you into the villain of their path,
But these narratives are way too plain and retired.
Step nine:
Regain strength, they don’t have your power anymore.
They don’t get to be your truth and your only liar.
Step ten:
Greet your friends as they knock on your new door.
Let safe love warm you up like a calm bonfire.
-Jackie
These stories about us keep popping up on my screens,
And I do not want to believe that they might be real.
Not again, not anymore.
Not me crying on the floor.
You could not find a way out, so you shot right through,
Leaving a wound in my head that is black and blue…
And for what?
Just to spite me?
Do not say that you cannot despise me.
When I was happy, you disguised me
Like being content is an indicator of some disease.
You made a pact with your mouth to never give me peace.
The most painful loves must come in threes
Because I do not want to hear from you,
Do not want to reinvent myself anew.
These stories about us keep popping up on my screens,
And I know I will make it out as long as I scream.
-Jackie
I try to collect the storylines that I lost,
But my path to joy was rocky and deflated.
No matter the sadness, no matter the cost,
All I wanted was to finally see you elated.
You punished me with roaring silent treatment
As my tears turned into glimmering razors.
I wasn’t a saint, but I wasn’t the demon.
You didn’t have to efface me with an eraser.
-Jackie
The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright 