Building oceans out of used duct tape rolls,
Hiding the motions while it’s taking a toll –
The chemistry’s fake and we’re caught blinded.
Five years ago I thought we’re like-minded.
But people change morals and wind changes heart.
I chose to go silent and you chose to go dark.
Won’t call you arch nemesis or even a stranger,
Yet the money I put on you –
I’d never again repeat that wager.
-JW
Quite tragic what happened when I dropped you and left.
I turned away dramatically while holding your spine
Like a cigarette.
At least that’s what you’re telling them, that’s how I know
That when I left, you made me into an amusement park,
Into a travelling show.
Not a circus, just a bare stage and bad storytelling.
I can tell you lie because your tongue is sour from spite
And it’s rapidly swelling.
It hurts to re-run the memories, to think about how I quit.
You were extremely vile but I wasn’t scared – so go,
Take away your friendship that’s counterfeit.
-JW
It’s one of those days. Someone breaks the news, the news break my bones.
Simple, logical. I’m lost in time and space. I’m freeing the dusty thrones.
Marching around the room aimlessly, memories bursting by my teary eyes,
Light speed is nothing compared to the rush of these thoughts, these lies.
I’m deep in self-pity and misery, angry at the destiny that cost me the sky.
Why do I only believe that there’s a god when I’m high on the cupid’s supply?
Then my song comes on. It crumbles. The reality reappears fresh as a daydream.
I start remembering all the parts you didn’t own, how I was always the A-team.
And the freedom sets me jumping up and down, flying down a flight of stairs.
My father used to say that goodbyes are only bitter if the opponent fought fair.
All life spent running from demons – maybe this is the one I beat facing him directly?
Maybe you were the one wicked curse not going in for the kill,
Maybe you shot to protect me?
-JW
Oh, how I loved you… You must admit
There wasn’t place for anyone else to enter.
We never called it quits
But you mocked me as a mind bender
So I hid and covered my fits.
Oh, how lucky I am to see you go down,
And for all you’ve done, I’m not surprised.
Hope this makes your mommy proud.
Hope I’m the Trojan horse, well disguised.
Your agony is my prize.
Oh, how glad I was about it being over.
Your friends talked loud but I didn’t listen.
It was always my doing, giving you a cold shoulder?!
Hope your next mistress – she christens,
Because the bravery in you so often bristles.
Oh, how bitter my existence must taste.
You’ve been played, and I’m clearly the face.
I wanted to forget but now it’s all waste –
The times you screwed me over… No trace.
Remember – you called me ‘out of place’?
(Never challenge a hellhound to a puppy race.)
-JW
They say: “I wish you truly saw yourself and your worth.”
And no matter how I swear that I do, they remain deaf
When I respond – I’m not self-conscious, I’m just bored,
They say: “I wish you weren’t a perfectionist, that’s so destructive.”
Not a single day they’ve chased anything they believed in
But they’re teaching me how to be productive?
They say: “I have this big dream, brighter than yours, and I’ll make it work.”
No backbone, no life lessons, no time for my small successes.
But they’re always surprised that I listen to them with an obvious smirk.
They say: “I don’t have time right now but when I do, I’ll force myself back into your life as if your universe revolves around me. Doesn’t it? Please make time, not excuses.”
…
I was patiently waiting for the right time to speak up but no more.
There’s no friend in someone whose ego depends on digging open your bruises.
There’s no friend in someone who doesn’t hear when you refuse,
There’s no friend in someone who only abuses
When the time is right, when it’s perfectly fitting…
For months now I’ve been dreaming about quitting,
And I promised I won’t take up dreams without fully committing
So here we go.
-JW
Oh, be careful reflecting your self-worth on me.
One second you’re editing me, the next you’re neck-deep, drowning in hate for yourself,
You no longer have the sense or the means to not be self-destructive,
and visibly
There’s something that needs to be reattached to your ego, but you’re sitting on your ice shelf.
Cold. Eager to watch me cramping in frozen waters.
I won’t though. You’re riding the high horse,
Sipping on insecurities which only makes it sadder,
Pretending I had it bad, but you’ve got it worse.
Be careful reflecting your self-worth on me.
I don’t appear in mirrored reflections of superficial surfaces,
and visibly
You’re upset I didn’t wait for you while the selfishness passes.
But I don’t write my poems for you. I write them for the masses.
-JW
Sorry I called you a stranger last night without meaning it.
Quite weird how we don’t allow our loved ones to change even slightly.
The second they do – we quit.
But I do apologize for growing apart, even though I was thinking
That we’re birds of a feather, flying in the same direction –
So I took off without blinking.
I crash landed in the next empty field, no sight of you, just dirt.
For a moment I did believe you got lost chasing…
After weeks of silence I stopped waiting on you to revert.
Then, four months later, in an empty hallway your eyes meet mine.
Such a happy moment, you’re there but somehow not smiling.
I realized you’ve lost your spine.
Ran into you a couple more times. Your stare so blank, I wondered –
Maybe I’ve become see-through, and this is afterlife?
Maybe I should close my eyes and count to one hundred?
It’s been a while and I still see your face in my dreams, I do.
It’s painful and wonderful, and I want to hold on…
When I wake up – still no signs of life. No signs of you.
Sorry I called you a stranger last night without meaning it.
You could’ve called me back then. You still have my number.
You goddamn hypocrite.
-JW
Our city is burning up in flames with ashes bringing it closer to heaven.
The place we reinvented from scratch chases me in dreams. Was it the haven?
I yelled at you for being rude and you dragged my ego through carpets –
You held my hand, we stole pamphlets and I painted the room scarlet.
Letting it go means cutting my chest open and pulling out the remains
Of what was once home to our passionate laugher, to hurricanes.
I can’t keep myself from asking – why does this feel like the end?
The truth will chase you down one day, no matter how much you bend.
Don’t worry, the ocean in me is swaying peacefully, I will take it easy.
Once you leave, I’ll pretend that the imprints you left on my lids weren’t greasy.
-JW
The way you look at lips gets me suspicious but, I promise, I won’t judge
When you’re on the porch, asking for my forgiveness as your wife still holds a grudge.
I assume you didn’t tell the tale in its entirety either.
Only some bits. Only some pieces. You were never a bleeder,
Always the one leaving scratchless, without a wound to your honor.
The second sharp words are thrown, oh baby, you’re a goner.
Your face could heal a hundred scars if you didn’t sell it out to every fool
Who feeds on broken hearts. But I’m not surprised when you’re a tool
To all of them – who can play it cool. They know better, they don’t just drool
Over their cheap glass promises – that are also deemed as priceless.
What happened? Why did you leave broke and diceless?
I’m a daydream turning into a nightmare right before your eyes
Wish I could give you a warning about how being a jerk might hurt a bit.
Sorry, I didn’t leave a light on for you – but not like you’re not used to taking a hit.
Sorry, I can’t hide you from the tentacles of truth anymore. I don’t want to.
Hope there’s someone else buying into your auctions, and your cheap ass tattoo.
Don’t take it wrong – my apologies mean nothing, and I learned it from you trying
To pull a truth out of a magician’s hat filled with dead rabbits and your fake crying.
-JW
They’re building a casino on the corner we first met.
What a cliché – greed replacing our spot for watching the sun set.
The shop where I bought you socks is closing down,
Maybe it’s too late to ask whether you frown
Before putting them on and going your separate way in our streets –
The town we once walked together is changing, no longer fitting our needs.
The café I told you the truth burned down a week ago, last Tuesday,
And without it the square resembles the doomsday
But only a tiny bit. The rest is plastic and still looks fine.
I’d assume you could still find a nice place there to take her and dine.
Ah, the reality bites harshly, yet the imagination tortures my pride –
What the hell happened? Why did I run? Why did you hide?
It’s not fair of me to put our past ahead of the future you’re planning.
However, I can’t rest in peace with all the verities you’re banning
From your new found realities. These past years have done enough damage –
Of course, would be ironic if we for once decided to salvage
Something that’s sacred and close. Can we even manage?
Loving you still is such a disadvantage.
Ravage. Baggage.
Nothing good ever comes out of two vanished souls trying to escape, to banish
Until we tarnish
When all we really needed was a bandage.
-JW
The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright 