The Last Moments of Being in Love

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We’re the personification of a thunderstorm after a heated summer day.

Relief is entangled in fresh air. The daisies in my cheeks are longing for rain.

As soon as the first droplets hit the chalky ground, a lightning strikes.

With the weight of my love I push you up a hill, disturbing the butterflies.

We’re the embodiment of warm July evenings turning chilly in the blink of an eye.

Fruit trees are tired from reaching for sun-kisses. The earth is bone dry.

When the thunder rumbles over the lonely fields, you’re carrying me deeper into the twilight zone –

Might as well run through the dark, the rain is so heavy it feels as if we have blinders on.

We’re the epitome of the golden hour paused by some biting wind.

The chimes are rocking back and forth, calling me saint right after I’ve sinned.

Rosy sky trickles down so quick, burns our skins aimlessly, like a pint of lava.

But we’re taken by the touch, we don’t see it.

When they’re asking which vices to erase, we both whisper “nada”.

-JW

April

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Whenever April comes around, I have this need to sleep by an open window.

The air is so heated and charged, I can’t brush it off. I need to feel the wind blow.

The fire in my bones is harsh to my body, I want the power to go out with a bang.

Whenever April comes around, another lover becomes a treat to my hungry fangs.

I’ve been dying of thirst for a cool spring breeze since I was bitterly seventeen.

No psychic wise enough, no fortune teller prosperous enough to crack my spleen –

But maybe a genie in the bottom of the bottle will tell another revolting story.

I wish I could stand up a little bit taller instead of being sorry.

We’re a dying breed, and we’re choking on antimony.

Whenever April comes, my insides throw a funeral – and I’m leading the ceremony.

-JW

Trigger

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No longer noticing airplanes over your house, it’s lonely these days.

The sky is empty. Only two pink clouds and a few lost sunrays.

Used to imagine that planes were stars guarding your thoughts.

Wished on a shooting hope but it didn’t work.

Horizon is covered in blank spots. A goddamn mirage.

The view out of my window seemed picturesque back then.

For a stranger passing it looked like a dollhouse, time and again.

Now the walls are too pale and the dust settles on my skin.

I’m pulling my hand away from the trigger so often –

Not often enough, much to my own chagrin.

The sunset feels Photoshopped, and I don’t know what to say.

For the first time I wanted to take your hand, I wanted to stay.

Now my foolish body is filled with butterflies with nowhere to run.

We might not have the stars or the airplanes, and screw that –

I really wish that I’m still the only one.

-JW

Quitting

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They say: “I wish you truly saw yourself and your worth.”

And no matter how I swear that I do, they remain deaf

When I respond – I’m not self-conscious, I’m just bored,

They say: “I wish you weren’t a perfectionist, that’s so destructive.”

Not a single day they’ve chased anything they believed in

But they’re teaching me how to be productive?

They say: “I have this big dream, brighter than yours, and I’ll make it work.”

No backbone, no life lessons, no time for my small successes.

But they’re always surprised that I listen to them with an obvious smirk.

They say: “I don’t have time right now but when I do, I’ll force myself back into your life as if your universe revolves around me. Doesn’t it? Please make time, not excuses.”

I was patiently waiting for the right time to speak up but no more.

There’s no friend in someone whose ego depends on digging open your bruises.

There’s no friend in someone who doesn’t hear when you refuse,

There’s no friend in someone who only abuses

When the time is right, when it’s perfectly fitting…

For months now I’ve been dreaming about quitting,

And I promised I won’t take up dreams without fully committing

So here we go.

-JW

Spineless

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Something in my glass tastes like misery and I wonder –

Maybe the green colored glasses have gotten under my skin.

All the lights are emerald, and maybe I’m the one you wanted?

Maybe I’m the missing safety pin?

***

Promises are cheap, betrayal is priceless –

Honey, I’ll never sell the stab wounds in my back.

(Ironic, of course, they came from someone who’s spineless.)

But my love for you was low-cost so I burned the almanac.

-JW

Fine

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Picking up the pieces after I exploded with rage wasn’t the hardest part.

It was more difficult to promise I’ll love you till death do us part.

I wouldn’t promise my endless, undying devotion to anyone, rest assured,

But you bent my neck so sharply I couldn’t breathe, and I felt cured.

Sewing my severed pieces together from scratch wasn’t annoying.

Boys will be boys; and it happened to be me, entering in the midst of them toying.

I wouldn’t forgive the scars on my pale, cold skin, yet I would forgive you –

It just seems better when he’s the one who harms, and also the one you screw.

Stitching my freshly spilled brain together from the bathroom walls is fine.

How come he was so patient? I had one drink too many. Or maybe nine?

I wouldn’t be alive today if he didn’t give me that steady push with a fist.

As soon as I saw red in my hair I knew I’ve made it into the naughty list.

It’s fine. Really, it’s fine. I’ll take the risk.

-JW

619

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Mad at my friends, in love with the freedom.

Fallen deep into the eyes of a beautiful weirdo.

But maybe we’re strangers now? Maybe it’s equal?

The lust, the loathing… And now we’re at zero?

We dance two steps back, one inch forward.

My family calls but I can’t come over.

Too busy figuring out the difference between love and disorder.

Truth rains in drops but it feels like a shower.

-JW

Tinseltown

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A-listers with bleached morals and dead eyes –

They munch on diamonds while I’m forced to eat led pies.

Lies. Sabotage. Saying I’m a carbon copy.

The next I know – he wants to make me into a trophy.

Is this the place losers are produced and turned into stars?

The slower they age, the faster they drive their cars.

Fake condolences mixed with beauty tips from the rotten.

Everyone without a dollar to their name trying to get their shot in.

“Hollywood infected your brain,” Marina sang in the rain.

It also spread through the bodies of many, even the sane.

But tinsels don’t cast a reflection in the darkest place.

Fabricated ideals remain untrue, even if manufactured in lace.

JW

The Last Of My Standards

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A spritz of the spring touched my heated thoughts today.

A spur of the moment decision. I’m fleeing this town.

Tell your brother I said “hey”.

This weather brings back the skeletons I’d rather keep burnt.

The sweater I’m wearing can’t hold my self-pity again.

God, pass me another urn.

No space left to dig a grave for the next obsession gone awry.

No scales grand enough to weigh my remorse.

This won’t end alright.

These warm spring evenings are stealing the last of my standards.

The swarm of wasps filled with toxic love promises awake,

I’m gulping them down just like salamanders.

-JW

August Days

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Finger painting my own reflection, deflecting.

A voice is calling me but I find it vexing.

Palms covered in sparkles as temperature raises.

I’ve survived burns, I’ve survived blazes

But somehow this moment pierces my skin.

Do I fit the box that they put me in?

Colors on colors pour down my neck, down my back.

When I turn to look, it’s once again painted black.

Cryptic signs appear in the mirrors as I lay dying…

I’ll never get the picture just right, there’s no denying.

JW