Tag: dealing with loss

Deleted

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Flora Westbrook from Pexels

I never felt safe while falling for you,

The fumes kept poisoning my lungs.

But I’ve found safety in your love

While the rest of the world

Is speaking in tongues.

I never felt cherished being by your side.

The darkness you cast broke me down –

Yet I felt lonely without your devotion

So I dropped my sword

And picked up your crown.

I never counted to seven before jumping

But I stepped on the ledge, eyes shut.

We’ve found something bigger than a moment.

Let me kneel on the ledge,

Let me delete all the rut.

-JW

Static

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Flora Westbrook from Pexels

I’m taking back what I gave you,

I’m breaking my own fingers

Because I betrayed you.

The cuffs on my wrists dig into skin,

The chain on my neck lingers

And my head’s made of tin.

You’re looking through the screen, ecstatic,

You’re laughter falls flat on deaf ears.

All I hear is static.

There’s something evil in your grin,

There’s a melody I find dear…

It’s just me against your eyes

And I can’t win.

-JW

New Love

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Bianca Salgado from Pexels

I’m waiting for the authors to take me out, to save me

Before I drive too far down the road of undeserved misery,

Before they can blame me.

I kick the walls but the anger doesn’t help my chances

Of getting out alive, before my heart rots too far

Numbing all romances.

I cut open the pillows, I paint over the gilded walls

With cheap crayons and lipstick, with blood

As screams echo in halls.

I’m pleading with whoever wrote it to stop this

But the fog keeps entering through cracks in the window

And I’m inhaling hubris.

I dig my nails into the freezing skin and I wait, wait…

With the sound of the door unlocking comes my dead end,

New love emerges from all the hate.

-JW

Forbidden

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Lisa Fotios from Pexels

Put your hand on my chest,

Dance with me through the waves

And listen to how my skin sheds

From the agony of your flames.

Put your hand on my ribs,

Feel how they greet you with ease

Don’t pull away, don’t make any bids

To crown me the queen of peace.

Put your hand on my chin,

Shake out the shadows of shame

But don’t let my hot breath win

Unless you’re okay to be tamed.

Put your hand on my lips,

Pull it away with fright.

Touch my skin where it rips

In this cold, forbidden night.

-JW

Near

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Ruslan Alekso from Pexels

We saw each other after months of mourning and poorly hidden pain.

It was never the same but it tasted even better out there in the rain.

You’re the addiction I can’t get over, and I’m making you obsessed.

Perhaps this path we’re going down is only a way we confess?

I don’t mind being honest around you but the parties involved don’t agree.

The distress I hid to make them like you is a treason in first degree.

And I still want you so tear me apart with all the dull insults and fear.

They reach for me and they beg me to stop,

But I don’t hear when you’re near.

-JW

Future Regret

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Ian Panelo from Pexels

He takes a step closer and puts his arm on my waist.

“All the time I’ve spent with you is truly a waste.”

He wraps around my thighs unleashing butterflies.

“Each time I sink into your eyes, another dream dies.”

He presses his nails into my chest and I must confess.

“I was forced into this narrative, don’t yell or call the press.”

He takes a step back and I fall on my knees, out of breath.

“All this time I thought it was love,

Turns out it was future regret.”

-JW

Blueish

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Lucas Pezeta from Pexels

You’re there when I look at silver cars and bright ads

Covering the walls as I walk home missing you

And it makes me mad.

You’re there when strangers walk behind me in the dark –

Their shadow blends with mine but it fades

And I curse out this farce.

You’re there when I cry on the floor in my kitchen

As the cold seeps through my blueish skin

And I wish these words were never written.

You’re still there when I glance at empty windows.

They reflect my fragile frame, and it’s clear –

The hunger is once again taking me wherever the wind blows.

-JW

Two Morbid Nightmares

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Maria Eduarda Tavares from Pexels

I watched you die last night in my sleep. I wept “take me instead”.

No one seemed to notice the tragedy –

You lying still in your bed.

The covers where mint green and your hands were so cold.

I held onto your pale paper skin for too long,

Exploring it fold by fold.

The sound of my screams awakened me at 5AM this morning.

I hope you’re okay, I don’t do well

With flowers and mourning.

I watched myself die in my sleep two nights back, I was at ease

Because you were the last thing I dreamt of

Before I went to sleep.

What a miserable truth, what a miserably romanticized existence –

Dying is the easiest part,

But it gets difficult when we have to face the distance.

-JW

Cheap Misanthropies

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Jayant Kulkarni from Pexels

It’s OK, break the last hope in me and don’t hesitate.

Don’t you feel sorry for trying so hard to emulate?

It won’t be simple to live with this heart and this desire

But for five years in a row you have asked for it,

You’re the one to aspire.

It’s alright, take my friends and borrow my trophies.

Turn my beliefs into blow or cheap misanthropies.

If you ask one day – why does life hurt all of a sudden?

Don’t be afraid, put my body in dirt, sink it in a puddle.

It won’t help your struggle

But…

It’s fine, peel my skin off and read my diaries through.

My unexpected exit isn’t the reason I’m feeling so blue.

The crowds are wearing my liveliness over their shoulders,

Expecting to gain the power of a hundred soulful soldiers.

That’s what’s shaking my coffin, making me older

But what’s living without a little after-life odor?

One day we’ll mold the ones that were always the scolders.

-JW

Enterlude

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric from Pexels

Inscrutable gazes thrown at me from the empty corners.

This town has lost all shame, it’s gauging and devouring the mourners.

I sense a pair of evil peepers landing on my stripped emotions –

And the looks on their faces bite, but their sentences chew me up, these fake devotions…

A while back I would’ve sworn on my dignity to never let them get to you

But you left without saying goodbye, with her by your side, and I’m out of honor to prove.

No country far enough, my trail of betrayal will forever loiter around.

However, I have to flee the scene of the crime, time is an impatient hound.

Way back I heard someone mentioning the neon sins at a city behind the desert,

Three seas apart from this town, just far enough for me to run in black army boots and a nightshirt.

That’s where I’m going, no unnecessary looks over the shoulder, no farewells left for friends –

And why would I warn them? They’re the reason I have to fend,

No time left to make amends.

-JW