Tag: confidence

Intrusions

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Mascara running into my dark circles, charcoal.

Under my foggy soul there is an equidistant hole

To a different part of the path I’ve taken in past

Wishing that temporary things were meant to last,

And I was a different person when I promised

To play it safe when times become too honest.

Not a bitter tear of regret running down my cheeks

Because fear is how lion seeks out the hurt and weak.

Who knew I was never broken, it was an illusion –

A million little moments aligned, masked as intrusions.

I’m crying unflattering drops in a loose tank top

Hoping our daughters don’t have to run in a hamster wheel

Of beauty standards that flop

Faster than they can be stopped.

-JW

Amateur

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“She looks like a porcelain doll thrown on the floor, then glued together.

Beauty might be timeless but the cracks are visible, pressed deep into the leather.”

Sure, I’ll be by her side when another piece falls out and she’s unable to cope –

But it’s not me she needs. It’s a realization that only she can slow the downwards slope.

Another sour lover or back-alley deal won’t make her understand, no way.

Who am I to judge how she hangs in there by the very last thread, I’m no saint.

All I can do is tell her that no one notices the porcelain shattered inside of her.

“The cracks might even be imagined,” I say. And she plays along.

What an amateur.

-JW

The Circle Game

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Oh, be careful reflecting your self-worth on me.

One second you’re editing me, the next you’re neck-deep, drowning in hate for yourself,

You no longer have the sense or the means to not be self-destructive,

and visibly

There’s something that needs to be reattached to your ego, but you’re sitting on your ice shelf.

Cold. Eager to watch me cramping in frozen waters.

I won’t though. You’re riding the high horse,

Sipping on insecurities which only makes it sadder,

Pretending I had it bad, but you’ve got it worse.

Be careful reflecting your self-worth on me.

I don’t appear in mirrored reflections of superficial surfaces,

and visibly

You’re upset I didn’t wait for you while the selfishness passes.

But I don’t write my poems for you. I write them for the masses.

-JW

Why You Don’t Love Me

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I’m not the most sincere, yet I’m clearly the most honest.

When it comes to my sharp tongue, it won’t keep a sweet promise.

I’m a good liar, and everyone hates people like that –

“Come on, at least pretend you suck, pretend you’re wearing the joker’s hat.”

I don’t trust people who can hurt me, but they do trust me.

It’s a curse. Yet – you’re trying to push me to wear my heart on my sleeve.

I will never let a person so close they can compromise my existence,

And you hate it the most – as we’re always going to have some distance

Between us, something like a lump you cannot swallow or spit out,

Of things that I shouldn’t speak, but for some reason – you can’t live without…

Knowing. Why do you have to know?

Why do you have to learn my meaning

As if I was a faulty definition in the dictionary and not a single editor

Got the time for re-reading.

But that’s not all. I speak up when I’m hurt, and I speak up for others, too.

I put myself in the harm’s way for people I barely know

Because that is what people who can take some hits do.

You hate that I can make friends because I’m not divisive,

My tone might be ironic but it’s not derisive.

I’m silly and I’m foolish, and I can take a fucking joke.

I can laugh about the fact that I’m overloaded, yet still this broke.

Until you can’t love me, I’m fine. This list is alive.

I’ve got some morals, standards and I will revive.

You not caring is the reason I survive.

-JW