People tell me I can’t blame them for yesterday’s sins.
When they dread me or behead me, I’m the one to call it in.
People ruin all I have built so they can get a lesson.
When they chose to burn me naked, I kept my old dress on.
People talk what they can’t learn but withhold the blame.
When I beg for decency, they claim we’re all the same.
People crush our dreams with dirt but see, nobody wins.
When the guts go down the sink, we cut our lips on rims.
-JW
What do you expect me to say? There’s nothing left.
It’s so quiet you can hear a pin drop, or a heart stop.
All the exits guide to the left.
Was there any fresh love between the two of us anyway?
Maybe we left it to rot for too long and forgot,
And decided to give it another day.
Is there a nice way to say “thank you for letting me down”?
I hope you don’t overreact when I lose my selfless act
And start selling the love in pounds.
Why are you always so quick on your feet to chase self-pity?
The night I went silent the first time, you became the mime
And I ran towards the city.
…I should’ve known when you came back, it felt annoyingly iffy.
Tonight I’m shaking you out in beams like a fever dream.
I’m free and I’m claiming this neon city.
I’m turning my kisses into hickeys.
-JW
And I can’t spill ink on this page with all the pressure on my chest,
All the well-meaning souls yelling, knowing – it’s not for the best.
I can’t speak up when you only taught me how to be silent as a grave.
No second chance left for those who stab you to death
Claiming they’re trying to save –
Save what exactly, what are you protecting here?
The sound of your cruel intentions is unbearable to hear.
And I can’t waste time spilling ink for those who spilled their guts,
Re-imagining trauma, stealing my pain and romanticizing the cuts.
You can claim you’re also struggling but how does it make it better?
Analyzing my mind as if it’s yours, giving me a straitjacket,
Calling it a wool sweater.
How could you even assume I’m going to take that beating?
You were slamming my warmth but your soul has no central heating.
Don’t be mistaken, if I ever need someone to help me with the climb
I’m going to choose my own two feet over your cold shoulder
Every single time.
-JW
Help me sober up from the puddle of mud I chugged for you.
We’re not operating at the same frequency but it still rings true –
I cannot concentrate when your foolish mind runs around mine,
It sprints in circles, and I’m outrun, acting as if it’s fine.
No one’s giving a helping hand when I’m down and that’s normal.
I begged you not to cut my wrists and you asked to keep it formal.
One inch from the finish line is where I realized my painful mistake –
I didn’t let your cast iron heart drown in sea, I thought it was a fake.
You’ve been exquisite at making the darkest sides of the moon disappear,
And I’ve kept my guard up, kept the bridges burned and coast clear.
Somehow the mud in my stomach is making my heels unsteady,
And maybe we’re not on the same wave-length but to let you go –
I don’t feel ready.
But if you still have some love in stock, I won’t take any.
I’m not your lucky penny.
Not again.
I won’t take any.
And my bloodline charged me with arson
Even though I simply lit one spark.
They tried me for treason – no particular reason,
They didn’t want me to leave a mark.
“Let the witches burn, don’t fight it,” I say,
“Let them scream, let’s imagine it’s all realer than real.”
I embrace how they turn the narrative to betray.
One can boil blood but can’t melt steel.
With this low gaslight temperature
They’re ruining the play.
I’m not here to stay.
-JW
My promises are as cheap as my perfume
But, love, I paid for it with my pride
So don’t stick it up my nose, let doom be doom.
…I’ll meet you on the other side
Without your backstabbing smile.
My hopes are as low as my décolletage cuts
And don’t try to convince me that it’s too much
Because two-faced boys dance where everything rots.
I’d suggest we never keep in touch.
I wasn’t the joke but you treated me as such.
My past is as vivid as my lipstick stains
So don’t play with the devil to ease your pain,
Don’t suck me dry just to fill up your veins.
Take your ego down the shallowest of drains –
Or keep your distance, stay in your lane.
-JW
The arcades across the street are tempting my senses.
You are holding my hand, asking not to leave,
Counting expenses.
Casinos all across the strip losing power at your sight.
There and then I drop the cigarette and know –
This is a holy rite.
Balancing the sadness and joy between coins dropping.
Burned out fiction worlds crumbling around me,
Expectations flopping.
My best bet is still you but the dices keep rolling.
Flush is not good enough and I know I’m done,
Even without polling.
Sometimes an overheard victory is a lose-lose game.
I kick open the door and sigh.
Took all the riches home tonight but – why?
All that remains is the absence of you and shame.
-JW
The thief inside of me has fallen for the undercover cop.
Each time I reach for the ledge I feel my stomach drop.
Now I question your intentions, were they withered all along?
If I only knew earlier – too many rights make a wrong.
It seems like you’ve thrown out my voice for the people to rip apart.
The brown eyes to kill for have turned my story foggy
And taken a butcher knife to the heart.
-JW
Inscrutable gazes thrown at me from the empty corners.
This town has lost all shame, it’s gauging and devouring the mourners.
I sense a pair of evil peepers landing on my stripped emotions –
And the looks on their faces bite, but their sentences chew me up, these fake devotions…
A while back I would’ve sworn on my dignity to never let them get to you
But you left without saying goodbye, with her by your side, and I’m out of honor to prove.
No country far enough, my trail of betrayal will forever loiter around.
However, I have to flee the scene of the crime, time is an impatient hound.
Way back I heard someone mentioning the neon sins at a city behind the desert,
Three seas apart from this town, just far enough for me to run in black army boots and a nightshirt.
That’s where I’m going, no unnecessary looks over the shoulder, no farewells left for friends –
And why would I warn them? They’re the reason I have to fend,
No time left to make amends.
-JW
Something in my glass tastes like misery and I wonder –
Maybe the green colored glasses have gotten under my skin.
All the lights are emerald, and maybe I’m the one you wanted?
Maybe I’m the missing safety pin?
***
Promises are cheap, betrayal is priceless –
Honey, I’ll never sell the stab wounds in my back.
(Ironic, of course, they came from someone who’s spineless.)
But my love for you was low-cost so I burned the almanac.
-JW
The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright 