Ten Small Town Commandments For Growing Up Convenient

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“Praise the leaders that weren’t a prey in somebody else’s tale,

Pray for the ladies who never made it out when society failed –

But that’s all you should do, just pray, keep your head down.

For God’s sake, don’t write this down, respect this (filthy) town!

And wasn’t it your mother who started this riot, you legal deviancy?

Look ahead, we’re going to pair you with someone we truly fancy.

Don’t mind the rebels screaming for freedom, it’s a charming farce.

You’ve written too many fantasy tales already, where’s the nurse?

See, lonely ladies like you are going straight to the judgement hearse.

Listen! Be natural, be enough, and don’t be a goddamn curse.”

-JW

Introduction To An Unreliable Narrator

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Did I promise to tell you the truth with all these lines

Or did I promise to lie until each of them rhymes?

I can’t hold an honest conversation about my pain

Not thinking it’s a competition that consumes my brain.

Yes, I’m sick, swallowed by the system and chewed up,

Looking like a normal product of society, maybe, somewhat.

My left foot chained to a curling iron thinning it out,

My right arm drained of its blood by panic and yesterday’s doubt.

But you might pass me in the street wondering how I’m so well –

And truthfully, no one but me could really tell

How a mess of a human presents that well on the front page

Or the Facebook feed of another lover I blocked with rage…

Did I promise to tell you the truth with these lines

Or did I promise to lie until each of them rhymes?

Whatever you heard – must be worth all the energy to get this far,

And if you believe that I’m being honest, you might have a heart.

-JW

Sick Leave

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Killing my every spare moment with buzz and with noise.

Made it thus far without booze spilling on my records of choice.

Ears bleeding from sound attacking my senses like thirsty wolves

But I’ve only made it this far through thoughts that dissolve.

Spreading my hopes on bread without guilt to eat them all up.

My last week’s happy face on the streets was a cover up

And my covers are tinted with deep blue undertones, if you noticed.

When death and I finally waltz, I might even get a bonus.

They call my eyes playful but painfully so, if that’s a hint.

The chaos behind those greyish stones could use a lighter tint.

A true artist never unveils tricks or techniques but I oppose –

When graveyard goes for the flash button, I strike a pose.

With each coming second the buzz will become a craftier thieve.

You’ll ignore these lines while I apply for another sick leave.

-JW

Mint

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Peppermint leaves melting ice cubes with their vital scent.

I’m crushing your heart being nice while you’re smoking a Kent.

The window is calling my skeleton nightly, like it’s for rent.

“Take a step back, friend, and use one more day to make amends.”

The cold water is squeaking my name and I must yell back.

Listened to seven records today, ditched the blame and finished the track.

Still – I can’t sleep, the pain my brain vomits paints it all black

But I promised to stay. Demons entered my soul. What a heart attack…

Does everyone else feel this haunted just for breathing aloud?

Is it a split between those who I trust and us, stormy clouds?

I’d help every stranger I meet, if my mind said that it’s allowed.

My words can’t melt you away but they can circle and crowd

Until I’m up that hill, ditching your cigarette smell and my doubt.

I’ll get to the promised land first. I’ll get to the thought drought.

-JW

Wager

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Building oceans out of used duct tape rolls,

Hiding the motions while it’s taking a toll –

The chemistry’s fake and we’re caught blinded.

Five years ago I thought we’re like-minded.

But people change morals and wind changes heart.

I chose to go silent and you chose to go dark.

Won’t call you arch nemesis or even a stranger,

Yet the money I put on you –

I’d never again repeat that wager.

-JW

Speaking in Tongues

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Don’t waste my time, I know how to do it on my own.

The tears dry by turning to ice while they call me Joan.

I might be a heroine but not yet a saint, don’t lean on this loan.

Sky stinks of pastels and my soul evaporates into acetone.

Birds outside of my window are shooting for the pale moon.

Hours passing by, promising that I can leave this place soon.

The destiny is dragging out my breaths to the ancient runes.

I don’t mind theatrics but this murder feels like a honeymoon.

The further down the road, the more absurd it all becomes.

So much time to spend, yet we have to follow the beat of the drums?

Let me scream into the world’s pillow while everyone hums.

So much time to waste, so many lively lungs but it seems –

No one is noticing the swords and the guns.

Am I speaking in tongues?

-JW

Father’s Day

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Youth leaning over the half-built walls is not that upsetting but don’t turn away.

If you grew up when metal curtains were burning, there’s debt you need to re-pay.

You’ve been the dead horse beating back for far too long, and we’re not playing.

If you don’t want to listen to your children one bit, please know:

For this party you’re stuck in – we’re not paying.

I learned a thing or two from my daddy on smiling while playing deadly or dirty.

The lessons pour out of me as I’m wiser, they won’t stop until I’m far in my thirties.

Makes me wonder – what was it in him that made so many lost souls scared to death?

But then I remember how horrified I was when for a second he was my only safety net.

No backstabbing or second thoughts in that mind, only going straight for the kill.

So if I could see through his petty lies, don’t hold me back and ask me to shut up

Until the very moment my heart is perfectly still.

Let the youth lean on the same fences you’ve been holding up for many seasons.

Let the youth learn how they were props that you only kept in place by threatening

To charge every challenger for treason.

-JW

Travelling Show

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Quite tragic what happened when I dropped you and left.

I turned away dramatically while holding your spine

Like a cigarette.

At least that’s what you’re telling them, that’s how I know

That when I left, you made me into an amusement park,

Into a travelling show.

Not a circus, just a bare stage and bad storytelling.

I can tell you lie because your tongue is sour from spite

And it’s rapidly swelling.

It hurts to re-run the memories, to think about how I quit.

You were extremely vile but I wasn’t scared – so go,

Take away your friendship that’s counterfeit.

-JW

Fresh As A Daydream

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It’s one of those days. Someone breaks the news, the news break my bones.

Simple, logical. I’m lost in time and space. I’m freeing the dusty thrones.

Marching around the room aimlessly, memories bursting by my teary eyes,

Light speed is nothing compared to the rush of these thoughts, these lies.

I’m deep in self-pity and misery, angry at the destiny that cost me the sky.

Why do I only believe that there’s a god when I’m high on the cupid’s supply?

Then my song comes on. It crumbles. The reality reappears fresh as a daydream.

I start remembering all the parts you didn’t own, how I was always the A-team.

And the freedom sets me jumping up and down, flying down a flight of stairs.

My father used to say that goodbyes are only bitter if the opponent fought fair.

All life spent running from demons – maybe this is the one I beat facing him directly?

Maybe you were the one wicked curse not going in for the kill,

Maybe you shot to protect me?

-JW

Blood Is (Not) Thicker

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As cold as these memories are, I’ll try torching them nonetheless.

The rose tattoo on my shoulder is freezing, the shakes are becoming effortless.

The marrow in the bones is long gone, my hunger doesn’t stand a chance.

And I’m sorry that I’m so damn spoiled – I tried to warn you in advance.

I see troops marching with the machines, gathering their accolades.

My tongue – twisting in an endless loop, seeking words to dull the blades.

It is never easy to lose the one you looked for to a petty act of vengeance.

Why in our twenties we’re acting like we owe respect to ancestors

And also – descendants?

It’s good to have pride but how much honor can each generation carry?

Every step hurts the parents, every misstep – kids; cheeks burning redder than sweetest cherries.

As scary as it is to leave the past behind and future ahead, I will take my chances.

Surviving from second to second, trusting my mind, not my blood-addicted senses.

-JW