Category: Jackie’s diaries

She Was A Friend Of Mine Too // Sam

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“There are bodies buried wherever you walk.”

He took me out for a ride, hoping I won’t talk.

We listened to The Smiths and he confessed,

He dumped her by the ocean

When charges were pressed.

“There’s an innocence in you I have admired.”

You’re known for jealousy and not being desired

By someone who didn’t mean to make it sting

But you took it too far again,

Let the instincts sing.

“There are shadows hanging over me we can’t fix.”

Stop praying, boy, you knew the price and took the risk.

Now it’s nothing but a memory dragging you down,

And she was a friend of mine too.

I’ll let it be known.

“There’s a chance you might want to keep this silent.”

He turned and I worried that this chat will get violent.

A single piece of paper in his hand, a short story

Describing how I’d like to push Jen

Out of the tenth storey.

We argued, she begged me to stay

But I was furious and weary.

I ran off and wrote down my anger,

Brutal, gruesome and eerie.

I’m so sorry.

“There are bodies buried wherever you walk.”

He took me out for a ride, knowing I won’t talk.

-JW

Not A Confession // Don

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My guilt’s not proven, please don’t call me a sinner.

I was holding her hair while the lights grew dimmer.

It was unexpected and out of the blue but she asked

Whether I would like to make her heart run fast.

This is not a confession, you won’t understand

How it felt different when we lied by the sand.

Her fingers were shaky, her thoughts were so far –

You won’t get it… But I knew she’s found another, a new start.

Please stop yelling, you can’t interrogate me without proof!

Once again – when I saw her that day, I was aloof,

Mild-mannered, not furious at all, I let her slide

Deep into the lips of another lover

She couldn’t hide.

I’ve got to go, there’s no point if this is a frame-up.

Jealousy’s stupid, not at all what I’m made of!

Her shirt smelled like sandalwood that day, no surprises,

You can’t escape hot water you boil yourself in

And then cry when it rises.

Don’t worry, I’ll show myself out of this place.

Most murders like this never bring forward a case.

Yes, I’ll be awaiting a call from you but take precautions –

My baby lost her breath but I’m the one left dealing

With phantoms and lawyers.

Be cautious, Sir, be cautious.

-JW

Your Last Chance // Natalie

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You can drive faster but you can’t run over the guilt.

The trust we built turned into lust, easily killed

By another boy seeing loyalty as the perfect gilt

Despite bodies decomposing, pale and well chilled.

You can scream louder but you can’t avoid the noise.

Can’t hear the radio or your mother’s tired voice.

I knew you’ve tried to drown this pain with the boys.

Your prey becomes the hunter that only love destroys.

There’s my humming in your head that will never leave,

A sharp, moonlit fantasy of how you’ll never be free.

You promised the night you pulled me too close to heave

That you’ll treat her better than me.

But then you saw Jenny

And forgot about poor Natalie.

Both are now haunting you in your sleep.

-JW

Breathtaking // Jen

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The TV’s too loud and the candles burn too faintly.

I’ll go with you if you’re ready to mouth “just take me”.

Everything’s wrong since I’ve been seeing you less.

I daydream about giving you another shot

In a short, yellow dress.

The palm of my hand rests on your shoulders with ease.

Road passes by as your wild eyes are fixed on my knees.

There’s a secret in the air and I’ve never seen you like this,

And you take one long look at my face

When I lean in for a kiss.

The midnight is lit by thousands of celestial chandeliers.

We walk towards the waves as I wipe away my tears.

I grab your hand with a smile and you hold my neck,

And you don’t let go until you’re convinced that

You’ve taken my breath.

You tie a blanket around my waist with shaking palms.

In your head – a billion excuses chanting: “We meant no harm!”

As my limp body leaves the promenade, you’re pouring sweat.

Then – just silence and the engine of your car

Humming the song of regret.

-JW

Hour X

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The forest leans on my sprained ankles and rusty knuckles.

The trees breathe my scared heartbeats. I’m another medal

In their belt buckle.

Dark branches hit my scalp and I’m struggling to see,

Each leaf is a mystery man waiting for my red, restless heart

To burst and bleed.

Fog is covering my shoulders like a breath-taking blanket.

Each step on the moss is a step closer to the ceremony

Of my funeral banquet.

There are men screaming from the roots of these trees, they chuckle.

I turn around in time to see the forest forming a circle around me.

They bow as I ruckle.

-JW

Miss Neon Light

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The design is perfect but something is leaning off-centre,

Nobody seems to care, they keep preaching so gentle.

I just want to hold your hand one last time, before it goes.

Many elbows in my back pushing towards the midnight show.

Can I cry on the stage and make everyone oblivious

To how I’m barely hanging in there by my resilience?

Will the weight be lifted or will it never let me exhale?

Is this a nightmare turned into a Hollywood fairytale?

My eyes shoot every scene but I can’t make them focus

As I drift away to neon lit graveyards and locals.

The pattern is flawless but the story still sounds offbeat.

No one seems to notice until you’re the one burning alive

While they’re escaping the heat.

-JW

The Emptiness

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I’m looking for the thing that will make me feel hopeful –

I don’t need a lot, don’t need the social or the noble.

Some thrown out fantasies will keep me grounded

Because nothing satisfies the thirst, it can’t be rounded.

Don’t tell me to pray or to call my ancestors –

I’ve seen enough circus acts where kings play the jesters,

And I don’t get along with anyone who I should prefer

Because spirit lifts higher than blood, mark my words.

“Don’t throw away the guard

For someone you should adore.”

We’re all petty cheaters playing this over and over,

And we don’t get over it because we weren’t offered a shoulder.

Seeing these games rolling doesn’t make me more hopeful

But I’m not looking for locals, for social, for something noble.

I’m seeking that one thing that makes it all make sense

But I’m scared it was always just over the next broken fence,

Something taken away by a coincidence.

-JW

No Light

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Red lollipop between her pale blue cheeks,

She’s not taking any prisoners today.

Second-hand bag and third rate heels.

Her mother’s hips and dad’s ashtray.

She stands tall by the neon but feels so small.

Parents never lifted her up very high.

Never her father’s princess of the ball,

Always the first to get a black eye.

With so much fake light, it’s hard to see stars

But she squints each night to catch one.

When the scenery turns into cold iron bars,

She’s off in another car,

Pretending to chase a mock sun.

-JW

Through My Thunders

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Wish I could encapsulate you standing there in your Rolling Stones t-shirt.

When I look at you in dim mornings, I’m glad I never became a preacher.

But you’re still sacred, even though god and I – we’re done with discussions.

It’s a warzone driven by blackmail and terror because I dared to ask questions.

Wish there was a way to absorb you with my skin, wish touch wasn’t the limit.

There’s no surprise that the way you shine is mistaken for a cheap gimmick.

But you’re still worthy, even if banks have banned my face for the third time.

I walk the road covered in bankruptcies and negotiations of whether you’re a crime.

Wish someone could cure you of the spell that’s making you act this brave.

Whenever the rest is giving up, you come up with ways to nurture and save.

But you’re still dirty, covered in untreated calluses from yesterday’s wonders.

It’s a path designed by the rich or the lunatics to survive through your thunders,

But I’ll pull through. We’ll cross out the days and forget the numbers.

-JW

She Fights Back

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The rumors are true, my angels are laying with the demons this evening.

The good, the bad and the morally corrupt thoughts have lost meaning,

And I’m watching the clouds dance with a storm raising in my rib cage –

Will I stay alive if I choose to wipe the record clean and turn the next page?

Or will I repeat hell’s second circle, mixing trust with an appetite for lust?

The eleventh commandment said “In desperate times, do as you must.”

I’m watching the sky unravel the knots in my stomach by keeping a promise

To always keep me safe, as long as the pain in my chest still feels honest.

Red reflections surround my sun while it’s setting for reasons unknown.

Too soon to give up my ironclad ego, too late to go back to my tombstone.

And I let the rumors in, and I stand in front of my angels and demons tonight.

This is it. All the shame weighing me down can either win or make itself light.

She fights back. The sky is gazing back in affright.

-JW