These long eclipse hours I waste daydreaming about what could have been,
They weigh heavily on what is left of my heart,
Then erase my good deeds to replace them with sins.
I long for a place under this pitch-black sky but all I see are scarlet warnings.
Loose memories float right in front of my face,
And I can only hope I get to see the next morning.
No, it was not always like this – I still remember how I used to greet the sun.
Every puzzle piece of my virtues broke into shards,
So, I told my loved ones to run.
Now I keep getting stuck in this endless feedback loop of spiraling emotions,
And nobody dares to call my name out loud
Because I turn sympathy into solid devotion.
Some nights I even enjoy watching the fear fill their eyes like maroon smoke.
I hate who I have become more than anything,
But I fantasize about choking out these old jokes.
These long eclipse hours I spend considering how I let myself bleed red,
They drag me by my ankles like balloons,
Then replace my gleeful smiles with torment and dread.
-Jackie
The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright 