Month: Jan 2021

Undecided

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Photo by Syed Hasan Mehdi from Pexels

It’s just another evening of me burying you in bejewelled falsities,

Dragging you down the rockiest paths, dusting you with faux niceties.

My moods swing and dance violently in circles, just like the Saturn rings,

But you’re patiently collecting my poisonous words even if it stings.

Will you stay when I’m needy, will you stay when I forget myself?

I’ve asked my reflection and she’s undecided, begging me to get help.

Yet you keep holding onto the sails when the winds hit our discounted ship,

When the glass flies all over the room, when the rim cuts your lip.

If my mind’s a cave, it’s the darkest one you’ll ever see in real life.

The rocks pierce your skin, you’ve been used to the impact for some time.

You carry me to the bed each evening despite my brain growling loud –

And it’s just another night of my anxieties losing more ground.

-JW

Between The Pileus Clouds Of Her Hometown

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Her auburn hair falls into my eyes, gets tangled up with my lashes –

But only in my sleep, only when I patch up the crimson slashes.

Her curls lay on the pillows and flow on the perfectly white duvet,

A memory I can barely remember, a memory drawn in clay.

The iridescent pileus clouds swim peacefully over her hometown –

I try my best to recall that this place was never our common ground.

We tried to make houses out of cardboard boxes and compulsive lies.

The walls didn’t stand the test of time, they collapsed after our highs.

My pillows have sharp teeth nowadays, they bite me with pure rage –

Yet I still wish on a falling star, beg for the love of my dying mage.

But she doesn’t hear my cries, no, she’s chosen to look away –

My feeble ego convulses, collecting the blowback in an ashtray.

There’s a blizzard outside and an ice storm rising in my very own chest –

Her sweet warmth feels too adjacent… I mustn’t surrender or ever rest.

Maybe the hunger will implode one day, maybe it will survive,

And we’ll keep reaching for one another to prove we’re barely alive.

-JW

Bad Augurs And Worse Tempers

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Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva from Pexels

Scratches on my door, figures by my bed,

White faces in the windowpane.

I know something horrid is approaching.

The stars blink wily as ghouls refrain.

Cuts appear all over my tired body,

They ooze, they burn like wildfire.

But I can’t leave this feeling alone

With its spooks, too dark and dire.

Even paper bruises my skin these days,

I smear the blood all over.

The void behind my forehead widens

Engulfing the room, bursting the controller.

Yet I stay with the rising discomfort,

The curtain is ready for the last show.        

The pure panic in my gaze spirals

As the mirror yells torturously:

“Virago!”

-JW

Three Churches

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The empty city echoes every step I take on the uphill street.

Not a person in sight, only my breath and the lantern heat.

The houses I’m passing are certainly begging for repairs

But saying I love these darker corners of my city any less

Wouldn’t be fair.

I pass three churches during my 6AM run each morning.

(The fourth I don’t count because it looks too boring.)

The first one has two huge towers and a devoted staff,

The third one sells dead flowers and tombstones

With pre-written epitaphs.

The second one hides shyly behind the trees in the park,

It’s so old that the silhouette alone scares me in the dark.

There’s a single light at the entrance, it violently flickers.

Each time I’m spooked by its presence, I swear –

Someone slightly snickers.

But nothing compares to the graveyard fostering ghostly candles.

Most wouldn’t feel at ease passing, even call me a vandal.

Yet I stare at it in the moonlight, I forget about the pain.

It’s only me and the unknown pleasures

Of losing the gathered blame.

The others keep rejecting these gloomy city corners as the paragon.

“Aren’t you afraid, isn’t it scary for you to carry on?”

However, the church bells keep ringing, vestiges call for me.

I’d sell my soul and yours, too,

For another morning of clarity.

-JW

Concrete Gods

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Photo by João Luccas Oliveira from Pexels

When nobody’s around, I sneak out to the forest to dance.

I greet every critter, I hold it in my trembling hands.

The moonlight pours its salvaging light over my arms,

It tingles my spine, releases all the pressure and harm.

So I waltz to the never-ending music of this greenery,

My bare thumbs touching every inch of the scenery.

The lines in my palms blossom like rare spring flowers

But they fade when the sky releases the sunlight showers.

I return to my shelter, re-entering my life more than sleepless,

Pretending to blend in with those walking around heatless.

When there are people around, I hide my muddy feet,

I secretly cross my fingers when admitting complete defeat.

Each afternoon we all bow to the same concrete gods,

Then go home and unwrap our faces from the phony gauze.

When they all go to sleep, I sneak into the forest to scream.

The soundwaves escaping my lips scorch the chartreuse leaves.

-JW

Why Are All The Clocks Broken?

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The time is dissolving slowly, melting like sugar in lukewarm water,

But the river flowing out of you is spoiled,

It’s saltier than the tears of your father.

The seconds dribble and form symmetrical frost flowers in the meadows –

A handful of daffodils with conspicuous crowns

And a single French rose.

You don’t acknowledge, you’re busy playing with the minutes falling,

They’re drenching you like rain in a hot summer,

You kneel to them as if they’re your calling.

The thirsty always forget to bring more drinking water to the deserts,

They rely on the streams appearing hourly as mirages,

They sweat and bleed through their T-shirts.

So it’s never said out loud that the art of time is rotten to the very core –

The clocks are rigged for the lucky ones,

They run twice as fast for the poor.

With faux unawareness we live on stolen time, on borrowed yesterdays

Which we pile up so overly confident

Until broken clocks set them ablaze.

The time is materializing fast, burning hotter than the Molotov cocktails.

But the fumes coming out of you are gelid,

Colder than a breeze in an icebreaker’s sails.

-JW

The Runner

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Sweat dripping down her chin as her warm breath vaporizes the winter air –

She’s the obnoxious type, insidious gaze and long tightly braided hair.

The smell of her floral deodorant is making me nauseous to the bone

So I watch her pass me from the onyx shadows, I want to get her alone.

She runs up the small hill and disappears for some time, have I lost her?

I’m fidgeting a cigarette bud between my fingers like an inept mobster.

Seven minutes pass and I hear her approaching the park again, I freeze.

A sigh of relief escapes my lips. I ready my fists to deal with this tease.

I’ve noticed her running by my windows ever since the last Christmas eve,

With her smouldering looks, with her black shoes, her heart of a thief.

It wasn’t attraction or passion, it was this beastlike, even primal desire

To choke her ashen, making the tip of her tongue burn with an ungodly fire.

So I wait where the streetlights can’t expose my pale complexion,

I shiver with anticipation as her feet cross the nearby intersection.

The closer her rhythmic steps come, the louder my right ear rings.

I even imagine someone finding her body when the first birds sing.

As she steps out of the light and into the poorly lit corner of the park

My arms reach for her shoulders – but there’s nobody in the dark.

Surprised I turn around, I spin like a lost child left alone in the mall.

Then I see it – right where the pathway emerges from the duskiness,

She stands staring, reminding me of a haunted doll.

I scream but no one hears my call.

-JW

The Key To LED Is Blue

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The mauve satin sky has fallen upon my borough

Giving all faces the anonymity of a John Doe.

We’re all in veils, we’re balancing on the rim.

We all move in vain, it’s muted, dull and dim.

The light we consume can be bought in store

And houses in my street have the same iron door.

Each night it seems there’s a stranger in my bed.

The illusion of normalcy is messing with my head.

I could swear – the sun’s made from diodes too.

Some keep chanting, “the key to LED is blue.”

Although it seems likely what’s inside remains real

They did replace my roses with stainless steel.

So I try to look closely at jasmines and maples –

The edges are fastened with invisible staples.

Translucent wires keep forcing me to smile

While my throat’s burning with curses and bile.

My pillow’s filled with pages of charred books,

There’s only normalcy, normalcy

Wherever I look.

-JW

Killing Friends

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The leaves were covered in frozen mist during that October sunrise,

Birds chirped their goodbyes through the glistening clouds

And there was this emptiness the beauty couldn’t suffice.

Chilly tombstones surrounded us both as far as the eye could see.

An unspoken promise and mystery arose in the silence

But your glance twitched in horror, not in glee.

“What does it take to kill a friend?” I wondered to myself mischievously

As the city reminded us of its wandering ways with loud honks,

Taking us out of the delirious sleep.

“You told me to take you away but what’s the catch?” I spoke up.

My sweater wasn’t warm enough to keep the breezes away.

I was too focused to feel hopeful.

Internally you pleaded with your own shame, with your own instincts.

“You can’t outrun me now, it’s painfully obvious,

But your body will try once the adrenaline stings.”

We stood wordlessly for a moment more, then you bolted for the street.

I enjoy a good chase, yet – this was a mediocre one at best.

Every lion has to hunt, every hunter has to eat.

The leaves were covered in frozen red droplets during that October sunrise,

Birds fled for cover towards the stormy autumn clouds

And there was beauty to it no emptiness could replace.

-JW

To Escape The Neon Hourglass

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Photo by Nikolai Ulltang from Pexels

My feet are carrying me ahead – through the dense forest, down the hill.

Trees squeezing together tightly to keep me from moving, to keep me still.

I know the night is almost over but the branches refuse to let in the sun –

As long as they convince me that the darkness endures, I believe I am the only one.

There is a gleam in the distance, it spins like a disco ball, it blurs my vision.

My boots sink into the moss as I trip over the shrubs trying to escape this gimmick.

But there is nowhere to go, only this evergreen vault crushing my ribs.

I am crawling and panting, the thought of stopping seems sweeter than figs.

No, there must be a path that leads to the other side, there must be some hope.

The woods chuckle at my silliness as a breeze pushes me on a downward slope.

My nails are bloody, fingers so raw they burn, knuckles whiter than snow.

The tentacles of another violent forest creature drag me towards the neon glow.

I stab with all my anger, I bite and snarl until it drops me in the grass.

“Keep your head down,” I repeat to myself, managing to ignore the hourglass.

With the force of a hurricane I grab my hunting knife and hurry away,

Through leaves, cones and pine needles my legs fight the desire to stay.

Even through my frantic breathing I hear the black abyss collapsing behind me.

I stumble closer to the real light, it is darting towards me, lukewarm and shiny.

The forests fail to claim my body yet another time, but they will return.

One day I might gather the courage to let all the twigs and roots burn –

But not today. If I only sprint faster,

I can take a step closer to the point of no return.

-JW