Dysmorphic

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The coldness builds up in my stomach and neck,

A cold palm wrapping tighter around the edges,

Tighter around the wreck.

My insides shake violently, they dance around,

And I want to scream “No!” at strangers

But I can’t make a sound.

The coldness takes over my breathing, my jaw.

I grasp what’s left of me, I try to move away,

I claw and claw, and claw…

But it’s freezing my brain, the mirrors are milky.

No space left for a thought or a gulp of air.

My tongue feels silky.

The worst kind of poison is cutting open my head,

A merciless killer questioning my worth,

Leaving my body in shreds.

The coldness starts tasting like the sweetest morphine,

It fools my eyes completely, unavoidably

As I turn dysmorphic.

-JW

Lost

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Looking for my own ten commandments,

Preaching my own deadly sins.

Strikes, lines, crosses, repeated amendments.

Pulling out Band-Aids and pins.

Each border I traverse hits me in the chest,

It scorches the bubbling skin.

It’s a travesty – when I left my past to rest

I wrapped it in second-hand tin.

The narrative erases the last of my patience,

My innocence is wearing thin.

Greed and lust, two of reality’s best agents,

Become my next of kin.

I’m still seeking my own ten commandments,

Repeating my favorite sins.

Death wishes keep hiding in the finest of prints,

Tattooed with bloody pens.

-JW

Honour My Wishes

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Unremarkable, irrelevant, overly talked about but never quite acknowledged.

They let the spiteful paragraphs fly, my nightmares turn into a broken promise.

The tears freeze in the cold December air, they form perfect salty spheres.

Grainy pictures slide by as my consciousness morphs into a guilty plea no one hears.

Honour my wishes, I beg you, honour them,

Don’t listen to the fat they’re chewing.

The lighting is unavoidable, it holds the clouds up

With the strong winds brewing.

Unavoidable, facetious, overrated but never judged fairly enough to fail.

They write down my every mistake, then distribute the list by mail.

The fireworks start, make me lose my sight and my sense of direction.

My ears ring as the thought bubble above my brain dissolves into friction.

Honour my wishes, I beg you, honour them,

Don’t ever let my feet touch the ground.

The destruction is immanent, wait it out

Until a new storm is crowned.

-JW

Gusto

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Can’t get out of my bed, can’t help humming the melody,

The one you sang while I was drifting off to sleep.

Yet I hold on to my sizzling ego, set fire to the lying tarot.

Each night I make the grave mistake of standing in your shadow.

Can’t turn away, can’t think of a place that I’d rather be.

I’m twisting and turning, counting all the lost sheep.

But it wasn’t a surprise when you forgot, it was long expected.

I was born to be mistaken for a woman who can be neglected.

Should’ve built dream chateaus,

But now I’m polishing your gusto.

Yet I hold on to my sizzling ego, set fire to the lying tarot.

Each night I make the grave mistake of standing in your shadow.

-JW

Anniversary

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I’ve ruined three hundred pages with ink to chase you

Only to learn I’d rather break my neck twice than erase you.

It’s you, it’s you, and it always will be.

Yet – faith has nothing to do with destiny

So I pray for somebody else tonight, I send my love to another.

You’ll never know, you’ll never be bothered.

I’m growing tired and my words are slouching.

You didn’t offer comfort, you offered coaching –

And I wish I’d known it wasn’t care, it was business,

It was a contract and I was paying by the minute.

Yet I never burned the ink, I could never make it suffer…

Hope you’re having your own vanity for supper.

-JW

Self-Destruction

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I thought I could freeze the sadness out of me,

I thought I could caffeinate it out or paint it over with glee.

I wished once I stopped shaking, I’d be free

But no amount of distraction could part the stormy sea.

I left the window open until my skin felt static.

I wished you could guide my senses, fussy and erratic,

And I truly hoped the enormous heavy feeling inside would slip under,

Almost like dying peacefully, almost like beating a thunder.

Just like other memories they’d drift away into a dream,

Yet we’re too gentle to open the void, too gentle to ever grow mean.

So I drift off to sleep in the freezing room one more time.

The night pours saltwater in my aching bruises,

It burns like lime.

-JW

Thirteen Cold Cases And Other Tales: Prologue

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A rural area in the middle of Who-Gives-A-Damn is shocked

As thirteen people go missing within a bone chilling quarter.

The closet doors are blocked, the guts never seem to rot.

The locals would leave the county if they were any smarter.

The cold cases pile up on the table, almost tipping over.

Everyone puts on a mask of care, everyone knew a goner,

And people are faking sympathy for each unlucky rover…

Funny how only among the hunters they fear so much

There remains some honor.

A rural area in the middle of Nowhere & Never is enraged

After police discovers a mass grave in an abandoned house.

The place belonged to a woman using alias Fiona K. Sage.

In the grave they discovered her missing neighbor’s blouse.

The cold cases come crashing down, only fools keep looking.

Years pass, the locals turn faked grief into greedy ghost stories.

Tourists pour over the area, they fight to make a booking,

While the three hunters carry on snatching visitors

Without any worries.

-JW

#13 The Man In Red

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They keep telling me she’s gone, they keep messing with my head.

They want me to cry but I stay overly rowdy and sinister instead.

The gruesome crew I’ve been hunting with asks for revenge –

We keep discovering clues, we keep losing our leads to the stench.

We hear she’s been seen with a man in red in these streets.

That’s not enough to prosecute but he’ll speak if he bleeds.

Once the clock strikes seven PM we emerge from the masks.

No one in this town crosses our way once it’s finally dusk.

Not many people out at this hour, not many challenge their faith.

The huntress walks the southside alone acting as our bait.

I stay back lying in wait, scanning figures and dancing shadows.

Green-eyes is in her Cadillac, she reads the scene like cheap prose.

The fourth night arrives through coffee, nicotine and energy drinks.

The breezy weather shakes my senses, the hopelessness stings.

Despite the drowsiness, we hear a door swinging open close by.

A muffled sound, a kick, sheen of a car and an audible sigh.

We close in on the target – red coat, a lean figure and slight limp.

Tied up by his side is my sacred lamb, she’s not noticing a thing.

The others beg me to wait but I race forward like a starving beast.

Not a man in red – that goddamn woman I thought was deceased!

Oh Lizzy, Lizzy, how you’ve once again wronged me to death.

You told me I should try harder this time

While losing your breath.

-JW

#11 The Lonely Bones

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Dig, cut, wrap, clean, repeat. Another hole, another dead seed.

We’re hiding truths like normal people do, we plant what we need.

Dig, cut, wrap, clean, repeat. Push harder to cut off the feet.

Bury, smoothen, cover. Another body, another dead lover.

We’re escaping the destiny by hiding all that’s discovered.

Bury, smoothen, cover. We killed you and we killed your brother.

Sharpen, crush, growl some more. Another bruise, some shiny gore.

We’re tied in our count but who’s keeping a score?

Sharpen, crush, growl some more. Go faster to win the war.

Drink, celebrate, rest, cheer. Another pit of lonely bones sealed.

We’re gnarly inside and out, we’re the burnable breed.

Drink, celebrate, rest, cheer. Another pint to the terror we wield.

-JW

#5 The Sacred Lamb

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An expanding knot in my stomach before I even open the front door –

I sense the tension, the held back cries, the hope shattered on our floors.

My weak limbs pull themselves over the doorstep, I’m covered in dirt.

Yesterday three of my closest friends went missing, no one’s yet heard.

I’ve got an alibi three towns south, but did the escapee break the news?

That girl Vicky’s yet to apologize for the friction and pay what’s due.

But the look on my father’s face is more than pity or any other sadness –

Shatters of his very heart lay all over our place, growing in their vastness.

My brother’s there too, he holds me for far too long before I realize

My younger sister’s missing…

No amount of tears can suffice.

Taken, she’s been taken, someone took her. That’s all I really hear.

I hope this someone has the guts to face my painful fury, oh dear.

My feet take me out of the house, all across the putrid hometown.

I’ve heard of this gracious green-eyed beast making her rounds.

The lady’s deadlier than I’ll ever be but what’s the point of my pride?

The plain street I walk down has one eccentric house – I’m down for the ride.

Her seven inch heels click on the surfaces before she lets me in –

Beautiful, eloquent, well-reversed and funny, clearly deadly as sin.

While I don’t mind the corpses in her garden, she doesn’t mind my intrusion.

There’s common sense even between the worst of ghouls with no illusions.

We strike a deal as her fairy-tale clock strikes three in the afternoon.

I promise to give her a hand with her garden,

She promises to become one of my goons.

-JW