Day: Sep 8, 2020

She’s all over the papers for weeks and my legs keep getting restless.

It’s almost like I knew her. I knew where she dropped the bloody necklace.

The promenade was silent that night, except for her gurgling breath –

I knew I couldn’t overpower that man but I could at least scream

To pause her imminent death.

Each moment I lie in wait, I lie even more to my still standing morals.

I was shown the truth but I decorated it with excuses, neon pink and floral.

Now I’m praying for hours, hoping that fake empathy will suffice

In a knife fight between speaking out and letting it haunt my shame,

Making her the ultimate sacrifice.

I’ve been playing this over and over in my mind for 8 seasons.

Ran out of plot twists and narratives, the wild river drowned my reasons.

But I’m too frightened to give the story back to the director –

A coronation of a new god gets twisted if it means killing yourself

And handing your life over to an objector.

What choice do I have if logical options were fraudulent at best?

Is there a god bigger than a human, or am I failing the test?

I’m feeling the light inside but I can’t touch it if I keep resisting,

As if there’s a part of me that has figured out a plan to regain power

While still kicking, screaming and persisting.

I keep remembering her suffocating, not resisting.

“Please fight back,” I whisper as my eyes fog up and lids take the mist in.

Please fight back.