Tag: toxic relationship

If I Would Have Fallen

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Photo by Lisa Fotios

Another day spent in rose tinted blackout glasses, not seeing the stars.

Raspberry and lime kisses land on my neck, too bad no one’s noticing the scars.

My palms are trembling as neon sky lands over the city, so sweet and so sticky.

The marks on my shoulders are pulsating at sunset. They’re bruises, not hickeys.

Every breath I take rubs you up the wrong way – and you won’t stay neutral.

I’m slowly turning into you though, but I guess the experience is not mutual…

People I knew continue to talk like they enjoy sticking in my craw. Such amateurs.

When new dawn arrives, my conscience is on its knees. The rest is a blur. Or a slur.

With every word you speak I learn one new reason to step away from the car crash

But suddenly your grip feels too fond so I hold on, tie a bow around it and add to the stash

Of things that I should’ve burned to completion when I noticed the tenseness.

Yet – here I am, standing by your window at 3am, without any control, defenseless.

I wish it was different. That kisses didn’t hurt

And words didn’t line up to sound this absurd.

I wish I was angrier. That my bites were sharper,

So abrupt you’d never try me. You’d scarper.

-JW

A Hearse

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Photo by Dark Indigo

My arms are twisted from the heaviness of your lust.

Without your stare on my neck the world seems unjust.

I don’t want you. You make me worse. You’re my hearse.

But your passion for violence feels like a blessing

And not a curse.

We’re both trying to swim in this hurricane that is raging up north.

At the end, what will it all be worth?

Is this another tale where I was a fix up for an unruly mind?

Is this a contract that we both signed to get fined –

So I could crush my ego, and you could throw out your principles

To feel less invincible?

Less cynical?

Let’s not pretend we can make it alone. And let’s not be naïve –

If we hold on to each other for a moment or less,

We will slice one another in order to aggrieve –

To inflict more pain than necessary, to commit atrocities

Just to later heal the bruises with some sumptuosity.

***

I guess this is destiny. Never believed in one, never will,

But looking at you makes me feel like there’s no time to kill.

Be still, my beating heart. Be still.

-JW

Sympathy for the Seventh Sin

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Photo by Burak K

Hey, just wanted to see how you’re doing today.

The last time I called I hated you like a lion

Hates to kill its prey.

I’m not religious but every time someone mentions you, I sit there and pray

Hoping you have the means to move on without me there, every step of the way.

But I don’t know what it means to move on. I get finicky.

My pillow gasps and screams your name right back to me.

The strangers all around this place have branded me as “gutsy” –

If they don’t see my crippling heart, what else do they not see?

Your beaming smile was printed in my memory. Then cut out as a simple clipping.

I must’ve been a monster when I stabbed myself to start the snipping

In order to get every last piece of you away… Too bad I forgot the stitching.

All for nothing. The numbness didn’t last. The insides are still twitching.

Do you even understand what has been done?

How many times the water’s under the bridge

But you once again pull out the gun?

And with my own hand you push me out on the ridge…

Will you have what it takes to pull the trigger? Or will you stand there, evasive?

If offered my tied and bleeding tongue, would you know where to place it?

What a shame it is to fall for someone with a soul of tin,

To have this deadly sympathy for the seventh sin.

What an abject itch it is to live with you, without ever having you.

It was nice to talk but I must go. My empathy is due.

-JW