Tag: self-destruction

A Dystopian Novel

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There are these full circle moments when the drums stop ringing in your ears,

The sound paralyzing your every move turns into a river washing out your fears.

But you can’t stand up, can’t raise a hand to greet the overwhelming sun

And the mountains seem golden, yet you’re careful about letting go of the gun.

There are moments where you reflect on deflecting your whole past and present,

The bass is penetrating your heart muscles because trauma isn’t pleasant.

Skull pulsating harder than a carnival stage filled with betrayed manic rebels.

Anxiety-driven you rush through the memories, climb brave through the levels.

There are moments where killing your mind with noise becomes a simple mischief,

But you pull that trick way too often so it grows into a cult, you bury it like a christian.

You might need a decade to ditch the part where attacking your senses feels fine.

The longer you ignore that pain, the more likely you’ll turn it into a dystopian novel

with rhymes,

like mine.

-JW

Tightly Sealed Freedom

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The three musketeers of the end of all things are coming to our town.

The fake sun is trembling and neon is shining through a worn-out frown.

Apathetic noon showers my neck with kisses it doesn’t really mean

And I can’t remember how I lost my lustful self and turned into a fiend.

The target on my back is turning redder each day, getting lighter by minute.

Once it gets as big as the Ritz, you’ll see how Fitzgerald is going to spin it.

I embrace the last days of this tightly sealed freedom with the force of a madman.

Not packing much for the departure as you can never be ready for badlands.

Scoria and erosion reaching for my pound of flesh, is resisting even an option?

I’m dreaming about running but doom might be the answer for this corruption.

“No, don’t listen,” I hear someone whimpering right beneath my bleeding helix.

The three musketeers are approaching in distance and I sigh.

“Let’s give this place another shot but not lend it any credence.”

-JW

Amy

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Find me messing with some sharp objects during the eclipse,

Find me licking the knife and then biting your lips

With my bleeding mouth wide open, trickling red serum…

You know that I’m a lost cause, but you want to fix it –

That’s my theorem.

Watch me dancing with nocturnal animals, throwing rhinestones,

Watch it burn down as I laugh because the fire cannot damage bones.

You know the only thing you can trust in me is that I’m going to change,

And when it happens, I will take your heart with me to crush it –

It’s strange, I’m the end of you but also your sage.

Hear me explaining the arrival of distant memories and other diseases,

Hear my lies spilling down your collar, minus eleven degrees

Is OK for you to handle.

Something makes me believe you would catch me if you could

For a brief moment quit being the king of the hill and realize –

I’m really no good.

-JW

When They Dragged You Away…

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I cannot write a decent goddamn sentence when you’re not close.

The words just don’t come out right when I can’t rip off your clothes

And strangle your body until everything’s written about, everything’s touched.

I was burning alive when they dragged you away but the people simply watched.

Can’t pull myself together for another second. I need to hear you think.

Never been able to look into somebody’s soul, but I do see yours – unless you blink

And tear it all up with not so loving notes on how I’m not rational. Again.

When they dragged you away, a part of me whispered: “Amen.”

But when it comes to obvious things and stating the facts, it’s simple –

Have loved you since the day you smiled at me one morning. Threw away my wimple.

It sounds dumb, let’s not pretend I ever sound wise speaking of you,

Yet – if I never wrote about your eyes, none of my writing would be true

As each time I sit down to create a tiny graveyard made up from words,

My chest aches. “Write “I love you” a hundred times. Until it no longer hurts.”

-JW

Little Lies

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They lied when they said that people need water to live.

I’ve been driving for 6 hours and this road has no give.

I’m tired of looking over my shoulder, chasing the sun,

When there’s nothing I need more than someone saying –

You don’t have to run.

They lied when they said that people need air to survive.

I’ve been suffocating for a decade, lacking a peace of mind.

Riding down the roads that are never-ending feels like ice skating

On the thinnest of surfaces – sometimes delightful, yet what I really miss

Is taking a breath that’s invigorating.

They lied when they said that people need love to be alive.

I’ve never once felt deader than whilst I was falling. Let me take five.

Hunting my dreadful past means more dire futures are in the making

But I’m immune to seeing paths less self-destructive as pain does the trick

Of keeping me from ever truly waking.

-JW