No Pressure

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I must be missing the substance of all your allegories.

The sentences peel my skin with disgust when they say:

“You’re a lady, you should have some better worries.”

“Are you dating and are you planning a kid, tell me!”

They need to hear my convenient answers.

But everything I want is for my mind to be handled safely.

Crawled out of the hold of anxiety, beat the monster in the mirror,

For a year and a half I’ve been able to breathe without pain

But the pressure is quietly kicking in, it’s a silent killer.

Why can’t I simply be undecided and live one day at the time?

Why can’t I have the choice and the cash,

why can’t it all be mine?

Why is my every step analyzed as if it’s colored in lime?

-JW

My Northern Lights

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I once had a dream where you picked up the signs,

The good, bad and human. The scratches and lines.

The backlash was making my vision blurry –

You never picked up on that, you packed in a hurry.

“Be my love, my northern lights and south pole,”

I spilled without thinking. Words swallowed me whole.

One look over the shoulder and out the door you go.

The room was spinning in light speed, sinking down and low.

Where did you buy the guts to walk away into the thunder?

We were so happy together, except for that one blunder.

Jack White was playing over our tragedy when the alarm went off.

I wake up alone between piles of white sheets with a bottle of Molotov.

The ringing in my ears has passed but my tongue is still dreaming

About your venomous blood, and how I cut it out of you when you’re leaving.

Piece by piece I drink it up from the pale, cold floor. Revenge is pleasantly bitter.

I open my eyes and shake off the nightmare as birds by my window playfully chitter.

-JW

Antidote To Sentiment

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It is a never ending task to bring together the two coasts of the sea.

The reddest of reds will fill the shores to conjure, to fulfill the prophecy.

Three winters ago the waters froze so deep it felt as if we’ve never seen spring.

Three winters ago I was a bird with an injured wing. All I could do was sing.

But the waves kept crashing on my knees, they were begging me to stay.

Two coasts of the sea sunk more and more into the foolishness of dismay.

Picking one was the destiny, staying on both was a suicide, by hanging.

The antidote to my own sentiment is buried under the corpses I left without thanking.

-JK

Out Of Touch

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The tenderness has evaporated and all I’ve got is rage.

I was dying by the mic but you took over the stage,

Not thinking twice. Isn’t it funny?

I do the work and the overtime but you get the money.

I travel to the scariest corners of my sanity,

Surprised of how calmly I treat your vanities.

Why do I have to suffer for a dollar while you keep yelling

That money doesn’t bring happiness – unless I’m buying what you’re selling?

The treatments aren’t making me better, they’re making me dizzy.

When I’m drowning faster in sinking sand, you’re rooting for the scene to get grisly.

Every death threat sings me your name like a symphony –

If you snap my neck, will it be my tyranny or bigotry

That made you pull the trigger? Sure, it will always be me that’s out of touch.

“No mercy for an inconvenient lady,” you said.

“Let’s take the volume up a notch.”

But there is still no tenderness left. Just wrecks.

No empathy for those who sharpen knives on other’s necks.

I was dying from your cuts but you took over the stage,

Not thinking twice. Isn’t it funny?

Animals live on pedestals while I’m stuck in a cage.

-JW

Lost and found

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Why don’t you want to sit with me?

These smog-covered streets are fading

And I need someone to take a sip with me.

The grey of the sky melts into the smoke filled ground.

There’s still no one on my side.

Should I hand over my heart to the lost and found?

Ash is strangling me as time drips into the hourglass.

Not a person in sight, nobody’s showing up…

Is this a benchmark I need to pass?

Do I have to?

***

I was falling apart for the longest time back then, completely alone in the crisp air.

People came around but no matter how hard I pushed, they sat next to me and brushed my hair.

They never stood up or even moved

Through my absurd jokes and frightening moods.

I never took it as a promise. Nothing is granted.

But for that moment in time I didn’t feel stranded.

***

Now it’s back to the start. How can I be so sure?

What if I see them again

And the memories are just a blur?

The grayest of trees cover my cheeks discreetly.

Why don’t you want to sit with me?

Did you ever really meet me?

-JW

Rusty

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Devil only got in trouble because she spoke the truth.

As the barks of bad reputation got louder, we reached for the passion fruit.

Way down we go… I would do it all over again, bathing in holy water.

Not once will I scream or beg to the father.

Disobedience will become my alma mater.

***

I’ll be your friend until the heated end. Until the last leaf in the tree turns into dust.

When air turns to smoke, I’ll hold the corners of your mouth up until my palms are covered in rust.

Pollution will smell like musk.

The end will be easy though – surroundings will fade,

Your soul will get wanderlust.

-JW

Bitter

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Here’s a bitter pill to swallow: they don’t need me if I don’t show them sympathy first.

They’re doing great. Everything’s lovely. The moment it’s not, they drink up my empathies with a godless thirst.

Too bad I’ve been too blinded by our history, reflecting into the unknown. I missed the warning signs.

I should’ve never taken up another beggar after one already tore my core into a painting of alarming sights.

But I’m not motivated by the anger. I’m writing this because no one’s here on these dawning nights.

It all passes once the sun starts creeping up the horizon, yet the bitterness is not erased by these morning lights.

I’m mourning our fights.

The thought of never seeing them again fills me with ease so maybe I should keep my heart locked away?

In the cupboard, next to a broken glass and shivering illusions of safety, shining brighter than the signs of Broadway…

Maybe I should built a festival out of this little hideaway,

Just for myself.

But I’d rather do it like Hemingway.

Here’s a bitter pill to swallow: they would need me more if they could add me on their resume.

-JW

A Screw to Tighten

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The pressure to dislike yourself is the next great invention.

It’s not a wheel, you can reinvent it.

So go ahead, we’ll buy more extensions even when we get our pensions.

The riots on the streets are only static playing in the radio.

Why accept if you can always improve with pills and some cardio?

If it fails, at least you’ll die trying or even die pretty –

That’s a bargain, take it! Maybe they’ll invite you to the big city.

Don’t focus on nutrients, they don’t make you skinny, silly!

Suck in your cheeks while smiling, dear,

Keep your head semi-high and attitude – chilly.

Never let them know you’re difficult. Or your cons.

You’re mostly cons so, please, keep quiet for once!

I hate that dress on you. Aren’t these pants too tight for a stranger in the street?

With that attitude… No wonder no one wants you in their sheets!

How come you’re not married? Such a waste of symmetrical face.

The ass could use some work but no one is only straight A’s.

That would be boring – not having a screw to tighten here and there.

And you can’t have special treatment for ravishing eyes, it’s not fair!

The pressure to dislike yourself is the next great invention.

Yet you only invest in getting it patented if you pay it

attention,

your tension,

pretention.

-JW

Parched

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Do you know how hard I’m trying to write this when I’m incapable of muttering a single sentence?

Do you ever just wonder why I keep scribbling nonsense each day as if I’m bringing myself the vengeance?

Have you ever been left alone with your thoughts for a moment too long, and the clarity gets as sharp as a sword?

Have you… This one’s too personal but I’ll ask anyway if you give me your word.

…promise?

Have you missed somebody with the force of a hundred waterfalls crashing down without compassion?

No, no… But have you missed someone more than any relative, any friend? As if their love was just a fraction,

A drop in the ocean compared to how parched your throat has been lately. It’s a desert.

I’m trapped in it – and nothing worldly that can be offered will make my poisoned mind avert.

Luckily, nothing lays seeds in my heart. Nothing grows in sinking sand. No saviors left in sight.

Only drought and unrequited lovers left alive. No one sleeps in this land as the nights are also snow white.

Have you missed somebody like this or am I hallucinating out of the malice?

If this is the Wonderland they promised, please do me a favor

And never wake Alice.

-JW

Z

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Spider webs of emotion tied through my senses, recalling the past so bright.

When I was younger, I was clashing with every soul – what a cost to make it right.

Swords of ill kept pledges dwelled from behind, blades racing through air.

When I was younger, I was crashing into every hurdle hoping to find something fair.

No one heard the cries when I transformed into the huntress of unforgivable.

Loaning sins and trading good lives for desperate ones, lending the unspeakable.

Pathetic men dressed in red capes tried to warn me but they turned to stone…

If they only marched faster, I would retreat. I wouldn’t have to make it alone.

Tonight the executioner is blinking thrice before filling Satan’s cup.

Chains around his chest is not jewelry. They are gilded butterflies, tied up.

Oh, Z, but imagine how quiet it is on the other side. No one to betray or berate,

No alliances. Just imprisoned efforts and no strength to hold a pen. To create.

With my stolen innocence I offered you peace. You crushed it to dust adversely.

Yet my mind is not secular when I hear your voice so I pick the land of no mercy.

Let me jump. I know I’ll make it to purgatory. I’ll find a way out just scarcely.

-JW